Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Blue Beetle #4

I suspect Doctor Fate simply thinks Blue Beetle is a dream or a hallucination.

If the current Rebirth Doctor Fate is still Khalid, I will burn this motherfucking house to the ground. That should teach DC to not fuck with me.

This issue tells the tale of Blue Beetle's secret origin. It probably amounts to "Jaime Reyes was walking to school one day while casually brushing his hand against Brenda's outer thigh while she pretended not to notice. His penis was semi-erect and her vulva was slightly engorged. Then a space beetle stuck itself in his back and he was all, 'Goddammit!' The end."

The story is close enough to my telling that I don't really need to expound on it. Although at one point, Brenda begins speaking Old Portugese [sic]. Last issue, letterer Josh Reed decided to swear in the Old Portugese. I wonder if he says anything crude this time!

Brenda first says, "Aslpe, esdcv bmlcwp mwoalsk." Then she says, "Hgrd, pwor ixnf ksjd hino fc neurjf."

Since that's all nonsense, I'm going to assume Josh Reed was reprimanded and told to just make the alien language gibberish.

So the scarab fused to Jaime's spine and now he's become Ted Kord's pet project. Probably because Ted knew the previous owner of the scarab, Daniel Garrett, who drowned while Doctor Fate watched. Doctor Fate's penis was semi-erect.

Also in this story, Jaime holds hands with a girl. He could be fucking a girl but he let Blur get away. So now he's got to start way back at the beginning with talking and holding hands. Pee-yuke!

The Ranking!
No change!

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