World's End #8

I don't recognize any of Constantine's new friends.

I haven't even begun reading this issue and I'm already bored! We already know how this ends! Earth-2 and Earth-0 are eventually going to merge and lots of people will die but none of them matter because they're just Twofers. And who cares about Twofers? Pretty much nobody because they have nothing to do with current continuity and current continuity is king! Let's kill some of these motherfuckers and have a grand old time!

It's okay to hope for comic book characters to die, right? Because they're not real. And most of us can tell fictional characters apart from real people, right?

"Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. He saved hundreds of thousands of lives. Are you going to convict Jack Bauer? Say that criminal law is against him? 'You have the right to a jury trial?' Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don't think so." -- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

Um. Uh. Whut? Jesus Christ. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! When did the television show "24" become evidence in Supreme Court cases?! Are you fucking kidding me, Scalia? You're an idiot. You may be the biggest idiot. How are you in a position to interpret the law according to the constitution when you're using fictional fucking characters and made up scenarios to back up your arguments?! If Jack Bauer can be used as evidence that torture is worthwhile, then I'm going to believe Scalia's use of Jack Bauer to back up his arguments in the highest court of the land is evidence that nobody in America takes their job seriously. Why don't we all just say fuck it and go home forever? What are we all even doing here when the laws of the land are in the hands of this idiot?

Now I'm really fucking pissed. Bend over, Wilson, because I need to take my anger out on somebody and if I said "Bend over, Marguerite," it might look bad.

With Apokolips now Earth's new moon, The World Army decides it's time to evacuate Earth instead of fight. And since humans can't easily evacuate Earth, they begin hiding inside of it. I've seen enough horror movies to know that hiding in the closet is the same as just slitting your own throat. At least put up a fight! Don't ever roll over and accept death, you dummies!

Maybe they're just buying time until The Misters have a chance to destroy Apokolps.

Every fucking page is a new plot! I'm getting dizzy! Can't you assholes stick to one story for even two pages?! I can't even get a rhythm going so that I can scan a picture! Each bit of story is over before it even barely begun and nothing really interesting is happening. I mean, besides Barbara Grayson being crushed by a meteor. But that's not even important to this book since the editor's note says to read Earth 2 #29 to find out what happens to her. So I have to buy another comic book to find out she was smashed into jelly?

Wait! Here's something worth scanning! Constantine's friends from the cover.

Get it? His name is Carnival but spelled with 'evil' and 'karn.' Wait. I don't get it.

Karnevil was just added so whoever wrote this bit could shoot a racist in the face. So with Karnevil dead and the others realizing that Constantine will resort to a gun every now and then, Constantine heads over to Constantine #19 to travel alone for awhile looking for his way back home. Which has nothing to do with this story. I guess that journey will result in Constantine finding himself here. But even if it does, why steer readers of World's End #8 to Constantine #19? Oh yeah. Profits. Sorry, DC! I won't question your idiotic editor notes anymore.

By the way, I guess Famine died when Doctor Fate's Helmet fucked Jimmy Olsen's Mother Box. I didn't realize that had happened because the World Army Doctor with the iPad for a face didn't explain it very well. Famine's friends are still well and good though.

Solomon Grumpy! He's dead! For reals this time!

The Misters land their spaceship on Apokolips. That's all that happens. Two pages to show they've landed on Apokolips and have a brief discussion about how Apokolips is unstoppable. Then they exit the ship to go plant some piddly little nuclear bombs to blow it up.

Under Geneva, Replacement Batman and his team find Superman's shirt and lose Helena's heartbeat. Then everybody gets sad and decides to take it out on Desaad when they find him. But first they'll have to get through Evil Huntress!

And then The Streak Starring Jay Garrick finds his mother in a refugee camp and has one of the most horrible reunions in comic book history.

Just fucking kiss already.

World's End #8 Rating: There is way too much going on in this comic book. I can't find the time to care about any of these story lines when they flash past me one page at a time. I can't even be bothered to stoke the fires of my passions to hate this comic book. It's just a weekly drain on my wallet that I'm not even enjoying reading. At least that's good news for Dan Jurgens! It's possible I hate reading this comic more than I hate reading Aquaman and the Others!