Superman Annual #3

Does Superman have to battle Vandal Savage in every single Superman title?

Vandal Savage gets a bit of an origin story here. It turns out the comet that made him immortal was deflected by Im-el of Krypton thousands of years ago. The Krypton scene does what comic books are supposed to do! It tells the story through pictures and dialogue. It's like a little play on paper. So I get caught off guard when the scene on Earth 50,000 years ago is full of Narration Boxes. Who knew fucking cavemen were so verbose?! Christ! I didn't realize so many words existed back then!

Back in the present, Superman is still whining about having lost most of his powers. Boo fucking hoo. Just get a job at an independent bookstore already. You're useless.

John forgets to pretend he's not home when Clark stops by and now he and Lana have to listen to his sob stories.

Gosh, Superman! If they say the high-tech dildo isn't safe yet, it isn't safe!

After Superman ignores the facts on whatever John and Lana are making besides a baby (probably a suit of some kind of super armor, right?), Lana tries to tell him to get a job at an independent bookstore too! Superman just pinches her cheek patronizingly and tells them to get the dildo ready! He's taking it for a test ride.

Back in 121 AD, Vandal Savage has already been called Savage so often that he's decided it will be his name. What the hell! It makes as much sense as every alien race having languages with links to Latin! Also, Vandal is still overdoing it on the Narration Boxes. Nineteen in just two pages!

Clark decides to become a stalker. I don't know how he hangs out outside the windows of a skyscraper these days.

Lex Luthor calls everybody to the satellite except for Superman (and Batman because Bruce Wayne is currently useless to him). Even Hal Jordan shows up in his Green Lantern uniform for some reason! This must be taking place in the Justice League DC Youniverse and not the Green Lantern DC Youniverse! The Justice League are heading out to the Kuiper Belt in their shuttle so I guess they'll be gone for several decades.

Throughout the ages, Vandal Savage continues to try to siphon power from his comet every time it passes the Earth. But he fails every time. I guess that's where his Savage Dawn plan comes in? His two thousand year plan has been about getting the comet and not specifically about Superman. That makes more sense than I wanted it to! I liked it better when he sounded like a lunatic and declaring his plan to destroy Superman was thousands of years old.

Back on the Watchtower in the present, Superman mispronounces anomaly as "anomoly." What a jerk!

Superman can't find any information on the Justice League's mission because Lex has changed all of the passwords and authentications on the computers. So then Superman asks the computer to open the supply door to the faster than light battle suits and it refuses. Okay, I guess the Justice League won't be gone for decades. Apparently they not only have teleportation technology that they won't share with normal humans but also faster than light drives that can be installed in space suits! The Justice League are technology hoarding dicks.

Yay! Captain Nazi! I recently hoped for his return in one of my commentaries but I don't remember which one. One of the three thousand of them.

Vandal Savage kicks Captain Nazi to death when he refuses to fly to the meteor. That's understandable.

Back in the future, Superman saves a few people on a bridge and everybody loves him again. These fucking people. I'm sick of their fickle ways! But they won't be fickle for long because as they celebrate, the Stormwatch Carrier teleports into the Justice League Watchtower while hanging low in the sky. There's an explosion and all the people who loved Superman are now dead. Take that, assholes! You should have feared him and ran when you had the chance! Idiots.

Aboard the Carrier is Vandal, his son Hordr_root, his daughter Wrath, and Frankenstein. I don't think Superman knows that yet but he will soon because he's so pissed off that his eyes have begun to glow red. That means his powers are returning!

Superman Annual #3 Rating: It's always fun to see Superman fail to save people! I just can't get enough of writers writing him as a miserable failure who can't protect anybody at all! Ha ha! It's so entertaining! Suck it, Superman! Nobody likes you! Especially the assholes writing you!