Saturday, January 14, 2017

Supergirl #3

Lucky Cyborg Aliens get to see Supergirl's bum.

I posted a quote from my review of The Lost Boys #3 on Facebook yesterday and these were the immediate responses.

My profile picture is Oliver Queen making out with a bear.

This, in a nutshell, is why people can't stand satire. The target of satire is such a small bulls-eye that most people will miss the point entirely. In the above example, people with the attitude it was meant to mock praise it. Others who read it and thought it was serious but thought it was a disgusting and sexist statement probably just rolled their eyes and moved on, possibly unfollowing me because they now think I'm a disgusting bastard. But does that mean satire should be done away with simply because the target audience is so narrow? Fuck no! Because without humor like this, I would find little joy in the world. Statements like the one in the screenshot above are also why people tend to think I'm unsubtle and shallow and sexist and stupid. Because they don't realize that writing takes a lot more effort than reading. Reading is fucking easy because you're backed up by all of your prejudices, biases, issues, and life experiences. You don't have to think, "What does this bit I'm reading intend to communicate?" You just read it and think, "Sexist." Or, like the guys on my Facebook timeline, "YEAH BOY!"

I want to write to an intelligent audience, no matter how stupid and terrible I may come off to those incapable of comprehending my true wit!

Plus I'm facetious as fuck, so I can't blame anybody for misunderstanding the majority of the things I write. Sometimes I'm making a statement and sometimes I'm just making myself laugh. Somebody's got to be funny enough to do it!

This issue begins with Supergirl headed into space to investigate Cyborg Superman's claim that he saved Argo City and Kara's mother. Kara's Other Mother, Eliza Danvers, decides to go with her.

I just noticed that Supergirl doesn't use contractions in English in much the same way Starfire didn't in the Teen Titans cartoon. Is that shorthand for a character speaking a non-native language? It must be since she does use contractions in the flashbacks where she's speaking in Kryptonian.

The DEO has ships capable of attaining speeds that will allow Eliza to finish this space journey in her lifetime.

Argo City is floating just outside the orbit of Saturn. So I suppose even with current space vehicle speeds, Eliza could make this journey in her lifetime. It's just that she'd probably not want to spend more than half a decade heading to Saturn and back just to get a glimpse of Argo City.

On Argo City, Kara discovers that all of the dead Argonians have been resurrected as Cyborg Argonians, including her mother. I would be so angry if I had thought my entire family was dead and then somebody came along and brought them all back to life. I was free of them, you monster! FREE! You might as well chain me up and throw me in a cell as create a social situation where I'm constantly bombarded with a sense of obligation to others!

Other stuff happens in National City while Supergirl is away but since it features characters that are assdicks like Cameron Chase, Cat Grant, and Ben Rubel, it doesn't interest me. The part of the story with Supergirl shouldn't interest me either because it's more fucking Cyborg Superman but it also involves the possibility of getting a glimpse of Supergirl's Bum, so I'm giving it my full attention.

Supergirl realizes her mother and the other cyborg denizens of Argo City aren't really anything but automaton look-a-likes. Cyborg Superman assures her he has a way to bring them all to life but he doesn't go into detail. Probably because it's the same detail as the last time Supergirl experienced this story: he needs Supergirl's skin. And probably her memories and life juice and stuff.

Why did Orlando feel he needed to retell this story? I know this isn't a retelling but actually a different telling of Supergirl once again coming to Argo City at the insistence of her cyborg dad. It's like reading Genesis. How many times do I have to reread stories about a husband convincing some authoritarian that his wife is actually his sister which only winds up in some ludicrous Three's Company situation where the authority figure decides to marry the guy's wife only to be cursed by God? Then the king or Pharaoh not only repents but gives the guy a large sum of money to keep quiet about the little mistake. Now I've practically read Supergirl going to Argo City to be manipulated by her fake dad almost as many times as the "My Wife is My Sister Con" from The Bible!

The way to bring the Cyborg Argonians completely to life is to steal the life from another living creature. Cyborg Superman has decided the people of Earth will do nicely.

The Ranking!
No change! I feel like I'm not going to get an accurate reading on how much I like this comic book until Cyborg Superman is no longer in it. I suppose writers bring back the same damn villain over and over again because each one was created for a specific thematic reason. Since this is a reboot to Supergirl's life, Orlando needs to establish how she fits on Earth as quickly as possible. The easiest way to do that is to have her deny her Kryptonian heritage, even if what she's denying is a twisted, monstrous version of it. She needs to shove the past away and look to a future with the DEO, the Danvers, Cat Grant, and Ben Rubel's penis. Like the speaking without contractions, Cyborg Superman is shorthand for Kara moving on and accepting Earth as her home.

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