Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Raven #3

Raven is taking Mimemistry.

High school would be so much better if they could pipe low levels of nitrous oxide into the classrooms. Also if they had capital punishment for bullies. And free candy.

Here's another improvement I just thought of: shifting classrooms by reputation! If you're kind to each other and engage in class, you get grouped with others like that, taught by the best teachers. If you're rude and mean and don't show any curiosity, you're tossed in a pit to die.

Currently in San Francisco, a huge white ball of light is engulfing the Embarcadero. It's the White Carnival but the reporters reporting on the scene don't know that. They don't know anything. One of them even says BART trains are being rerouted. Ha ha! What a stupid statement! As if they're probably even in service. Also how do you reroute a train?

I wonder what this guy was going to say before they took away his speech bubble?

The reporter with the BART information has more information that makes no sense. Like how this disaster just happened but the National Guard is on scene. As if they already knew something like this was going to happen! The government is behind this!

This just in from 2017: Mary Tyler Moore just died. It's as if 2017 was all, "Hey, 2016? You thought you could make a statement? Well how about this metaphor!"

Raven is currently trying to save her friend Antt (remember! The spelling is super important!) from The White Carnival while hundreds of people gather around being a nuisance to emergency services. I think most of those people are reporters and their camerapeople.

Actually, he rapes them and then obliterates them.

While battling to save Antt, Raven winds up back in her room in her Aunt's house with no memory of the battle in the Embarcadero against the White Carnival. Mostly because The White Carnival wasn't ready to destroy her. Villains have a tendency to stick to really strict timetables. They should probably loosen up and learn to just kill the heroes when they have an opportunity.

It's really hard to concentrate on reading comic books when government officials are completely dismantling our country for the benefit of corporations and assholes. Maybe I should change the focus of this blog?

Over breakfast, Raven is reminded of the White Carnival by her Aunt's family. And she remembers it. was the point of having her forget for about half a page?

The thing (you know, the White Carnival? Raven's Soulself? Cave Carson's impotence?) attacks Raven while she's in her room trying to remember. This causes her to remember and shout, "You tried to remove me as a threat by eliminating my memory of you. It worked...for a while." Yeah, for the while it avoided attacking her! So it's either stupid or Raven jumped to the wrong conclusion. There is a third option (and probably more but I don't have all day to think them up): Marv Wolfman doesn't fucking care about the story.

The Soulself wears Raven's terrible feather helmet so maybe this is Marv Wolfman stealing the whole Spider-man's black outfit is actually a Symbiote! Raven's terrible costume was the lost souls of Azarath corrupting and influencing her. Except she's still wearing it in this issue. I thought she had left it behind in The New 52!

Raven sees inside the White Carnival and realizes it's consuming people's souls. When it gets enough, it will destro her. Yeah, it's probably her costume. I mean her Soulself. Which hopefully has merged with her costume so it can be burned by the end of this series.

Also, just in case people reading this are thinking, "But where is Superman?!", a news report mentions that the Justice League is, once again, off-world. How come they're never off-world in their own comic book but they're always off-world in every other comic book? I think Cyborg just screens all the calls.

Meanwhile, some nobody super-villains decide to take credit for the White Carnival and ask for five billion dollars to make it stop. That's reasonable.

What Did I Learn?
This issue had nothing to do with high school so I don't think it's the most dangerous dimension at all.

The Ranking!
-1! I don't fucking know (or care) what is going on in this story.

No comments:

Post a Comment