Monday, January 9, 2017

Batman #10

Batman's Suicide Squad has a better team composition than all of Amanda's squads since The New 52 began.

Batman has decided that he wants something that Bane has. Batman doesn't ask Bane politely. He just tells Bane that he's come for Psycho Pirate and if Bane says anything other than "Oh really? Great! Here you go! Enjoy!", Batman is going to take Psycho Pirate anyway. How is that acting like a superhero? I know Batman needs Psycho Pirate for a good reason. But it's his good reason versus Bane's good reason for keeping Psycho Pirate. Does Batman care about why Bane needs Psycho Pirate? Of course not. Batman lives in a world where whatever Batman wants, the world can go fuck itself while Batman gets it. And today, to Bane's up and coming regret, Batman wants Psycho Pirate.

While Batman is flying to Santa Prisca with his Suicide Squad, he's also reading a letter from Catwoman. I don't think he's actually reading it while he's flying the plane into Santa Prisca. It's just a narrative device where Tom King has decided that the reader needs a little background information on Catwoman and why she murdered 237 people. Spoiler: she actually didn't. I don't know for sure that she didn't but, come on! Even if she admits to it in the letter, she's admitting it for her own selfish reasons! I will stake my left testicle on it because my left testicle is the one I don't use. Also, if she turns out to be a murderer, I was only kidding about the testicle. I use it all the time and I'm not giving it up.

On the second and third page, Selina admits in the letter to the murders. "Why I killed them," she says. "Why I killed so many of them." But remember what I said! She's lying! She has to be lying or else Batman will never put his penis in her vagina and butthole and mouth ever again. And that is not a DC Universe that I want to read about.

I did Batman gather together a Suicide Squad if he's going to battle Bane's entire army all by himself?! He must be the distraction. Or he just needs to be on the inside when his plan goes into action.

As you can see from Selina's letter, she knows Batman's identity. So at least Rebirth got that much right! Plus having the reader believe Selina has murdered so many people helps them forget that she was written by Ann Nocenti. Then when they discover she didn't kill anybody, they'll be relieved and it will just seem like Batman and Catwoman are right back to their relationship they're expected to have.

Batman is captured and brought before Bane where he fractures the Bat's back. He would have broken it but he's not on Venom anymore. Also, he may have just realigned it. It's hard to tell from the visual. But I don't think realigning makes that loud of a KKKRAAAKKK. Bane then drags him to a hole in the floor and tosses him in. This is probably where the plan begins!

Selina's letter explains that the orphanage in which she grew up was bombed by a Khandaqi terrorist organization called the Dogs of War. She explains that they had 237 members and that now they had none. So apparently she killed all of those terrorists because they were child murderers. Okay fine. Who cares if she killed all of those people then? Not me! And I bet not Batman either! He might not kill but he has a way of turning his back on the right people being killed by the other right people!

Down in the cell, Batman realigns his back because it wasn't fractured, just severely dislocated. He escapes the pit and heads off to let Catwoman and the Ventriloquist into Bane's Prison Fortress. The entire while, he's reading that letter. Or remembering it. Or it's just that damned narrative trick to get the reader inside of Catwoman's head and to understand that Batman and Catwoman have shared romance and probably more. But it also expresses Selina's reasons for why it never works, not for long. But she hopes she's wrong.

I don't know if she can be wrong if she murdered 237 people! Even if they're terrorists! I mean, Batman would still probably have a relationship with her if she promised to never slit another throat. And I'm sure she could promise that. But can Batman promise to never make her feel badly for having murdered 237 people before he met her? A lot of guys couldn't handle that! I mean, 237?! Christ! I've barely murdered four!

The Ranking!
+1! I like that Catwoman's past is told through an epistle. It ties this story to her Valentine stories which, although not quite as Catwomany as I would have liked, were still the best Catwoman stories of The New 52. I'm also glad for the hints at a past romance between Batman and Catwoman, intimate enough that Catwoman already knows that Batman is Bruce Wayne. That's something that was missing from their relationship in The New 52. Batman not telling Selina his identity while he knows hers makes for a imbalance of power and trust that destroys any belief that they're truly intimate with each other. Fuck the 237 murders as long as I can have these two back to playing at whatever they're always playing at!

Also, I'm sure she's lying about murdering those people! It's not like any of those murders have appeared on panel yet, right?! She probably knows who did the murdering but Batman thought it was her and she loves him too much to tell him he's not quite the World's Greatest Detective.

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