Justice League of America #6

Hey DC? You do remember that Batman is the only one of these characters without any kind of physical powers, right?

I'm sick of Batman being the most invulnerable hero in the DC Youniverse. Don't try to defend him, you assholes. You know it's true! I get the argument that because he doesn't rely on super powers for his own safety, he's more on his Bat-toes than everybody else. But even Bat-toes can't keep you from being shot in the face forever. How many times has this dick been punched by Killer Croc without anything but Alfred's shaky, arthritic stiches? This guy is unkillable for a reason that has nothing to do with his training and it certainly has nothing to do with super powers giving him invulnerability or regeneration. What's the real story, DC? Batman sold his soul to the devil, didn't he?

I don't even remember what was happening in this comic book because it had a Martian Manhunter interlude. I think they had just killed Darkseid and had become gods, right?

It begins with Aquaman finally coming to his senses and kicking the missionaries out of Atlantis. Fuck missionaries. Don't try to defend them! They're manipulative bastards trading goodwill and charity for the destruction of other people's cultures! Stop trying to convince everybody else of the lies you were too gullible to disbelieve!

But it's too late. The Atlanteans have become as brainwashed as a child born to ignorant parents perpetuating a false paradigm of reality.

The same shit is going down in Themyscira although at least Rao's missionaries are meeting heavy resistance there. They were prepared for armed conflict with Wonder Woman's boyfriend's in-laws.

Meanwhile in the Fortress of Solitude, Superman utters the variation of a phrase that no comic book character should ever utter because it means they're going to get their ass kicked immediately thereafter: "Is that the best you've got?" It's never the best they've got. They always have something better for just after some idiot asks that question. Superman learns his lesson and Rao stands over Clark's unconscious body and pisses in his mouth.

The Flash is still in 1961 because he's pro-fucking-up-everything-through-time-travel.

The Justice League can never just stop a bank robbery. Or a simple alien invasion. Or World War III. No. The fuckers always have to save absolutely everything all at once.

Flash hears a bunch of the usual comic book nonsense that characters spout when a writer can't be bothered to write a story stemming from motivation, cause, and effect. Instead this guy Vincent knows with some certainty thanks to some singing rocks that the end of everything is going to take place and he's trying to learn how and why it will come about so he can stop it. Vincent has now told Superman and The Flash about his certainty and they seem to believe him so now they're on the case to save forever! I think a step in the right direction would be punching Vincent in his throat so that he collapses and dies and stops fucking with the timeline since he's lining everything up to cause the end of forever so he can study how it comes about so he can stop it from happening. See how he needs to be stopped?

The Rao Missionaries complete their mission which was less brainwashing morons and more finding the location of Olympus so that they could send a dozen suicide bombers there to kill Earth's gods. Apparently the only god they recognize on Earth is Wonder Woman. Take that, Jesus and Allah and Thor and Ganesha!

Aquaman accidentally hitches a ride to Olympus and is blown up alongside Wonder Woman. Hal Jordan is still 250,000 years in the past and light years away from Earth where he's found another division of the Infinity Corporation. So I guess Batman is the only Justice League of America member left to save the day. Like the cover. Like always.

Justice League of America #6 Rating: No change. This issue would have been better if I hadn't had to wait so long for it and the story hadn't been interrupted by a story that belonged in the Martian Manhunter comic book. It's probably worth the cover price but only because most comic books cost $3.99 now. I don't actually think any comic book is worth that price but then what do I know about money? It seems expensive but some comic books from thirty years ago were $1.75 (due to Baxter paper and no ads!), so that isn't that much of a raise in price, is it? Although if you consider that Infocom was selling their text adventure games for $50 a pop and video games now cost $60 with a lot more work put into them, it seems like a royal buttfucking for comics to cost twice as much with less pages! Thanks a lot, comic books!