Red Hood and the Outlaws #36

Yay! I hope all of these fuckers overdose!

Jason Todd injected himself with a used needle containing an unknown drug last issue because he's a motherfucking idiot. Starfire has been fucked up on Space Heroin ever since she decided her friends were controlling assholes. And Roy Harper was burnt to a crisp by Starfire's backblast. The spraying fire everywhere when she flies must be a side effect of the Space Heroin. Unless it's a misinterpretation of her never ending flight hair for flames due to Scott Lobdell's poor reading and writing skills. I suppose, if I wanted to be charitable and not be a complete douchebag, I could interpret the accident in a way that makes sense. Like a side-effect of the Space Heroin. Or maybe Starfire wanting extra lift because she was angry at Roy trying to control her so she blasted the ground (and Roy!) with starbolts as she flew up into the air. But I don't like to be charitable with my interpretations of Scott Lobdell's stories. He has earned nothing from me but hatred and venom. I'm already annoyed that the first page of this comic book is probably going to be wasted with some form of "My name is Jason Todd" bullshit plastered on a boring, full page image that could easily have been done in one panel if Scott Lobdell could be bothered to actually fill twenty pages of comic book with actual story and dialogue.

This page makes me so angry!

Compare this to Batgirl which averaged over nine panels per page last issue. Batgirl is charming and a joy to read and you can tell the writers, Stewart and Fletcher, want to pack as much into each issue as they can. They're overflowing with things to say about the characters and the setting. The artist, Babs Tarr, fills every panel with gorgeous things to look at, colored wonderfully by Maris Wicks. Their enthusiasm for the story gushes messily from the pages and across the eager, expectant face of the reader. And this? This is some asshole kid writing his assignment the night before it's due. This is Scott Lobdell casually slapping the reader across the face with his flaccid penis. While Batgirl has nine panels full of dialogue per page, this first page of Lobdell's book has one panel and a mere six Narration Boxes. Thirty words and one picture for the first page. And Lobdell isn't the only one that isn't trying. Silva and Faucher have drawn an action figure without feet and with maybe five points of articulation.

Anyway, Jason Todd is fucked up on that drug I mentioned earlier. I guess he likes the way it feels as it turns him into a cat. This should be just the initial rush though because even though he was on the drug in Supergirl, he was acting quite normal and even sweet in that appearance.

By the end of the fourth page (six panels total), Jason Todd kills the venom-fueled terrorists easily because he's a better, angrier fighter. The Venom wears off and Jason Todd leaves to find Roy and Kori. The entire time, he's helpfully Narration Boxing so that I don't accidentally interpret the action or his motivations incorrectly. Wouldn't want me not knowing that Roy Harper is practically a "genius in Rockabilly trim." Really? That's his look? Rockabilly? Has anybody ever told that to the artists on this book? Because I've never seen him in cuffed jeans, huge sideburns and a pompadour.

Oh wait! Yeah, yeah. I see the Rockabilly look now.

Jason can't find Starfire and Roy because, as seen above, Starfire has brought Roy to the worst hospital with the most bureaucratic nurses in the country.

"Yeah, hon, you're gonna wanna hurry it up with these forms before yer boyfriend here dies."

Starfire sets fire to the bushes around the hospital so that the nurses will shut the fuck up about procedure and get this horribly burned and probably dying man into the hospital for some emergency care. I guess somebody else will take care of the flames before everybody in the hospital winds up like Roy?

The scene shifts back to the present with Oliver Queen in Roy's hospital room with Jason Todd. And because Jason Todd is a teenaged rebel full of angst and hormones, he tries to pick a fight with Oliver in every panel. Also, Oliver doesn't act much like an adult either because speaking rationally and calmly doesn't lead to conflict and without conflict how do you build character?!

I guess the first order of business in the emergency room was a hair transplant.

I'm not a huge fan of Green Arrow but I hope Oliver kicks Jason Todd's ass. The fucking punk needs to be humbled! But I don't see that happening in a book written by Scott Lobdell. If Jason Todd is to appear weak, it won't be by being beat down by an old man like Green Arrow! It'll be by getting addicted to drugs like a cool, young rock star!

They don't fight because Essence appears and magically heals Arsenal because I guess that's one of the things she does. But he still has to remain in bed for the rest of this story! Or at least this issue. Probably. He might show how stubborn and strong he is by dragging his ass out of bed to demand they go find and help Starfire.

Meanwhile in Poland, Starfire shoots up more Space Heroin because she's just so full of pain from her Space Past. Nobody has known pain like Starfire has known pain! Nobody can understand where she's coming from! It's not like she knows some kid who was killed by a crazed monster and then brought back to life and felt betrayed by the only adult that ever cared for him once he returned. And it's not like she knows some other guy who was known as Speedy for years and years! That's pain you don't just bounce back from.

While Oliver remains at Roy's side, Jason Todd heads off to find Crux because that character wasn't a huge idiot and probably won't want his spaceship back at all. Crux will somehow be able to find Starfire better than anybody else on Earth. Starfire is whacked out on Space Heroin and locked in the back of a truck driven by alien-drug dealers. I'm sure Crux will know immediately that that's where they'll find her! He just knows so much about her!

Red Hood and the Outlaws #36 Rating: Here's how you write a Scott Lobdell interaction between generations of super heroes. The older guy says something condescending. The younger guy snaps back angrily. The older guy points out the younger guy doesn't know anything. The younger guy does a thing that the older guy thought wouldn't work but then it does and the older guy looks stupid. Older guy respects the younger guy. Younger guy still acts like a total and complete asshole.