Friday, January 29, 2016

The Legend of Wonder Woman #1

I'm already confused by this.

Rating: 22 out of 52 or something. I would have enjoyed this issue without all of the narrative stuff at the beginning but I guess the whole Diana is Zeus's daughter and the Amazons are rapists stuff needed to be sent back down to the People Got Angry At These Ideas Department. That's really okay because they were part of Azzarello's Wonder Woman run and anything he needed for his story doesn't matter anymore because now Wonder Woman is being debased by the Finches and everything is totally different now.

Hippolyta is a pathetic wretch who somehow can't find any meaning in her life without having a child of her own. You're a fucking queen! Every Amazon is your child! You shouldn't need a lump of animated clay to make you feel your life is worth living. Stop being so selfish! Although I do like that when the moment comes and a soul enters into some wet sand to create Diana, the story leaves it vague as to where that soul came from. Is Diana the reason that darkness is now invading the island? Did Hippolyta accept a soul from some monstrous power?! Is Diana the daughter of Cthulhu?!

The story becomes far more entertaining once Diana becomes eight or ten or, if this were David Finch's art, twenty-eight.

Regular Artist Depiction of Wonder Woman at ten or David Finch Depiction of Wonder Woman at twenty-eight?

The story becomes a Dungeons and Dragons Adventure which really appeals to the twelve year old boy that I will forever be (except now with much better hygiene and the understanding of that joke about why the Go-Gos can't get pregnant).

I look forward to the issue when Diana is in Degrassi Amazon Junior High and has to shower for the first time with her classmates. I mean Degrassi Amazon High School! I mean Degrassi Amazon Community College!

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