Harley Quinn #12

I'm conflicted! Lego characters are the least sexy characters of any characters ever. And yet, their hands are pre-shaped for giving handies!

Everybody knew a Harley Quinn book would sell like crazy no matter who was writing or drawing it. I'm surprised DC didn't give this series to Ann Nocenti. I would have loved that! Or maybe I would have hated it? It's hard to say. I think I'm just going through Ann Nocenti withdrawals since my comic book store forgot to put Klarion #2 in my pull box last month and I just realized I was missing it. Maybe they were just trying to keep me sane?

Last issue (not the smelly issue! The regular issue!), Harley Quinn and Power Girl had teamed up to defeat The Clock King and Sportsmaster. That doesn't sound like much of a challenge for Power Girl. One guy has a fascination with time pieces and the other commits crime wearing various pieces of sports equipment. They sound like the kind of criminals Adam West's Batman would have battled.

Should Clock King be so casual about referencing oral sex in a Teen Rated comic book? And why is Harley Quinn agreeing with him?!

Clock King has a teleportation device that sends Harley and Karen to another planet ruled by a massive Pug and his four-breasted humanoid queen. I didn't know teleportation came standard on wristwatches! Maybe I should look into wearing one again.

A human chained to a rock identifies Power Girl as a superhero of Earth. But before he can point out that Harley Quinn is a super villain, Harley Quinn blows him to bits with a gun she grabbed off one of the alien guards. Good thing she killed the guy before he could point out she is a killer!

Power Girl doesn't seem too fazed. I wonder how many more people Harley can kill before Power Girl gets upset?

The massive pug really is the four-breasted humanoid's husband. After he sits on Harley's face, King Pug decides to parlay with Power Girl and Harley Quinn instead of enslaving them. Partly because Harley killed his wife's lover but mostly because Power Girl is too powerful to be enslaved. Parlaying with the huge talking Pug reveals a way back home.

Earlier, the dog ate his wife. Power Girl, once again, doesn't seem fazed to be working with a murderer who engages in domestic violence.

Oh wait. Maybe I should have read the next page.

Although I can maintain the integrity of my narrative by believing that Harley is speaking the wife-eating bubbles.

Manos's realm is guarded by a huge sentient slice of pizza. Is that a parody of some Marvel character I don't know? The Cosmic Pepperoni? The Watcher's Dinner? Galactuslice? Maybe the pizza is Manos since it's underside does look like Thanos's chin.

The pizza isn't Manos because it's killed. Now somebody is going to have to explain to me why Manos was being guarded by a monstrous slice of space pizza.

Power Girl's plan was to talk Manos into letting them borrow the Teleportation Ring so they could get back home. But Manos destroys an entire planet while they watch which is just over Power Girl's line of acceptable behavior. Now she's going to have to kick his ass.

Or Harley will accidentally kill him.

Power Girl and Harley Quinn return to Earth roughly one second after they left. But then they get teleported back to another world and then return roughly one second after they left for that one. But since the comic book is only twenty pages, that adventure will have to be left to everybody's imagination. It was probably full of hot, steamy showers, lots and lots of orgies, cupcakes and doughnuts, and explicitly drawn oral sex between all manner of genders.

Anyway, be with us next time for "Clock King Gets His Clock Cleaned," or "Sportsmaster Courts Disaster."

Harley Quinn #12 Rating: Even though we're a full week into December, No Ratings November is still in effect. I've got about one more week left of November issues before my revamped rankings are ready to go. At that point, the rankings off to the side will shuffle around quite a bit to reflect some of the creative team changes in recent months. Harley will probably stay in relatively the same place. Unless she pisses me off with all of these extra issues she keeps starring in that cost way too much fucking money!