Friday, January 31, 2014

Animal Man #27

I wonder if DC has a thesaurus in their offices somewhere. Hey! Any DC Employees reading this? Check around. See if you can find the office thesaurus. It might be in Ann Nocenti's office. When you find it, make sure the page with "unleash" is still inside it. Then photocopy that entry and hang those copies up all over the fucking place.

Believe it or not, I did not get a song stuck in my head with the Animal Man cover staring at me! Although now that I type that sentence, I've got the theme from "Greatest American Hero" rampaging through my brain. "Believe it or not, I'm Animal Man! Whoever thought I could feel so raccoony! Charging away like a rhino or bear! Who could it be? Believe it or not, it's my daughter Maxine!"

Last issue after a really strange interlude where Animal Man did some serious space traveling and negotiating with alien dickwads, Animal Man finally made it back into The Red! Probably because all the Totems that banned him have been killed by Brother Blood and his Pet Totem, Cunty Discharge. The Parliament of the Red have some really disgusting members: Smegma, Placenta, Phlegm, Anal Leakage. The human body is the grossest temple ever.

I was just over at Facebook which I really don't pay much attention to. But I see Facebook interrupts the Newsfeed to show you some celebrities you might want to Like! The first one on my list? Eliza Dushku. I wonder what formula Facebook uses to think Eliza Dushku is that one celebrity that I need to spy on? Maybe I've been saying "Five by Five" too much?

Now I'm back to Tumblr where all the people I truly love live! Which is actually kind of a lie because I type these entries out on Blogger and then copy and paste them into Tumblr. But that's because I have 45 times more Followers on Tumblr than I have on Blogger. Suck it, Blogger! Even though I prefer your HTML Editing page. So, sorry for the "suck it" comment. I love you too.

It's 8:00 AM and I've already been out and purchased a two cent Jalapeno.

So this issue begins with Ellen Baker punching a reporter in the face. Man, I hope I get the opportunity to do that some day. I don't even care if they're asking me inappropriate questions! If I just see a weather reporter out on the street, I'm going to run up and slap the fuck out of them. Then I'll stand over the person and scream, "That's for thinking everybody in the city wants to be part of your idiotic family! Please pass that slap around to everybody back at the news room. And tell them their Twitter feeds all suck." Actually, I probably would never commit physical violence against a local news person although on the continuum of people who deserve to be attacked, they're right under "Fascist Dictator" and "Conservative Talking Head." But I do dream of the day one of them sticks a microphone in my face for a live man on the street interview and I can fucking cunt up the airwaves! "So, this fucking cunt came fucking cunt running right up the cunting fucking fuck cunt street! I fucking saw it all!" Maybe my appearance will even be autotuned! Should "autotuned" be capitalized? Where's my Portland Manual of Style? I'm definitely not going to trust that bullshit one from Chicago!

Horns as eyes doesn't seem like the best evolutionary path.

While Buddy Baker channels Space Monkeys to beat up Blood's Totem, The Warriors of the Red (some of them being the "Squirrelonauts of the Up High," possibly the best battalion ever) are ready to make their last stand against Brother Blood himself. Maxine and Socks are making a run for the Edge of The Red where nobody has ever dared go before. But before they get there, Maxine has to take a time out to have a little cry over her brother Cliffy.

The only hope left for Cliff is that he'll come back as a super villain.

Later there's this part where Animal Man points out that the good guys always win because they have something to fight for, like family and dinner at Applebees. But the bad guys have shit to fight for too! Like power and glory and lots and lots of sex from raving groupies! Also money. Did I mention money? Plus they probably have families too! Brother Blood even has a familial word-thing as part of his name! I wouldn't count out the bad guys just because you have a family, Buddy. So naive!

And then there's the part where Ellen gets thrown in jail for punching the Paparazzi. I thought it was legal to punch Paparazzi within Los Angeles County? No? That isn't a law yet? That's a shame. The police are on Ellen's side but figure she's probably safer in a jail cell right now with all the crazy shit going on around Animal Man, her husband.

And then Maxine discovers that if you're trying to find something, never fucking follow a cat's lead.

I prefer Concrete Blonde's version of "Little Wing" over Jimi Hendrix's. I like Jimi's version as well! Just not as much.

Brother Blood kills Shepherd when he's distracted and then grabs Maxine around the neck. And the issue ends with next month's blurb: "The End"! Oh noes! I hope Maxine doesn't kill Brother Blood! If he were still the whiny version from The Ravagers, I wouldn't mind. But he's been a much better character under Lemire. And of course I don't want Maxine to die! I bet Socks leaps onto Brother Blood's face the way cats always do. And then Brother Blood will throw Socks against a rock the way people that remove cats from their faces always do. And then Socks will cough up blood and say, "Maxine. Pretend I'm saying something uplifting before I die!" And Maxine will yell, "No!" And then Maxine will channel a Honey Badger and fuck Brother Blood's shit up. And Socks won't die.

Animal Man #27 Rating: No change. I really like the look of this book. It reminds me of spending time with my friend Philip Newby and his family when I was in elementary school. The look of this comic and its characters is how I see Philip and his family and their apartment in my mind's eye. Philip's house was the first house I knew with a real piano. His father kept his Playboys stacked up behind the door in the bathroom. His oven had the coils that heat up which I'd never seen before since my house had gas burners. His fridge always had generic beer in it. Yellow cans in a six pack with big, black bold lettering that said: BEER. He had a ping pong table in the garage. And we could roam the neighborhood at all hours of the night when I would stay over. His family mostly watched PBS so I heard all about Monty Python and Dave Allen and various other comics and shows I'd never seen before, laughing uproariously at the lunch table in elementary school as he recounted the crazy things he'd seen on these shows. He once played "The Old Dope Peddler" by Tom Lehrer for me on a vinyl record. He introduced me to Kitty Pryde and Wolverine. He borrowed my Atari Cartridge for Pitfall II which his mother wound up throwing away with Philip's entire Atari system. His family eventually moved out of their tiny apartment and into a big house which always seemed bare and empty as their meager apartment furnishings could barely fill the space. Philip told me the joke about Peter and Jesus and Jesus seeing his house from here. We played a game of tag called "Ticker" where you had to stay on the painted lines in the playground at recess. He was the first person I ever sincerely apologized to, after school one day, when I had snapped at him during recess. I miss him a lot.

Pandora #7

Wouldn't this cover look great in crayon?!

I thought about doing the rest of the Forever Evil: Blight issue commentaries in crayon but then decided it would just feel like trying desperately to hold on to the magic of my Constantine #10 commentary. Plus I need to buy more crayons. Preferably one of the large boxes with the built-in crayon sharpener. Although I have a feeling that if I did the crayon version of every comic book I read from here on out, this blog could become a huge hit. That's the kind of gimmick that people love to see one time and then never remember seeing a few months later. But who needs longevity in this day and age, right? I don't think that actually exists anymore.

Part of my theory for the Blight story line was that Chris was a Christ-figure and he was going to have to be betrayed by The Phantom Stranger and martyred in order to save the world. But now with this cover, it looks like "Light" is what is going to be needed to defeat "Blight." I guess one doesn't negate the other. The Light of Chris will defeat the evil in men's souls. But probably not women's. Their evil is always so much more personal and hurtful! Men are like, "I'm going to be super evil because I want the most shit and power! Whoever gets in my way will be struck down!" And women are all, "I'm going to be super evil to just you, on the down low, because you didn't notice my new hair cut. And I will fucking destroy you for it, no matter how long it takes." Children are just plain, "I'm fucking evil, motherfucker! Give me all the attention and all the candy! Fuck your needs and desires! Deal with me!"

Last time we saw The Mini-JLD, they had just returned to heaven with a new partner: Zauriel. He has decided to help Constantine in his quest to save Zatanna because he believes in love. What a naive bitch.

They're like a bunch of tarot cards. Or a new Chess Set. Hmm. I wonder if I should design a chessboard game pitting these seven against Blight and the last six Sins?

Pandora reveals that when she was in Heaven, she was simply asked by Dog, "What are you?" She seemed to know who she was at various points along her 10,000 year life but now she's at a loss. What the fuck is left of a person after 10,000 years? Can you continue to grow or do your edges just get constantly worn away year after year by tedium and entropy? What kind of goals can you have when you have all the time in the world to obtain them? Seems like whatever you wanted, you could eventually get. Whatever you believed would eventually not make any sense as the world changed around you. According to notes made by my first grade teacher on my report card, I'm roughly the exact same person I was at six that I am now at forty-two. And every new generation that appears really isn't any different than the one before it, no matter how much more wise they like to think they are with modern thoughts. But they'll learn. We were all at that peak of youthful passion at one point or another. We all thought the same thoughts and knew how the world should be and how we'd all get along. But as the years pass, you see yourself betrayed by your own generation, stabbed in the back by the power hungry and materialistic masses that never felt the same way at all and continued to perpetuate the institutionalized bullshit that you thought your generation was going to change. Imagine seeing how human culture never really changes either, even after 10,000 years. I imagine I'd feel pretty weary and bitter by this time. Youthful optimism would be long gone, leaving me just a mass of bristling, resentful, raggedly raw nerves. Completely cynical. Angry. Hateful. Burnt out. Hell, fuck ten thousand years! That sounds like me now!

At least Pandora still has her looks.

This is pretty close, in a metaphorical way, to what I was just saying!

This brings to bear the one truly new thing that I hope can make a difference. The internet. Before the internet, the lights were mostly isolated. People cultivated friendships with others that felt the same way about positive change. But they were still surrounded by mostly shallow, uncaring people. Ideas could be shared but it took a lot more effort and they had to fight across vast expanses of darkness to alight on like minds. But the internet enables all like minds to connect. Maybe that will be a good thing. Although it might also be bad, seeing as how movements tend to fracture and split over petty differences. Perhaps the internet will just increase the pace that movements devolve into multiple movements that share basically the same goal but bicker and fight over the particulars. I know I see this all the time on Tumblr and I like to think most of it is just youthful passion looking for any opponent and that that will be tempered with time. I know that I've been written off by people quite a few times simply due to my facetious nature on this blog and I don't always treat certain subjects with the proper gravitas others believe is required. That's fine. Every individual can only interpret things the way they interpret things and if I anger somebody, I can't be upset at them for lashing out at me. I often say stupid things for a laugh, say crass things for satirical purposes, and can get plain disgusting in some people's eyes if they think masturbation should not be talked about (and celebrated!) in a public place.

In the end, the only thing I really hope for all of us looking to improve our society is that we concentrate our attacks on the darkness rather than trying to prove that our light shines brighter than the other lights.

Oh look. Fawkes continues with the lights as well.

You should just ignore all of that previous shit. Just remember this: Scott Lobdell is the true evil.

Pandora comes to the conclusion that she can become host to the Light just as Chris is host to the Blight. That's nicely symmetrical, right? And she believes that the world still has a chance to be saved as long as there is still hope. But Chris's last name is Esperanza which means hope! So as long as Chris lives, Blight can be defeated! The Justice League Dark must take care to win Chris the Redeemer back to their side so that he can banish The Blight from his body.

This new incarnation of the Seven Soldiers of Victory meet Blight and his army in the middle of the George Washington Bridge in New York. But the real crux of the battle is the hand-to-hand combat between Pandora and Chris, Light and Blight. Pandora uses the light of everyone around the world with any kindness within them. In Constantine #10, Pandora said she was shown the goodness within each of her companions. And now she uses that knowledge to help make her stronger. And she's able to drive The Blight away.

For now! This Crossover is far from over!

Pandora and The Phantom Stranger take mercy on Chris and let him live. I believe that's the right thing to do although Constantine wants them to kill him. And he's kind of proven right when The Blight retakes Chris who begins choking the shit out of The Phantom Stranger. But that's just because this story has many more issues to go. Like keeping Gollum alive in The Lord of the Rings, the team will eventually only defeat The Blight by keeping hope alive. Hope being Christ the Babysitter!

Blight dissipates The Phantom Stranger before being tackled off the bridge by Pandora where they both sink to the bottom of the river. John asks himself, "What do we do now, John?" and Zauriel answers, "What do you think?" What he thinks is that they need to finish the fight once and for all, so it looks like they're going to have to take a dip into the river. Or get Deadman to fish Pandora and Blight out.

Pandora #7 Rating: +2 Ranking. Another good chapter in The Blight Crossover even though it didn't really afford any opportunities for vulgarity and mean-spirited comments.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Harley Quinn #2

Is this some kind of pet store Hunger Games?

I visit a pet store once a month to clean the floors and it's never been like this. Of course, the cats are kept separate from the dogs and the dogs are kept separate from the parrots and the parrots are kept separate from the fish and the fish are kept separate from the rats and the rats are kept separate from the ferrets and the ferrets are kept separate from the spiders and the spiders are kept separate from the rabbits which are not kept separate from the guinea pigs. So with all of this separation, why are the guinea pigs and bunny rabbits advanced enough to engage in integration? I think it's because they have the same basic temperament. They're kept in a big square open air arena that I call the Panic Pit. Because if just one single creature in that pit feels it's about to die for any fucking Goddamned reason, it scurries to the far corner causing a stampede of fuzzy to follow it into the corner where each little creature attempts to hide under each other little creature. Because as a tiny prey animal, your only hope of survival is the predator's belly full of your friends.

Oh! I made a mix tape for you! Actually, I made it for my cousin but I'm giving it to all of you as well. It's called Revolution 101--Songs to Occupy By. I'm just going to give you the playlist though. You'll have to gather the songs together yourself and put them on a tape and make a cool tape cover and then feel special when it's all done and you pretend I just gave it to you. Here's the playlist:

1. "Who Do You Think We Are?" -- Alice Cooper
2. "Future Boys" -- Electric Six
3. "The Meek Shall Inherit" -- Little Shop of Horrors Soundtrack
4. "I'm Only Sleeping" -- The Beatles
5. "Agenda Suicide" -- The Faint
6. "There's More To Life Than This" -- Björk
7. "Gotta Give the Peeps What They Need" -- Public Enemy
8. "Shame on You" -- Indigo Girls
9. "Paper Planes" -- M.I.A.
10. "The Meaning of Life" -- Monty Python
11. "Performance Art" -- Sifl and Olly
12. "Hazy Shade of Winter" -- The Bangles
13. "Mommy and Daddy" -- The Monkees
14. "The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead" -- XTC
15. "Walk or Ride" -- The Ditty Bops
16. "Piggies" -- The Beatles
17. "The Fear" -- Lily Allen
18. "A Battle Hymn for Children" -- The Faint
19. "Beautiful Flyaway" -- Alice Cooper
20. "Give a Reason" -- Slayers Soundtrack
21. "The Wild and The Young" -- Quiet Riot
22. "Rainbow Connection" -- Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

This gives a detailed example of my version of revolution. It contains equal hints of apathy, and righteous anger at the status quo's and oppressive institutions' attitudes, and eventual optimism in the strength of the individual to choose their own way. Apathy is very important to revolution. To really change things, you have to not care. Not about your own life, of course! You just don't give a shit about the institution or what the culture or society expects of you. You don't allow assholes to constantly put you in a defensive position. You just do what you believe is right or what you feel makes you comfortable. Live the way you want society to be. Don't live by society's values and try to change things as you're playing the game. Don't fucking play the game. Ignore the game. As the kids probably don't say, "You do you."

I had very explicit reasons for each song I put on the compilation but since those reasons have nothing to do with Harley Quinn, I'll skip them. For now! But I'll probably need something more to talk about in my next commentary! Anyway, on to Harley Quinn!

If you're only interested in what happened in this month's Harley Quinn, start here!

The issue begins with Harley dry humping the Joker Wax Figure in her Museum of Murder!

You know it's not really The Joker because he isn't belittling or smacking Harley. Also, he has his face. Also also, I don't think it was meant to fool anybody. Also also also, also.

Also also also also, the first panel on the next page is an exact representation of my sentence preceding the previous scanned image.

The dark figure in the doorway is Madame Macabre. She runs the House of Murder. And she is probably on the Roller Derby team.

While Harley is out doing some shopping for a fridge to keep the bodies of all the assassins that come after her but wind up dead by mysterious circumstances instead, she passes by a pet adoption agency that murders kittens. They also euthanize puppies but I'm okay with that. Fuck puppies! The only thing they're good for is to warm your feet. But even then, I never know what to do with all the organs I scooped out so that my feet fit snugly inside.

But Harley has a place with one whole floor that's wide open! It can be a pet sanctuary where the mongeese and the cobras and the kittens and the raccoons and the goats run free! She speaks with some of the picketers holding signs that say things like "Catnaps not Dirtnaps" and "Kill People Not Animals." But my favorite sign of them all is "Let us pet them!"

Harley is not allowed to adopt any animals because the lady that runs the place would rather kill them than let Harley crazy love them. It might be because Harley describes herself as a "nuturer." Was she trying to say "nurturer?" Or "neuterer?" Or "nuttier?" Or "Nuttelaer?" It doesn't really matter because she's just so adorable when she says it with her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth.

Harley decides to call over a friend later that night to help liberate the animals from death row.

Oh! I know what she loves better than plants! Fucking professors for good grades!

Poison Ivy comes for a visit and almost accidentally has sex with Harley due to the word beaver being slang for vagina for some reason. I wonder if Davy Crockett came up with that term? He's the only guy I know that probably ever felt a beaver pelt and a vagina at the same time. Also the only guy to fuck a beaver. So he would know if a beaver and a vagina were practically the same thing.

Once Poison Ivy realizes she's only reliving the stuffed beaver joke from The Naked Gun movies, she turns her concentration on the Great Animal Prison Escape Plan. The Plan winds up working really well and all the animals run free! Right out into the city streets, leaving Harley and Ivy to hunt them down.

I guess one dog was an amputee.

While hunting down the dogs, Harley has a hit-and-run-in with a hit-and-run-man. The guy must be the weakest asshole on the planet because after Harley kicks his ass, she ties him up with sausage links. I'm fairly certain I could tear myself free from sausage links and I'm a weakling! And even if I couldn't, I could eat my way through them. Maybe this hitman is a strict vegan. And he'd rather die at Harley's hands than eat through his meat bindings. He's no hypocrite! Except, well, he seemed to be trying to kill Harley. Is it okay to be vegan and still kill humans? Because fuck humans, right?

Apparently the birds and cats went one way when the animals escaped and the dogs went the other. Seems like the logical thing to do. I don't know what the fucking hamsters did. Probably ran off to bite someone in the thumb and be a total dick about it.

I cannot fathom why someone would buy a hamster over a rat. Fucking hamsters are stupid assholes. Rats are loving and smart and curious. Hamsters are fuzzy piranhas pretending to be cute.

Harley puts all the dogs on the third floor and feeds them the assassin. The kittens get to live in the sink while the birds and cats live wherever the fuck they please. The next morning, Harley awakens to find that Ivy has already left but she didn't go without giving Harley a present. She's turned the entire third floor into a garden and dog park. Danzig comes by with his friend Rodney who is part dog and offers to help Harley fix the place up so the dogs have somewhere to shit other than all over the apartment. And meanwhile, some voyeur that needs to be hand fed watches Harley from a room across the street. Probably one of the old people in the place that Harley applied to work as a counselor.

Harley Quinn #2 Rating: +2 Ranking. This comic is fun and whimsical and it has Pam and Harley hanging out in their underwear. I mean, it has them being adorable friends who just happen to also be completely psychotic. Plus animals that eat hitmen. Who needs refrigeration when you've got a bunch of animals that aren't very picky eaters.

Batman #27

If only this were the actual Batman.

Commissioner Gordon: "Batman! We need your help! The Joker was seen gassing strangers at the downtown cineplex!"
Commissioner Gordon: "Batman? Batman? Downtown! Danger! Evil! Help!"
Commissioner Gordon: "Hey, um, Harvey? Do you, by chance, have you the number of Batwoman? Batgirl? Robin? I'll take a Robin at this point!"

This issue begins in Tokyo in 1946, of course. Why the fuck not?! Has anybody checked on Scott Snyder lately? Who's turning in his scripts? Does he have a habit of getting blackout drunk? Does he even fucking remember that he was busy with a Riddler story? I guess The Riddler is like caulk. He's just filling in the gaps between The Red Hood and the Doctor Boner stories. And now maybe he's starting a new story over in Japan.

Is she making a Bat Signal or an Owl Signal?!

Maybe Snyder didn't like that, in his $3.99 book, he has to write two pages more than the other lazy writers at DC so he decided to fill them with stories that don't make any fucking sense! Last issue, it was some secret hidden base in the desert with giant Ben Wa Balls that house prisoners. This time, it's a foxy lady singing to American GIs overseas. Oh, I'm sure it'll all make sense at some point. If it is indeed Snyder still writing this comic book!

Seriously. Has anybody spoken to him face to face recently? I'm worried.

After the detour through Tokyo, the comic begins where the last one left off. The police are shooting the shit out of Batman and they know all of his getaway tactics. He can't get Alfred on the radio and he's desperate to find a way to retreat. He manages to blast his way out to sea underwater using an air tank with the nozzle knocked off. And that's where he meets the guy that's going to become a pretty good friend. Eventually. And lover. Probably eventually.

Jimbo Gordon!

Batman was shot at and nearly blown up so many times in the last few pages that my suspension of disbelief short-circuited. So now I'm left with rationalizing how he survived this set-up by the Gotham Police and I can only come to one conclusion. He did not survive. He was killed and his body floated out to see where Gordon, now insane from the long hours and the criminals use of strange gases and having to deal with nearly complete corruption in the force, pulls Batman's lifeless body onto his boat while hallucinating that Batman is still alive. In other words, Batman died six years ago and Batman is Commissioner Gordon's Tyler Durden. Bruce Wayne still exists because, after months had passed and Bruce failed to come home, Alfred knew he was finally, truly gone. So he found a homeless man that looked like Bruce Wayne, cleaned him up, and tells him what to do for a nice weekly salary. Alfred figured as long as people thought Bruce was still alive, the paychecks would continue to clear. Especially now that Bruce had seen fit to give him a 10,000% raise.

As Gordon drives Batman's corpse back to the shore, he tells it about when he first met Bruce Wayne. It's the perfect story to pass the time because it's the coat that Gordon received that day which led Bruce to think Gordon couldn't be trusted years later. Of course, Gordon probably keeps the coat as a reminder to stay warm and dry.

Gordon finds what you'd expect to find: clothing, cops, and dog fighting.

As Gordon finishes his story, he turns around to find that Batman's corpse has fallen out of the boat. Gordon believes he somehow stealthily disappeared which is why Gordon always thinks Batman suddenly appears and disappears when he's really just a fucking figment of his imagination.

Back at the Batcave, Alfred lays a theory on Bruce that Bruce doesn't want any help from anybody because he's angry with them all and he's punishing them by making them watch him save everybody and nearly die every night. But I don't know how to keep up the ruse that Batman is dead when describing this scene or scanning it so now I'm angry at it. How dare it ruin my fun? Why wasn't somebody there to stop it from ruining my fun? Why couldn't Scott Snyder write it in such an ambiguous way that I could continue to live out my Batman is Dead ruse? I'm so angry. I'm going to punish my comic book. I'm going to make it watch as I masturbate every night, dangerously and angrily and out of vengeance and darkness!

Oh! Also, Alfred explains what was happening out in the desert with Bruce Wayne inside the giant Ben Wa Balls! Bruce Wayne had been sighted and Uncle Phil was sending mercenaries to pick him up. So Alfred spent all of his money out of his Secret Tin to hire a courier to get a phone to Bruce Wayne so that Alfred could warn him that somebody was coming to drag him back to Gotham and force him to become a boring fucking business man. So that's what that was all about. I still don't know what was going on with the singer in Tokyo and the American G.I.

Batman has a hunch he knows where Doctor Boner's hideout is located, so he heads to some Catacombs and finds a lab. But instead of finding Doctor Boner's big plan, he finds The Riddler's big plan which is just a bigger plan on top of Doctor Boner's big plan since Doctor Boner is working for Edward Nygma.

I'm finding making dick jokes about Scott Snyder's Batman is difficult. Notice I didn't say hard? That would have been inappropriate to the gravitas of this comic book. What is gravitas? Is that like gravy?

The Riddler floods the lab and believes that The Batman has drowned because this is the first time The Riddler has ever attempted to kill Batman. He'll know better next time (and even more better the time after that!) that The Batman is not an easy person to kill. And maybe he'll make his riddles a little extra harder because of it. But at least The Riddler left a few more clues so that Batman can stop his major plan which is some kind of Doomsday Machine in Three Parts. The Riddler's clues are "Gotham's Bones" which might mean its foundation and/or its penis, "Gotham's Blood" which probably means the electrical system, and "Gotham's Bowels" which is obviously the sewers.

Batman #27 Rating: No change. The Next Month Blurb mentions a glimpse into the future of Batman Eternal. DC, your Weekly Comics had better count as four each out of the fifty-two or else I'm going to have to begin making some cutbacks. Um, also, Batman was pretty good but I still wish I were reading the entire story at one time.

Rogues Rebellion #4

What the fuck? Did Bane and everybody else take a time out in their Arkham War to beat the shit out of a few out-of-towners?

As the issue begins, we're (I accept all of you as my traveling companions in the World of DC's New 52. Shall we get a drink at the hostel bar before heading out? Maybe a little hanky-panky in the shared bathroom while a drunk German vomits out a lung in the stall next to us while intermittently shouting, "Her-ka! Her-ka! *BLAAAARGH*") introduced to The New 52 Royal Flush Gang. It's possible they showed up for a brief moment in Forever Evil but a lot of fucking assholes cameoed in that so forgive me if I can't quite recall. They're operating out of Atlantic City at the "Man of Steal" casino. Which looks like The Daily Planet. I get that it's just themed like Metropolis but if I were Clark Kent, I'd be a little bit worried that they might be on to my secret identity over there in Atlantic City. I bet Las Vegas runs odds on the most likely candidates for Superman's secret identity. And probably Batman and all the others. I wonder what the payout was for guessing that Dick Grayson was Nightwing? I bet the odds were near even on that bet since Bruce Wayne has got to be fucking front runner for being Batman. Odds makers don't fuck around. They know shit. They're practically mystic shaman.

Anyway, The Royal Flush Gang remind me why the cover is the way the cover is and why a bunch of psychotic assholes might actually take a moment to break from war to capture The Rogues. I forgot that The Crime Syndicate put out a hit on them. And The Royal Flush Gang wants that cash control of all gambling from coast to coast. Who the fuck is going to have time to gamble in this fucked up world run by super assholes?

The Royal Flush Gang is confusing. The guy in the throne seemed to obviously be The Ace of Spades and yet the Ace of Hearts calls him "King." Do these fuckers know how cards work?

Back in Gotham, Mirror Master learns what Mister Freeze really wants.

Silly Putty! Why didn't Plastic Man go with that name and take the lucrative product tie-in deal!?

Mirror Master chooses not to help Mister Freeze which is mostly okay because, apparently, Clayface can actually use the powers of the person he replicates if their powers are a result of a change in genetic structure. So if Clayface sucks down some of Weather Wizard's sweet, sweet DNA, then Claypuss can control the weather! Wow. Clayface can really get pretty powerful, can't he?

Meanwhile in a police impound lot, The Trickster, having been separated, meets up with a cool guy in a hoodie. He doesn't seem suspicious at all, hiding his facial features and slinking around in the dark. He's probably a priest or a doctor or something not crazy or scary at all. The Trickster thinks he's a bit creepy but what does The Trickster know? People are probably more dangerous in Central City than in Gotham.

No, no. The guy turns out to be Zsasz. I knew Talon went too easy on him over in Arkham War. Fucking Talon can't do anything right.

Who's posting pictures of Zsasz on Tumblr? Who the fuck are they shipping him with? I'd go with Ferdie. #Ferdsz

Back at the main action, Weather Wizard comes about and Heatwave tells Mister Freeze that he "ain't no Captain Cold." You're fucking telling me! I hate friggin' Mister Freeze! Taking all of Captain Cold's glory simply because Mister Freeze wound up on the big screen. And even though it was a crappy movie, it was still publicity. So now even people who don't like Batman or comic books still know who Mister Freeze is. But he doesn't deserve that kind of recognition. Not at all. Captain Cold is a fucking captain! Mister Freeze is just, like, your neighbor or something! "Oh, good morning, Mister Freeze. Nice day today, yeah?"

The fight is a bit of a stalemate when Black Mask and The Best Fucking Gang in Gotham arrive on the scene.

Seriously. Best fucking gang ever. Although they really could use a raccoon. And a kitten. At least they've got a goat. Also note how poor Clayface is, yet again, being verbally abused because of his looks.

As the Rogues are getting their asses handed to them, The Trickster arrives with their getaway vehicle. But they still can't get away until Heatwave stays behind to blow himself up in a gigantic conflagration that might kill The Bunny and maybe The Monkey but none of the really important super villains. It does, though, give the Rogues (minus Heatwave) a chance to escape. So Heatwave proves that he is a big softy and not the asshole he was trying to make me believe that he was. Too bad I don't give a shit about him or this might have been a nice moment. Also, no way in fuck is he (or Mister Freeze or Clayface or Black Mask) dead. Did I need to type that? That's obvious, right? Comic Books 101!

As the Rogues are leaving Gotham, the Royal Flush Gang catches up with them. They point out that they have The Glider and that she's going to die if The Rogues don't give themselves up to be turned over to The Crime Syndicate where they'll all die anyway. Including Glider. The Royal Flush Gang aren't very good at doing their homework though since they fly in on shiny, reflective metal cards. Which means they're all going to wind up in Mirror World in about seven seconds.

Rogues Rebellion #4 Rating: No change. Some enjoyable moments here but it felt like mostly treading water. I suppose Heatwave's sacrifice was the big moment here. And how he's once again stated his mistrust of Captain Cold. Maybe Mick is going to be out since he seemed the least able to get with the "Rogues are Family" program.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Superboy #27

Based on Marv Wolfman's previous New 52 work, I'm going to assume that Superboy just raped all of these people into unconsciousness.

Superboy boy was killed when he went back into Krypton's past and forgot to return to the future. Also he disintegrated somehow. But I still have to read a comic book with his name on it? This sucks.

Joke-el is the new hero of this comic book but he's no hero! He's a hero killer! The heroes he's currently trying to kill are the Teen Titans. Who are not actually heroes but whiny jerks. So I might have made a mistake in my logic chain somewhere. At least Raven isn't wearing her feather face on the cover.

Apparently between issues or somewhere that I was not, Superboy freed The Green Voice and now The Green Voice is treating him like shit. She's possessing guards and making them attack him. She's taking control of his body and making him shit his long johns. She's laughing in his stupid face over and over and over.

I'm really enjoying it! Also, The Green Voice looks like my kind of comic book character crush!

Joke-el calls her Schiz. I'm going to pronounce it S-Cheese because I won't participate in making light of a serious mental illness. Wait. Maybe by calling her S-Cheese, that's exactly what I'm doing?

Schiz is going around this unknown planet, which is far from Earth and located somewhere in the 30th Century timewise, killing people and having fun and mind controlling them as well. Once I get a really good look at her, I find I'm not attracted to her at all. She's not adorable and her personality is grating. Also, I don't fucking know where she came from or why she's free or what the fuck is actually happening since the last issue of Superboy. Maybe I should have meticulously explained exactly how last issue ended in my last commentary so I wouldn't be so lost. Although I get the feeling that wouldn't have helped and Wolfman is just leaving the reader to pick up and put the pieces together as the reader continues to read. I hate doing that. I want everything served right up to me early with a nice round of "I am a living weapon" and "My name is Superboy" Narration Boxes!

Boy, you really never know what you've got until it's gone, do you? I meant "boy" as a contemplative exclamation and not as a derogatory term directed at you, the reader, who may or may not be any kind of boy at all. My guess is most everybody reading this is an internet spider.

Schiz attempts to make Joke-el eat a bullet with her telekinetic super reverse-empathy psionic powers. She has a reason and it's a very good reason. And it's not stupidly reliant on time travel in any way at all. I mean, technically isn't. Because Joke-el was the first of Schiz's kind. They were all created just like he was in a tube but I suppose they were all destroyed when it was seen how violent and disturbed Joke-el turned out to be. I don't know why more Super Tube Babies were created. To keep supplying Joke-el with replacement organs? Schiz mentions that there were 111 Super Tube Babies. That's all they could manage across 1000 years? Harvest managed to create two in like six months!

Oh wait! I know what my problem is! My problem is trying to understand what's happening without all of the pieces of the puzzle! I haven't collected them all yet and I'm only on page six. Maybe when Raven appears to save the day, I won't be confused any more.

How does Raven know the name of this mountain range? Did she intuit it? Also, what's so scarlet about those mountains?

I know, I know! The red sun probably shines off of the snow and makes them glow bright red. Unless it takes a Blue Dwarf to get that effect. What am I? An astrologer?! What do I know about space phenomena? Unless this would be categorized as "weather phenomena?" But I'm also not a Meteorlogicist!

Raven tries to team up with Superboy to destroy the Titans at a later date (probably Teen Titans Annual #2 although I really wish they could make it sooner) but Superboy doesn't trust her. So she leaves him in the Scarlet Mountains. During the journey back to ECHO Command Hospital, Joke-el decides to remember freeing Schiz.

Luckily their minds are connected or I'd be whining about how he remembers Schiz thinking about their minds being connected after he fled the scene.

Old Earth is on the other side of the galaxy from wherever the fuck ECHO Team is now located. So I guess that guard last issue that mentioned hunting on Phobos must have meant New Phobos and not Old Phobos because I doubt he could afford a trip to Old Sol on his guard salary.

As Superboy arrives back at ECHO Hospital, he thinks, "Time and life...they're both a circle. I'm back where this latest chapter of my life began." Now, I'm not arguing that time and life aren't a circle and I'm not arguing that time and life are a circle. But he offers no proof as to why he thinks that. Am I supposed to just take it on faith without any supporting theories? Is the fact that he once was in one location and then returned to that location later proof enough that time and life are not only magazines but circles as well? Should I be thinking this every time I'm on the toilet? "Well, lookee here, Tess! Ya just keep on finding yourself back here. Like a boomerang! Life and time...they're both boomerangs."

Let me stop myself for a quick mini-review of Marv Wolfman's New 52 work: it is dick. It's all dick. Dick dick dick. And not delicious, well-veined, throbbing dick leaking minute amounts of pre-cum. No, no. This is malformed, warty, bent-out-of-shape from fucking inanimate objects dick leaking large amounts of pus. This is the dick mommy warned you about when she said love and sex go together. Because nobody could ever love this dick that Marv Wolfman is presenting to us and nobody would dare put it in any of their orifices. And I say this as a fan of Wolfman's work from the eighties! Maybe I was just a stupid teenager back then and Wolfman's work has always been dick. But that would mean teenage me liked Marv Wolfman's dick and I'm not about to admit that yet since my mother is still alive.

Superboy once again encounters Schiz because Raven doesn't have time for this shit. She has to get back to her own pile of shit over in Teen Titans. I'm not even sure why she appeared. I suppose Wolfman had to let us know that she knew that Superboy was not Kon and that she was willing to work with him. Well, now Schiz points out that she's willing to work with Joke-el too. As well as all of her non-meta-yet-still-has-super-powers friends. I don't really know what the fucking difference is. I suppose it's a very specific gene although if that one gene is the only difference between a person Joke-el can and can't kill, it's really fucking arbitrary. Anyway, Schiz knows 111 super-powered humans that Joke-el won't kill and they're all ready to become Joke-el's soldiers. She wants them all to travel back in time so they can become the new Ravagers. She promises that she can punctuate far better than Fairchild and her lackeys.

Here's the amazing history: humans feared the metas because of their super-powers. So the humans took other humans and gave them super-powers to kill the metas. But then the humans realized they now feared the normal humans with super-powers. So they had to hunt them down and kill them too. I suppose whoever had that job was soon feared by the humans because they seemed to have super powers. They were probably hunted down and killed as well. And then so were those hunters. And then the next set of hunters. And so on. These humans out on the edge of the galaxy are fearful idiots! Can you imagine living amongst those kinds of people?! Crazy time!

So the Green Voice was actually Raven and she was pulling a Harvest where she manipulates everybody for the perfectly desired outcome. At least she, out of all the master manipulators so far in The New 52 (and there are lots of them!), admits that random chance is also a factor.

Superboy #27 Rating: -1 Ranking. Does DC have that much invested in the idea of The Ravagers that they have to get them up and running again? That's what's happening here, right? Maybe Joke-el is Harvest and Harvest's creation is Joke-el! Except that wouldn't work since DC has already put out so many clues that Harvest is Vampire Tim Drake from the Future.

Constantine #10

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Nightwing #27

I thought about reprinting my first editorial essay for a 'zine my friends and I put out many years ago so that everybody could see how my writing style has evolved. But then I saw the date on the 'zine was November 1994 and I figured I could wait a few months for a the twenty year anniversary of The Galactic Hero Corps. I reread the essay and either I'd found my writing style around twenty years of age or else I've just never actually improved since then. Here's a teaser as I express my excitement at writing editorials in our new little magazine (and I swear I wrote it in November of 1994 when I was 23): "I have things other than the Galactic Hero Corps on my mind. Just think, a place where I can discuss all those existential ideas that people ponder every second of their lives. I can spread my wisdom to thousands of people I normally couldn't enlighten. Or hundreds. Or dozens. Or just a few, as the case may be."

Holy fuck. I've actually accomplished my dream of the nineties! Twenty years later and I'm doing exactly what I planned on doing! Or, looking at it another way, twenty years later and I'm still doing the same exact fucking shit I was doing in my early twenties! That was supposed to be negative but after typing it, it feels fucking positive to me!

Okay, enough about me. Time to tear Nightwing a new asshole. Not that there's anything wrong with his current one. I suspect. It would be a shame if he had huge hemorrhoids and gaping anal fissures all over that sweet, sweet heinie.

Who didn't prefer the March Hare over the Mad Hatter?! The March Hare was cute and cuddly and lovable and the March Hare was a scary ass madman (or woman. I really could never tell) with a huge fucking head.

This issue is called "Curiouser and Curiouser" because Gotham City can't control its Alice in Wonderland references. Now Nightwing finds himself mired in Lewis Carroll references all the way out here in Chicago.

Stupid Saturday Night Live. Whenever the word "Chicago" enters my brain, my brain has to repeat to itself, "What begins with 'C', ends in 'O', and has 'Hicag' in the middle?"

After Nightwing and Marionette defeat all of The Mad Hatter's mind-controlled thugs while The Mad Hatter gets away, Dick discovers that the thugs are being controlled by their cellphones. I told him that last issue but I don't think my voice can permeate the comic book page.

Wait a second. Ignore that last paragraph because I got ahead of myself. Nightwing and Marionette merely save Michael, Dick's Roommate, and Michael's cop friend before having to escape themselves. The Mad Hatter and his conscious thugs don't go anywhere. Maybe I should just delete that last paragraph. But then I'd have to delete this paragraph too because it mentions the last paragraph.

Nightwing and Marionette get a room later and sit around in their costumes talking about Marionette's time as Mad Hatter's favorite Alice.

Wait a second. Shouldn't her super villain name by Humpty Dumpty?

Nightwing, being a master of reading people's emotions on their stupid faces, notices the way The Marionette's bangs are dangling and realizes she's scared. Uh oh. My hair is dangling down my forehead too! What the fuck am I so afraid of?!

Dick heads back to his apartment where he once again finds his window shut and locked. Ha ha! Nightwing keeps getting locked out of his apartment. You know, I don't think he should be going into his window in full costume anyway. He really should have a place to hide out to change and then walk home. Unless he's rented the only building in Chicago without a line of sight from anywhere to his window. You figure someone at some point is going to look the right way at just the right moment and suddenly know where Nightwing lives. Or where he goes for his booty calls, anyway.

People that might also figure out who he is? His roommate's snoopy friend.

Unless she's her cousin. Or the kid she babysits. Why the fuck should I remember a minor character's relationship to an even more minor character?!

Is Nightwing ready for a sidekick?! I think Jen is going to be his sidekick! But he'll have to train her quickly before his comic book is cancelled so that she can go out on her own or join The Better Written Teen Titans in their next incarnation. I think her super hero name will be Hummingbird.

So Nightwing wants to try to get Mad Hatter to cure The Marionette of her "sliding personalities" and The Mad Hatter wants to get The Marionette back to be his favorite Alice. That probably means that there will be a confrontation and a battle. But The Marionette has plans of her own. I know it's hard to believe since she's the female character and should probably just be falling in love with Nightwing and touching his butt as often as possible. Her plan is to pretend to help Nightwing kidnap the Mad Hatter so she can be cured but in reality she's just going to steal as much Kanium as possible so that she can administer the drugs to herself without being trapped in a hospital. Although if she really needed to take Kanium, an element that was just discovered ten years ago, she'd need to live in a super-collider while holding Americium in her mouth while she's bombarded with Calcium atoms. That sounds worse than being stuck in a hospital bed eating jello. But since I've never been in either, I can't really know for sure. Super-colliders could be really comfortable.

Soylent Tea is Kanium! It's Kanium!

The Marionette gets away with enough tea to keep her sane until she's ready to make another appearance in the New 52. The Mad Hatter is arrested because he's found carrying Lysergic Acid Tea Leaves and Ketamine Tea Bags. I wish I knew The Mad Hatter in real life.

In the epilogue, or the come-downer-time, or the denouement, Dick is drawn really fucking poorly.

He's actually thinking about himself and his relationship with Joey, his roommate. But he could be talking about Batman and all that Death in the Family shit that went down.

Dick goes back home to apologize. That's when he meets Jen's parents. Jen's mother is a red-head! Look out, Mr. Jen's Father! Dick is getting some of that! Also, Jen now has a huge crush on Dick because she knows he's Nightwing. Also she's been busy drawing Nightwing's symbol so I bet she's going to come up with a costume of her own! Here comes Hummingbird!

Nightwing #27 Rating: +2 Ranking. It held my interest! Plus I want some Ketamine Tea now! Not the amount that Dexter liked to give people! Maybe the amount Jordan Prentice takes in In Bruges. Well, maybe three times that amount. Although his character really is a pretty big abuser of drugs, so the same dose that fucks him up will probably fuck me up pretty good even though I'm three times his weight or more. I need to get better at this review paragraph already! It's only been about 1300 commentaries and I still don't know how to say things like, "The plot was integral to the plot and the themes were theming all over the place. Also, the art was very artistic and the dialogue just dialogued right off the page."

Monday, January 27, 2014

Suicide Squad #27

At first glance, I thought Deadshot's brains were leaking out.

Here is a review of my blog: "i have no idea what's happening here"

One of the reasons I'm such a horrible writer is that I assume that people already know everything and that I don't have to explain myself. It's why I can't write critical essays about anything because I watch a movie like Boxing Helena, and I figure, "What is there to write about? It's obviously a feminist movie about the male gaze and how love and objectification are inherently intertwined to such a degree that even most people don't know when they actually love a person or they love the idea of the person that they've put upon a pedestal. At least they're unsure up until somebody hacks off their true love's arms and legs and makes them realize that they can live without that person." Or something like that. I don't know. I only saw the movie the one time many years ago. I don't even know why I brought it up just now! Fuck. This is why I'm a horrible writer!

Most people probably wouldn't even consider me a writer since they probably have only read this blog which could easily be misconstrued as "criticism." I suppose that's a valid argument although you're getting into a weird semantic place if you've decided that "critics" aren't actually "writers." I'd say you'd have to look at each case individually. Roger Ebert was a great writer and critic. Critics that think up a few puns on the title of a movie they were paid to see are not writers. They are whores (minus the sexual connotation of that meaning plus the connotation of doing anything for money multiplied by bad facial hair).

At least I'm not the "writer" that reblogged a gif set of Beyonce singing "Surfboard. Surfboard. Grainin' on that wood. Grainin', grainin' on that wood" and then captioned it with "She is literally singing about riding dick." No. NO! She is metaphorically singing about riding dick! Unless Jay-Z's penis is named "Surfboard" this is a metaphor. If she were literally singing about "riding dick," the lyrics would be, "Penis! Penis! Ridin' on that dick. Ridin', ridin' on that dick." See the difference?

So now that we've gotten past how much I suck, let's turn our attention to something that doesn't suck: your mom! Shit, there goes my bad writing again! Well, I couldn't honestly type "Suicide Squad" after saying "something that doesn't suck," could I? It's not like this comic book has been very consistent in its characters and story telling. I hear it's been cancelled which is good because it needs to go back to the drawing board. DC, leave this one in the closet until you've come up with a decent game plan for it.

When we last saw the Suicide Squad, the Rocky Mountains had fallen on top of them.

Too late! Deadshot already lit a lighter at the end of last issue! So thank him for proving there were no gas leaks.

Oh! That panel reminded me how when people begin any comment by saying, "Guys!", you know you're about to hear the most obvious bullshit ever. It usually happens when people are leaving joking comments and having fun and being facetious and then some person that thinks they're going to edumacate all the lazy, joking slackers about a thing or two pipes up to tell everyone something that they probably already fucking knew. Generally it's apparent that everybody knew what the "Guys!" Guy was going to say because the jokes wouldn't work if people didn't know what the jokes were playing off of. "But Guys! Listen! In all seriousness, this is the most important thing that was ever written because of reasons!" Fuck off, you namby-pamby titmouse!

Although maybe my annoyance of the "Guys!" people is an off-shoot of my thinking that everybody already knows everything which makes me a horrible writer?!

Power Girl showing off her Grandmaster Boob/Butt Showcase Skills. Also, take a look at the Boob Window, R.B. Silva. That's where it should be placed.

Once this group manage to get out from under the rock Power Girl is holding up, they split up to find an exit from the rubble. Deadshot and Jerko head down deeper, Captain Boomerang and Steel head up, and the Unknown Soldier and the most useful person in this situation stay put to relay messages between groups. How about a better plan? Power Girl makes a hole for them all to climb through. Laser eyes. Super strength. Ability to eat anything and not have to poo. Whatever power she chooses. She can save them all and The Unknown Soldier volunteers for her to do nothing. He must have some ulterior motive. Or else giving him super duper powers has weakened his ability to think tactically.

The next bunch of pages are spent giving readers the origins of this rag-tag group of rag-tags. I'm not sure why I need to know where Power Girl came from in the pages of Suicide Squad. It's been covered elsewhere and I don't think it needed two pages to explain that she's a hero and not one of the criminals that usually wind up in the Suicide Squad. The Unknown Soldier also gets a bit of a reminder of who he is. It's not really enough to explain anything except to those that don't already know it. And hopefully not many people know his secret origin since it was first told in Men of War and that comic book series was awful in its execution. Mediocre stories told poorly. That should be the blurb on the back cover of the Men of War Trade Paperback! "Mediocre stories told poorly--Tessatechaitea!"

The Unknown Soldier mentions his families death in "a random act of terror." I fucking hate that term. It's not a random act of terror! It's a random act of violence! The Unknown Soldier actually corrects himself later and changes it to just that phrase. A general sense of terror and unease is what is supposed to be created by these random acts of violence. But people do not die in terror bombings. They die in bombings. Stop fucking labeling everything with terror. The goal of the terrorist is to create terror. And apparently the goal of the media and government officials is exactly the same fucking thing.

Steel also gets a bit of a refresher on his origin but his is informative. He really hasn't been seen much (or at all?) since his appearance in Action Comics, so his bit explains what happened to him since then.

So let me get this straight. Waller uses vile people to do things she believes are for the greater good and Steel thinks this is wrong. So he wants to use Waller, a person vile to him, to do things he believes are for the greater good. Narcissist!

Captain Boomerang gets a bit and that's all new because he's made a few minor appearances but not yet had a secret origin. In the Preboot Universe, his secret origin was that he was a guy that learned how to throw boomerangs. But now in the Reboot Universe, he has magic boomerangs! So how'd he get those? According to his two page origin, not even he knows. Or he's at least pretending not to know. His normal boomerang throwing origin seems to be that of a young psychopath going through all the normal motions. Killing small animals. Probably setting fires. Most likely wetting the bed. And then escalating to killing tourists. His mother was one of Australia's indigenous people and seems to have found Captain Boomerang abandoned in the Outback. He also might just be called "Boomerang" instead of "Captain Boomerang" but that's confusing because doesn't Marvel have a guy just named Boomerang?

Warrant also gets a file. His amounts to "I was a Teenage Douchebag." Probably. I don't know. Why bother reading it? He's a jerk. Who calls themselves Warrant? After that mess in the eighties and/or very early nineties, that name should be as dead as Hitler and Judas. The most important part about Warrant is that he's Israeli. No wait. I fucked that up. The most important part about Warrant is that he's after Deadshot. And he doesn't know the meaning of Wanted: Dead or Alive. Mostly because of that "alive" part.

Deadshot's file is all about Deadshot remembering every bullet he's ever shot out of every gun ever. He also must be fairly delusional since he talks about putting every bullet he shoots where he meant to shoot it and planning every kill in precise detail. But he seems to be forgetting all the off-the-cuff shooting and killing he does while on Squad missions gone bad.

Anyway, everybody seems to have somebody else in their sights. Power Girl and Steel want to kill Waller. The Unknown Soldier and Boomerang want to kill Harley. Warrant wants to kill Deadshot. And Deadshot thinks about killing Harley but we all know who he's really going to kill, don't we?

I guess Warrant was too "badass" to kill even though his name was so stupid. He'll be back for an EPIC SHOWDOWN against Deadshot in an issue with a cover that screams, "WARRANT UNLEASHED!"

Everybody escapes the rubble (except Warrant. Ha ha!) and the team radios back to Waller to be picked up. Or maybe they'll use Boomerang's plane or whatever it is they used to get here. And back at Belle Reve as a Thinker-Controlled OMAC battles King Shark and Nutty Cuckoo Super King Shark, Amanda Waller begins a conversation with Kevin Kho on Thinker's personal computer. Kevin, OMAC's original host, is trapped within OMAC and is now probably Amanda's secret weapon.

Suicide Squad #27 Rating: +2 Ranking. Fine. I enjoyed this issue even though Warrant is a stupid name. Also, I actually like Warrant's back story. But I hate his name so I will never like him ever. It was also nice to not have to read any of James Gordon, Jr's dialogue. I think Captain Boomerang needs his own comic book now. I have nothing more to say. Do real writers end their works better? Maybe I'm not a real writer! Maybe I'm just a poet and this is how poet's end things. This is how poet's end things.