Sunday, December 28, 2014

Wonder Woman #37

I think this marks four months in a row that I received the Wonder Woman Variant Cover.

Last issue, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't hate Meredith Finch's writing style. I was not surprised at all by David Finch's art style because it was exactly the same. Immaculately rendered women who actually look like teenaged girls with clear skin and beautiful eyes and full lips and sexy bodies standing next to horribly disfigured men with fishy lips, covered in shadows and dirt and grime and maybe not even completely sketched all the way because David grew bored drawing them due to their lack of boobs.

How many shower scenes do you think will take place in this issue? Probably zero since we had a good one last issue. But I'm sure Meredith will have thrown in at least one scene where Wonder Woman is wearing less than usual, just to keep her husband interested in drawing the book.

The most important thing that happened last issue was that the Amazons held an emergency meeting to declare that men are stinky.

Currently, huge robot hawks are attacking Paradise Island. It's such a momentous event that it obviously needs a two page splash to cover it. When artists write their own scripts, I tend to expect at least two to three double splash pages per issue. And that's even more expected with artists like David Finch and Tony S. Daniel. I forget to take into account that this comic's creators are a husband and wife team, so David Finch is always nearby lobbying for more double splash pages to be written into the script. Especially if they contain lots of barely clad women.

Meanwhile, Fox News of Paradise Island Lady decides that a baby needs to be sacrificed in order to rid Paradise Island of men.

Don't ask me where they got the baby! Maybe the Brothers and Sisters have already begun fucking!

I could be wrong but I think people willing to sacrifice babies are usually the bad guys. Is this woman with the speech impediment and the tail the New 52 Circe? Or have we seen her already in Forever Evil? I don't remember!

While sparring in as-close-as-you-can-get-to-a-double-splash-page, Clark tries to get Diana to talk about her feelings. Maybe you should save that shit for later when you're not trying to defend yourself against a better opponent. I guess having a discussion sitting somewhere drinking coffee would have been too boring for Dave. Also, this affords Diana the chance to smack Clark in the face with a stick as soon as he pushes too hard while trying to get her to open up!

After the sparring, somebody mentions a shower! But then Diana decides it's yelling time because shut the fuck up already, Clark!

My favorite part of her "breaking point" list is how she almost lost Clark. Yeah, that's a good one to throw back at him. "You almost died! You know how much that would have hurt me?!"

Back on Baby Slaughtering Hill, it turns out the baby wasn't the person sacrificed. It was the woman holding the baby which she must have ordered online.

The Amazons decide to offer Wonder Woman a choice. She can remain on the island and lead, or she can go gallivanting all over the world playing superhero. I don't see why she doesn't just leave the throne for somebody else who lives life daily on Paradise Island. But she doesn't have time to make a decision and nobody mentions anything about a baby or a hissy lady with a tail because the robot birds attack! Time for another double splash page!

The Amazons have been killing Diana's pets!

Cyborg's call is about another village that vanished. Aquaman is probably standing hip deep in water where the village used to be and thinking, "What could have caused this? Where did the village go?!" Diana decides to go help the Justice League while the Amazons once again fend for themselves.

And finally, the spell by the hissy lady with the fresh new baby that's the talk of the underworld finally resolves.

There's David Finch's signature mostly naked lady page!

Well so far, Donna Troy's origin isn't completely convoluted! She was born in a cauldron out of magic and clay!

Wonder Woman #37 Rating: No change. I didn't enjoy this issue as much as I liked last issue. I guess Wonder Woman is going to get spread so thin that she'll eventually due something stupid like murder an innocent or something. Then everybody will turn against her and she'll lose it all and she'll, oh, I don't know, do whatever Oliver Queen and Bruce Wayne did after they lost everything. And Superman will look at her longingly with that look that says "I tried to help but you wouldn't let me in" and then, when she really needs him, he'll turn his back and walk away from her because he's really just a super dick.

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