Saturday, January 28, 2017

Trinity #3

Just fucking get over it already.

Only a rich white boy could live such a privileged life that he can afford to mourn the death of his parents for over twenty years. Don't get me wrong! I know other people aside from me would be saddened by he loss of their parents and continue to miss them until the end of their own lives. But most people wouldn't dedicate every single waking hour of every single day to the grief they feel over the loss. I suppose if you have no other hardships in your life, you have to cling to the one time something bad happened to you so that you can pretend that your rich ass life of power and luxury is more of a curse than a blessing. Stop wallowing in your own self-pity, you dick.

On the other hand, Batman's dedication has caused him to beat the shit out of more petty criminals than all of the police working in the United States (which is a lot!). Although maybe that's not really the other hand. Beating up criminals is simply trying to wipe out the symptoms of a bigger problem. Most criminals aren't insane sociopaths with Alice in Wonderland fetishes. They're criminals because poverty and Republican ways of governing have driven them to a desperate last option. Just breaking their jaw and shunting them off to Blackgate isn't solving anything. You can cover up the buboes with some ridiculously expensive make-up but you still have the plague.

Anyway, Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman are all suffering from Black Mercy intoxication so they're hallucinating their pasts. But this time, they have their friends to help them! Superman learned something about his past in the first two issues but I can't remember what it was because it was mushy and emotional and nobody was punched to death. Now it's time for Batman's friends to help him through the most traumatic moment of his life: when he realized his butler would be raising him.

Batman can't find the place where his parents died and he became the Batman. I bet the Court of Owls could find it.

Meanwhile in the non-Black-Mercy world, Jon Smith has been kidnapped by Poison Ivy. Lois is now wondering where her son went although not as much as she's wondering where her husband and Wonder Woman went.

Oh shut up, Diana. Nobody needs your affirmation bullshit right now. Go put it on a blog where a chameleon says it so that everybody can squee over its derivative nonsense.

Through the trip to his past, Batman is allowed to tell himself that it isn't his fault that his parents died. Or that Jason Todd died. Or that Tim Drake died. Or that Barbara Gordon was paralyzed. I mean, of course the last three were his fault! But he gets to tell himself that they weren't his fault at all. Also maybe the Barbara Gordon thing wasn't totally his fault since it happened out of costume. Although The Joker was going after Commissioner Gordon because of The Batman so...well, I guess it's all pretty complicated. Why not let Batman pretend none of the deaths around him were his fault?

Back in reality, Lois Lane drives a truck through a barn wall to save her son from Poison Ivy. It's just luck that she doesn't run them over.

Next month, it's Wonder Woman's chance to forgive her mother! Or herself! Or something.

What Did I Learn?
I've learned that the Republican representatives in the United States government are cowards who care only for getting re-elected by their racist and selfish base of supporters. I can't help it if comic book lessons don't matter enough to mention them in the world we're currently living in! Oh, but I did learn something comic book related! Francis Manapul can't draw more than two monthly comic books in a row before needing fill-in artists!

The Ranking!
No change.

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