World's End #9

I wish Mister Miracle would get some fucking characterization. Stop resting on your Preboot laurels! Who are you in The New 52? What motivates you? Are you fucking both Fury and Barda, you dog?!

Normally I'd use this first paragraph to speculate on the mating habits of the Chupacabra, but I just need to get through another World's End comic book as fast as I can. Besides, everybody already knows about Chupacabra's bedroom style.

Instead of reading this comic, I decided to draw another Pickle Boy Comic. Those are comics written by my assistant Pickle Boy which I draw. They were intended to give him a creative outlet while he crunches numbers at work, and for me to practice drawing.

As you can see, neither of us is very good at his half of the job.

The great thing about this Pickle Boy Comic is that everybody can relate to it.

Meanwhile in World's End where I'm not too sure the writers and artists are terribly better than me and Pickle Boy, the Avatar of the Blue has just been released into the world by Aquawoman.

It's a Great Old One, by the way. So forget about Apokolips. Least of everybody's worries now. Okay, technically figuring out what to wear is probably the least of everybody's worries.

World's End is becoming a game of Magic the Gathering. You have all the colors and then Apokolips is the artifacts. The non-Avatar superheroes are probably just colorless Legendary creatures. And it's at that point of the game where everybody dicked around too long and allowed blue to summon it's monstrously huge creature.

John Constantine and his crew have made it to Chicago and are sitting back watching the whole place break out into a huge riot. Since Barbara is back out from underneath the piece of the moon, I guess Earth 2 #29 happened before this.

I hope she gained invulnerability from the moon radiation!

Beneath Geneva, Replacement Batman and his group stumble upon Kal-el. Lois and Power Girl celebrate while Val-el slinks off into the shadows because that's where suddenly useless and entirely obsolete things should be. But there's a glimmer of hope after Replacement Batman punches Kal-el in the nose and it begins bleeding. Lois says, "Kal, you're really...oh, god, Kal, you're bleeding?!" And then Val-el rushes back to the group and says, "Oh! That's too bad! I'm so sorry about that! You poor thing! Can I get you a hanky? Man, this sucks! So terrible that you've lost your powers. Shoot! Who's going to be the world's savior now? Hunh? Anybody? Can anybody think of anyone that might be strong enough to save the world?"

Remember last issue how Hawkcop turned on The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick and his mother? It was a huge cliffhanger and everybody who read it said, "GASP!" Well, that's resolved when Doctor Cocoa Puffs and his best friend Jiminy Olsen arrive to cast a spell of Don't Be Mad, Bro. I wish the pages taken up by the fake tension would be used for characters interacting so maybe I can find a reason to like some of them. The only character that does anything worthwhile (although trite and cliche) in this scene is The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick's mother/girlfriend when she tries to break Hawkcop's brainwashing by talking about love. Stupid Streak-mom! Hawks and cops don't know what love and kindness are!

Up on Apokolips, the Mister Squad's plan begins to fall apart as the New Gods forget to plant their nuke because they have a score to settle with some guy named Paternus. He has a key that will allow Mister Miracle to open the Heart of Apokolips where he can slip inside for a quick DNA test to find out if Darkseid is his father. And since it was mentioned in Futures End that Barda betrayed Mister Miracle and Fury, Barda has to say something ominous.

World's End #9 Rating: -1 Ranking. There's too much going on in this comic book and none of it feels like it really matters. It's just a bunch of escalating conflicts that will eventually end in the destruction of Earth-2. Plus the cover once again got ahead of itself. Somebody needs to recalibrate the timing of the covers on these weekly comic books!