Red Lanterns #36

Guy Gardner should be the next DC character to get a television show.

This would be my pitch for a Guy Gardner television show. Each episode would be two interweaving stories of equal length. One would be about Guy Gardner as a preteen kid growing up in Boston living with his drunk cop father that loves him less than the other kids. The theme of that story will tie in to the theme of the story of Guy Gardner as an adult as he deals with becoming a Green Lantern. The adult Guy Gardner will come off as a complete dick so that if you only had access to the adult part of the story, you couldn't find any reason to like him at all. But the childhood story would reveal why he's acting so angry or cocky or bitter in the face of the current episodic problem he's dealing with as an adult. I think it would be a tough show to write because I'd really want Guy as an adult to be completely unlikable on his own yet his younger self would be irresistibly charming and innocent as he tries to navigate his harsh world. The audience couldn't help but root for his younger self which would, unless they're total monsters, lead them to eventually feel sympathy towards, and maybe even learn to understand and actually like, adult Guy Gardner. And I don't mean some trite shit like showing Guy abused and then we have to realize Guy is abusive because of his childhood trauma. I mean shit like young Guy sees his father constantly take it in the ass (figuratively) by some officious jerks in the department driving his father to drink too much and run over the family dog. So then adult Guy meets up with an officious, bureaucratic alien race which drives him to drink every time he has to deal with them and then purposefully running speeding through one of the alien races dog parks and squashing a bunch of their furry friends. See? You'd hate that Guy! But maybe you'd understand him a little bit through the childhood story!

Guy Gardner has always been one of those characters I've always felt particularly close to. I love that he's got the heart of a true hero and realizes that the bottom line when saving the day isn't that you're well liked. He's got a lot of rough edges that keep people from being close to him and, tragically or not, he seems to be most comfortable within those rough edges. Why else would he be growing out that mustache?

I've been unconsciously wanting a buddy comic with these two guys. Probably! It was unconscious so I can't be totally sure of it.

Simon Baz, peacemaker, and Guy Gardner, Bar Room Brawl Starter, have a short discussion about what to do next. Guy feels like he should die battling gods and Simon Baz thinks Guy should not die battling people that just think they're gods but cannot compare to Allah, true light of mercy and redemption. They'll probably compromise and either not die battling gods, or die battling people that think they're gods.

Over on New Genesis, Malhedron brings up a good point about the cosmic cold war between New Genesis and Apokolips.

Somebody get Highfather a copy of Wargames pronto!

Simon and Guy (they should open a business together. "Simon and Guy's Bagels." Or, um, something) visit Cyborg because Cyborg has the technology to transport them to New Genesis. But Cyborg, being young, is still holding a grudge against Simon Baz for trying to save the world by beating up the Justice League when Superman and Wonder Woman were first starting to get freaky. But he doesn't even know Guy!

How can you not like Guy's response to this?! I hate people that hate Guy Gardner! Hate is a strong word but I think it's called for in this instance.

Hal is a douche, Vic. Don't trust that idiot! Trust Simon and Guy! They're the lanterns you're going to have to deal with on a semi-regular basis from now on. Anyway, when was the last time Hal was around to help the Justice League? That asshole completely abandoned you guys!

Victor wants no part in sending Simon and Guy to New Genesis via his BOOM Tube technology. I think maybe they need to make a call to Alfred Pennyworth! Is this issue going to end with Victor waking up on the floor woozy from the cyber-drugs and thinking, "Not again!"

Simon Baz threatens to shut down STAR Labs and put Vic's dad out on the street. And instead of Vic saying, "Good! Fuck that asshole!" he says, "*grumble mumble rumble* Fine."

Simon and Guy (I can't not type that without picturing them flying down the streets of San Francisco in a gold Chevy Nova) don't trust the Justice League to take care of the Earth while they're gone, so they bring in some outside Lantern help.

Someday, B'dg is going to snap, gather up all the Green Lanterns in his cheeks, and look cute as all hell!

Simon and Guy request that Cyborg BOOM Tube them somewhere out of the way on New Genesis. I think that's the kind of request you make to people that you haven't just threatened. So I don't think it's a mistake or a miscalculation or an accident on Victor's part that he BOOM Tubes Simon and Guy directly on top of Malhedron and Dia. The fact that Mal and Dia were currently naked and about to BOOM Tube their own selves is just a happy coincidence.

The good thing, which Simon and Guy don't realize at the time, is that Malhedron, originally from Apokolips, is beginning to question Highfather's need to defeat Darkseid at the cost of everything else in the universe. I still think a copy of Wargames would help him understand what he's doing is wrong.

In the moment (because Malhedron needs time to recognize allies!), Mal and Dia try to kill Simon and Guy. But Highfather stops them. I guess Highfather likes to watch Mal and Dia fuck so he was alerted to the Lantern invasion as soon as it happened. He orders Mal to put Simon and Guy in a Miracle Prison where they shall be interrogated by Malhedron. That's when he'll realize these guys are his allies!

Red Lanterns #36 Rating: This is one of my favorite comics but it only became so after Charles Soule began writing it. Or after Guy Gardner joined. It's hard to separate the two, really! This comic book had such a hard time finding its voice that I'm nervous about what's going to happen to it once Soule leaves DC for good to go be a stupid dumb dumb head over at Marvel. I like to embrace my bitter, wounded, oft betrayed inner child!