Green Lantern #37

Why is the moon exploding while Xagyg attacks Earth? And why are Earth's continents different?

Last issue, Hal Jordan recruited Black Hand in his battle against the New Gods. That's always a smart move! Because everybody knows that the enemy of your enemy is your friend, at least up until you've defeated your mutual enemy and now your old enemy's enemy has all of the weapons you lent him and knows your strategies and, well, probably hates you too. Sometimes it's best just to remember that the enemy of your enemy is probably your enemy and you should just crush them all at the same time.

This issue begins by introducing me to The Singularity Stockade. It's the New Gods' multiversal prison which I've never heard of before. It's possible that it's brand new and everybody is hearing about it for the first time right now. It looks like a huge golf ball because that's the most aerodynamic form ever created. Unless you don't manage to hit it with absolute pinpoint precision, which is near impossible, and then it tends to fly off into the water or the rough and lots of people laugh at you.

Aboard the New Gods Prison Planet are most of the Green Lanterns and the Star Sapphires and the more important Yellow Lanterns and the only Blue Lantern and 2-6-8-1-7-9-5, who is a Green Lantern but deserves special mention for being so adorable. I don't see any Black Lanterns though, so at least these idiots have hope of being rescued. Although they'll have to live down being rescued by Hal Jordan who won't let anybody forget that he saved the day. Especially Sinestro. Boy is Sinestro's nose going to be full of his own piddle soon!

You idiot, Kilowog. Green is right in the center of the spectrum! And it's closer to yellow than indigo! Go back to Seventh Grade Art Class, dumby! Wait. That won't help! Those color charts are different for some reason. According to that class, willpower is the result of hope mixed with fear!

John Stewart attempts to use his ring to escape only to be reminded, once again, that the "greatest weapon in the universe" is just a novelty piece of shit.

Aww, my sweet 2-6-8-1-7-9-5! And a nice burn by Sinestro! Kind of. I mean, really, what does it say about Earthlings that they've had five of them chosen to be Green Lanterns? You'd think it was the only planet in Sector 2814 with those kinds of results.

Sinestro tries to use his Parallax as a means of escape but it refuses to stay erect. Sinestro's shame and impotence is exposed for all to see. Even though the rest of the Lanterns remain trapped after Sinestro's defeat, they're all kind of glad that he fucked up the escape. Who wants that bastard lording it over them that he saved the day? Fuck that guy. Although Sinestro does finish his "gloat at my failure if you want to be a dick about it" speech by pointing out that only one thing could be worse than Sinestro himself saving your ass. Now they are all relying on Hal Jordan.

Speaking of Hal Jordan, he spends some time trying to convince Black Hand to help him until he finally discovers the proper incentive.

Not just any space war! A multiversal space war!

Hal and William head to the Source Wall where they were supposed to meet Sinestro. Instead they meet Orion and a battalion (or squad (or regiment (I don't know military group sizes!))) of Highfather's Divine Guards. Apparently the Divine Guards are no match for g-g-g-g-g-ghosts because Black Hand's Black Lanterns make short work of them. Right up until Black Hand becomes distracted with the realization that the Source Wall is a mass grave and he stops projecting his Black Lanterns into the fray. I guess that's okay because he just discovered a whole new army to bring against the New Gods. An army that has intimate knowledge of The Life Equation!

Green Lantern #37 Rating: No change. Now I wish Black Hand had gotten his own comic book instead of Sinestro.