Sunday, January 15, 2017

Supergirl #5

Remember that mirror anecdote I used in the last review? I'm fucking smart and shit.

I don't know how long I'll be able to enjoy reading comic books this morning because I just discovered my stupid fucking comic book store put two copies of Suicide Squad #9 in my pull box (with different covers) instead of giving me Justice League vs. Suicide Squad #4. Who wants to be when I go back there and start busting heads later today (if I can even find the energy to leave the house because now I'm super depressed with my life not having gone smoothly in this tiny instance) that they won't have any more copies of that comic book?! Fucking hell. My life is the worst. And I don't mean that in a hyperbolic way. Totally serious. The worst. Not even joking to make a point.

This scene is a good analogy for me and my comic book reading habits. I could avoid reading all of the bad comics but instead I just stand there and rant and rave while they crash down upon me, leaving me a shuddering and miserable pile of organic goop.

Not that I think this is a bad comic book. At least not yet. It's just a boring comic book in a lot of ways, most of those ways being Cyborg Superman. I know I've harped on this four separate times prior to this (in each of the previous issues, natch!) but I think it can't be ranted about enough. Nobody wants to read any more stories starring Cyborg Superman! Kara's dad was a fucking loser in life and he's an even more boring loser in half-life! Please kill him at the end of this story. And not inconclusively! Tear him to bits, melt him down, smash his brain and throw it into a black hole. I suppose in comic books, even that isn't conclusive. So maybe have an epilogue where God appears and says, "Well, I guess that's it for Cyborg Superman! Even I couldn't bring him back after that!"

You might want to worry about the owner of that car's insurance company coming after you though.

Cyborg Superman does not die in this issue. He's not even defeated. Instead, the battle continues next issue. That's bad news for me because I have to read another Cyborg Superman story. But it's good news for anybody who likes to read my long, rambling digressions of life and comic books because by next month, I'm sure I'll be caught up on my back issues. That means instead of just summarizing the story by saying things like "Cyborg Superman is boring" and "Supergirl has a terrific bum," I'll say things like "Do you suppose if you jerked off into a toilet and then shit in that same toilet, the sperm would try to fertilize your turds?"

The Ranking!
No change!

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