Harley Quinn #23

Blood in the water? Whut.

I want a job writing the captions on the covers of comic books. Apparently you don't need to make any sense at all. "Hey, it's a shower scene! There's water in showers! And Harley is going to beat the crap out of a lot of people in the shower! And there's blood in people! Oh! 'Blood in the water!' Nailed it!"

I should apologize to whoever came up with "blood in the water" because I've been trying to think of a better caption for the cover and I can't do it. I mean, I can do it! I can think up a whole bunch of them! But every single won can easily be purposefully misinterpreted by fascist youth bullyboys as being a prison rape joke. So I'll just quietly go on to reading the comic book rather than listing my hilarious captions because I don't have the time or the patience to be Youthsplained to by humorless internet youths making the world a better place through bullying.

This issue takes place in a bowling alley because Amanda and Jimmy had some bowling jokes burning holes in their pockets. That was a bowling pun in case you missed it.

Zena Bendemova has Sy Borgman held hostage in Lane 21 at Flatbush Lanes. She's throwing bowling balls into him so he'll probably be dead before Harley can get there. I'm surprised he lived through being hit with even one!

I've recently burned through every series of the British "game" show Would I Lie To You? which got me to thinking about things in my life that I could read off of a card to try to make people think it was a lie. Being that we're currently in a bowling themed commentary, my true story would probably be that I once rode a BMX bike down a bowling alley. It's slippery as fuck but I made it to the end. It was only later that I realized how much trouble I would have been in if I had wiped out and one of the pedals had gouged the fuck out of the lane. My cousin worked at a bowling alley and we would hang out after it was closed drinking and playing darts or just listening to music. One of those times, I chose to ride a bike down an alley. Apparently being incapable of understanding consequences even in my early twenties, we left without thinking about the tire trail down the alley or the trail of wax the bike tires left across the approaches to all of the lanes as I rode it back behind the pin reset machines. Luckily I didn't get in trouble because I didn't work there and I didn't cause any damage and you can't prosecute me, Lawman!

Harley gets to the bowling alley and finds that Sy isn't being held against his will at all.

The pin and balls are like genitals! So hilarious!

So Sy and Zena are fuck buddies now. Which means Harley has a new friend with a dirty name. Zena Bendemova meet Mike Cock and Harley's Beaver!

Sy and Zena leave the comic book for awhile because there were too many characters (even after the Harley Quinntuplets left). But with Sy out of the picture, it's time to get Mason back in the mix. For some reason. I don't mind if he stays in prison. How about just letting Poison Ivy visit for a two or three page adult slumber party every issue?

The Mason Rescue Mission is a bunch of pages of this highfalutin littyrature:

Is anybody else as bored as I am with Harley Quinn?

Mason is too hurt to move so Harley leaves him but threaten's the warden to make sure he's moved to a different prison where the mayor's goons can't get to him but then she finds out that new prison is Arkham Asylum and now she has to break in to Arkham to save Mason and maybe while she's there she can have some sexy innuendo time with Poison Ivy. The end.

Harley Quinn #23 Rating: No change. I guess if you like naughty innuendo or love Harley Quinn so much you'll read anything she's in, this is the comic book for you. But I'm burned out on her. I've grown overly tired of the same old shtick and recycled jokes issue after issue. Conner and Palmiotti are the new Giffen and DeMatteis!