Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Infinity Man and the Forever People #5

This comic book has been cancelled. Perhaps it's time for DiDio to realize that nobody likes his writing. Or is interested in reboots of Jack Kirby's creations? Except The Demon! And DiDio had better keep his hands off of The Demon! Also Nocenti's hands! Keep her hands off of Etrigan too!

I've already done two commentaries, so don't expect me to actually try to be funny or perceptive while writing this one! You can probably still expect me to be rude and belligerent though. Those don't take much effort.

Last issue ended with Guy Gardner realizing some of those asshole New Gods were vacationing on his planet. Since he's recently learned that those guys are total dicks, he's decided to kick them off of Earth for good. And maybe cancel their comic while he's at it, even if it takes his with it! Which it will! Because Red Lanterns has been canceled too! Probably because DC knows they don't have a deep enough roster of good writers to take over for Charles Soule. I mean, they could stick Nocenti on it. I'd actually be intrigued by her version! I'm sure she could figure out how to arc weld some random philosophy that has nothing to do with the Red Lanterns' reason for existence onto the hood of their organization.

I don't know if the last sentence of that last paragraph was a mixed metaphor or just random nonsense.

The issue begins with a meeting of New Genesis's version of Scientology. Or any other religion you can think of in the place of Scientology. They're all the same. This one believes that Darkseid and Highfather are huge dicks that probably shouldn't have killed their father and all of the Old Gods in the first place. Things have just gone downhill from there. But some priest guy has declared that he's the reincarnation of Yuga Khan, Darkseid and Highfather's Higherfather. It's all the standard religious rhetoric that causes needy and desperate fools to join up and ignore their one chance at true happiness in life. Although I suppose everything about life and reality is illusion anyway, so who cares what anybody wants to believe? As long as they don't expect me to believe in it as well, good for them. Also, they should stop believing that my belief that their beliefs are stupid bullshit is something I can't be allowed to believe. Go fuck yourselves.

"They think they've come to Earth to teach us wisdom. But they'll be surprised at how much they have to learn! -- Movie Poster Ad Copy for the upcoming New Gods Teen Romp Flick.

Guy Gardner and the New Gods battle on the beach for a few pages. I suppose it's more entertaining than if they'd exchanged a bunch of dick pics. Maybe. Eventually Mark Moonrider steps up to knock out Guy Gardner in one punch. Or Moonblast. Whatever his stupid super power is.

But before the New Gods can throw Guy Gardner in a Miracle Prison, Guy's reinforcements arrive!

I didn't know an Xbox One could become a Green Lantern!

Infinity Man and the Forever People Rating: This comic book makes no sense. I guess it's the result of DC needing to fill 52 slots every month (at least as often as they can. Counting the weekly titles as four books per month (and sometimes five, the bastards!), I think the current count of titles is 55 or something. Math is hard). If they're going to publish comic books that nobody is interested in reading, they should just begin titles with names like "Dan Smith, Resident of the Multiverse" or "Pam Washington, Data Entry Specialist." You could remind everybody that these mundane characters are part of DC Continuity by occasionally having Superman seen flying by through a window, or a news report on television mentioning Batman. It could be just as entertaining as this hogwash! To be fair, that's how I feel about this comic book in general. I actually kind of enjoyed Guy's appearance here. I'm a sucker for Infinity Man and the Forever People's gratuitous guest appearances! Next month I'll probably enjoy it because of B'dg and the Xbox One Lantern!

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