World's End #10

Oh look. It's Darkseid.

Deep beneath Geneva in the Apokoliptian firepit, Superman has been found alive. Hooray. Desaad brought him back to life to create super furies with his powers. He also brought Wonder Woman to life somewhere else. But probably not Batman because Batman has no powers and is useless. You can siphon super powers for enhanced cloning techniques but nobody has yet found a way to synthesize being DC Comic's favorite character. DC Comics wishes they had figured out a way so they could sell more issues of each title without having to put Batman in it. But they have not. They came close with Lobo in the nineties but they ruined it by allowing every writer to include Lobo in their book so that their title character could show how clever they were when they defeated the most bad-ass monster in the universe. Which then turned Lobo into a character that always got his ass handed to him. Being defeated in every appearance is kind of difficult for the biggest bad-ass ever to pull off without losing a bit of what made him entertaining. Now DC has found some magic in Harley Quinn but they've been trying their hardest to ruin that as well. First they forgot that what made her so entertaining was the skillful juggling of the adorable with the violent. And she was a genuinely likable person when she wasn't acting completely psychotic and doing anything for Mister J's love. She was sympathetic while also being adorable while also being ruthlessly destructive. DC looked at Harley for The New 52 and thought, "What is the essence of this character? What would make even more people like her?" And they came up with the answer: "Eye candy!" I think that's always their answer: "More tits and ass! Lose the adorable, innocent quality of her character and make sure she fucks Deadshot as quickly as possible while referring to her vagina as a clown car!" Luckily for DC, the Harley fans rode out her worst New 52 years until she could man her own vehicle which is currently careening out of control as she gets a fucking Special every fucking month. Where's the countdown for fans feeling over-Harleyed?

Sorry for the somewhat interesting digression. Let me get back to being as boring as possible so that I match the tone of this comic book.

Speaking of DC hating successful characters, I guess the friendship between Helena and Karen was too entertaining and powerful.

"We saw nothing but the death of hope. And the loss of our friend."

Does Desaad not have the technology to create wings not full of holes?

Power Girl tells everybody else to run while she "gets her sister back." That shouldn't be too hard. Just rip two of the four arms off and punch her back into her old personality. But make sure to tear off the non-wing arms, Power Girl. You don't want to have to go back to carrying her around all of the time.

Meanwhile in Chicago, Barbara Gordon was shot and killed. Darn. But Constantine and his gang know magic so maybe they can resurrect her. Sure, her body will simply be animated by a demon from hell as Barbara's actual ego burns in hell, but at least Dick will have the opportunity to be happy by lying to himself that he's sleeping with his actual wife.

Except what actually happens is Constantine stands up for Dick's family because he doesn't like little kids being threatened. Then his gang beat up all the thugs and get on the train to escape the tidal wave, conveniently forgetting about the small boy they saved.

So there was no room for Dick and Barbara's corpse on the train even after Constantine's crew defeated all of the thugs? Seems reasonable.

This comic book has no idea what would make it interesting. Dick and Babs in a relationship? Naw! Fuck that. Karen and Helena's goofy friendship? End it! Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman killed to be replaced by a new wave of inexperienced heroes? Stupid! Apokolips is attacking Earth? Replace Darkseid with a bitching, whining, moaning court of monsters!

And why the fuck is Constantine even in it? He's trying to get home and that leads him to this group that he's now ditching to find out why his magic is wonky? I suppose that's just to give him a reason to head back to his own title without people wondering why the story doesn't line up at all with this story. Just let Constantine get back to Earth-Main-Earth already. Is he really adding anything to this book? Maybe when this is all over, Constantine will be transported back to Earth-Vertigo and Hellblazer will start back up.

Just another DC Character with Daddy Issues.

Can DC publish a supplemental text explaining how Apokolips works? Darkseid sits in the heart of it meditating and expending all of its energy so it needs to fly around consuming other planets? Who is Paternus and all of the other court cocksuckers running around screaming about the end of the world. An apocalypse on Apokolips. Is that irony or just word play?

Maybe the Mobius Chamber is just Darkseid's shitter?

Meanwhile, Sam, Alan, and Solomon Grumpy are getting their assess kicked by The Four Horsewomen of Apokolips (minus one). But then Cthulhu arrives to save the day! Everybody celebrates! And goes insane! Yay!

Actually, Cthulhu doesn't save the day. It just arrives and says "Blah blah blah R'lyeh!" Then the action goes back to Apokolips where Mister Miracle, with some prodding from Barda, is tricked into rescuing Darkseid from the Mobius Chamber. Why he was trapped inside his own planet, I don't know. Maybe next issue will be fifteen pages of explication from Darkseid. The other pages will be one of Dick cradling Barbara and crying as a speech bubble says, "Do not give up hope," from off-panel, then one of Cthulhu driving back the Furies and Solomon Grumpy standing nearby with hearts in his penis, then one of Commander Khan yelling, "What do we do next? What's happening?!", then one of The Streak starring Jay Gimmick almost boning his mother, and finally one more of Helena hugging Karen to death.

World's End #10 Rating: -1 Ranking. I think I might hate this book more than any other book from The New 52 ever. Even Scott Lobdell's Teen Titans. Even Ann Nocenti's everything she touches! Even...am I actually saying this...even Grifter! The problem with this book is that it's not entertaining in its awfulness. I feel like I'm Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange and I'm strapped to a chair with my eyes pinned open being forced to look at a bunch of disparate images that have nothing but the barest of connections with each other. Am I being reprogrammed by this book?! Maybe DC worked with a bunch of psychologists and sorcerers to create this book just for me! It's reprogramming me so that I'll either stop commenting on their New 52 line entirely, or I'll just start saying nice things about every single book they put out, no matter how awful the writer is.

Why is Channel 52 wasting time highlighting the cast from Klarion's book when it has already been cancelled? I'm sure this was planned to boost sales of Klarion before they realized Klarion was not worth salvaging. And now it's just another embarrassing installment of Channel 52!