Monday, January 30, 2017

Suicide Squad Most Wanted: El Diablo and Amanda Waller #5

Did Amanda Waller lose weight?

El Diablo Review!
The last issue ended with El Diablo, Azucar, and Xolotl being attacked by the most suicidal squad in Suicide Squad history. I don't say that because this mission is particularly dangerous. I just mean none of the members are popular enough to ensure that they'll survive. Maybe Sumo will live because he's a Bat-villain and a Bat-villain can't die in a non-Batman comic book. Although he's a relatively new Bat-villain having been created in The New 52. Also, has he ever really battled the Bat? I think he's probably due for a good death, along with the rest of this shitty, unknown Suicide Squad.

To make sure readers know who these unknown Squad members who are about to die are, Xolotl is all, "Give me a rundown on our foes' Who's Who entries!" The Squad members are Bloodletter, the guy who was bullying El Diablo's neighborhood after El Diablo went to prison. Jizz, a criminal Thanagarian. Leviathan, some water dude. Behemoth, the guy I thought was Sumo because he's fat and Asian. And Zoomax who appeared in the first issue of this series.

Zoomax is killed first. I suppose I could be kind and count this as an actual death in the Suicide Squad but when have I ever been known to be kind? Technically, this isn't a Suicide Squad comic book. Death in the Squad only counts when they're the protagonists.

The Justice League of Mexico arrives to escalate the situation. Their members are Iman, El Muerto, Acrata, and El Dorado. Iman is Spanish for a humanoid robot copyrighted by Apple. El Muerto is Spanish for The Dead. Acrata is Spanish for The Human Target. And El Dorado is Spanish for The Dorito. And since you obviously know I was right about El Muerto, you should just trust me on the others.

Xolotl is killed by Jizz the Thanagarian even though the mission was to take him into their custody and not kill him. Stupid violent Thanagarians! Although his death causes everybody to stop fighting, so I guess it was the right move. The Justice League of Mexico decides to work with the Suicide Squad to destroy some threat that Xolotl warned them all about. But El Diablo decides he's had enough and tries to walk away. Too bad for him, he walks right into Deadshot and is killed. Too bad for me, death never takes with El Diablo and I'm going to have to read one more issue of his story.

The Ranking!
No change!

Amanda Waller Review!
Amanda Waller is holed up in Belle Reve dealing with some agent who knows some shit but can't talk because he's basically comatose. Since that's super boring, the story has a B-side featuring the Suicide Squad. Once again it's a Suicide Squad composed of members who DC will never let die: Harley Quinn, Katana, Captain Boomerang, Enchantress, and Deadshot. It's been years since DC knew how to write a proper Suicide Squad. Part of the problem is John Ostrander immortalized Deadshot and Captain Boomerang by writing them so well. When he began the Suicide Squad, they were D-list characters at best. He made them unkillable yet also linked them forever to the Suicide Squad. So that's two characters people expect to be on the team who won't die (oh sure. Captain Boomerang "died". But so did Deadshot. It's just they were brought back to life, weren't they? How the fuck does that count? Just because characters in comic books dying and coming back to life is a common thing, it doesn't mean it's a thing that you should use as a plot device to make it feel like Squad members are dying, especially since they return just a few issues later instead of years later). Then you throw in more characters whom the reader knows won't die, like Harley Quinn and Katana? Come on! Katana isn't even a villain!

Speaking of Katana, what the fuck is DC Comics doing to her? She now works willingly for Amanda Waller and kills enthusiastically even though she knows she's condemning every victim to an eternal prison in the Soulsword? I would think she'd want to limit the people she kills to the most evil, vile bastards who deserve eternal imprisonment. Killing henchmen and soldiers just seems wrong. But then DC seems to have decided that Katana's role is to stand in the background mysterious and silent. Except in this issue. She's doing a lot of talking this issue.

I hate how everybody knows about the Suicide Squad. It renders the whole project meaningless! As soon as people see them, they're all, "Oh yeah. The United States government is up to their usual bullshit again."

Anyway, bad shit goes down, the mission goes to shit, and Amanda Waller winds up drugged and hallucinating that she's lost the entire Squad. It's really the only way any members of the Suicide Squad die anymore. Either Amanda hallucinates it or the computers she has which show their heartbeats go on the fritz so the reader goes, "Oh my god! One of them is dead! I mean, it wasn't an on-panel death and nobody in the Squad ever really dies anymore but the computer shows one did! So I totally believe it!"

The Ranking!
-1! Get some balls and kill somebody already, DC, or else give Task Force X a new nickname that actually describes the team. Like Cozy Vacation Killing Club.

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