Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Suicide Squad #29

OMAC's O-Face.

Last issue ended with Deadshot shooting himself for the third time since this series began. He may be the greatest member of the Suicide Squad to ever live! Or die! Or die three times while still living! Most of the members of the Suicide Squad die from violence at other people's hands. Nobody ever actually takes the name literally and commits suicide even once, let alone three times! But Deadshot shot himself to take out Harley; he shot himself to take out Regulus; and now he's shot himself one last time with a magic bullet to take out OMAC. At least this time, he was able to shoot Amanda Waller as well.

The difference is, of course, that magic bullet I mentioned. Apparently this bullet is an Ich Luge bullet! It breaks the surface of the skin, enough to cause a little blood, but no real damage. It also gives the victim enhanced strength, super agility, and big time smarts. According to Waller, this magic bullet will give Deadshot and Harley Quinn the edge over OMAC.

But Amanda is constantly lying, right? So I think she just wants Deadshot and Harley to believe they have a chance against OMAC so that, while they're getting ripped apart, Amanda and Kevin Kho can figure out how to shut OMAC down. That's the Amanda Waller Way!

OMAC currently stands for One-Machine Attack Construct instead of One Man Army Corps like it used to or Old Man Ass Crack like it never did.

If Deadshot and Harley don't succeed, and if Kevin Kho can't force the Thinker out of OMAC, Amanda has one last option: send OMAC through a super secret portal at the bottom of Belle Reve. Excuse me. A PORTHOLE at the bottom of Belle Reve. That's an odd bit of terminology to use. Portal seems more apt. Unless Belle Reve isn't a prison at all! It's a Space Station!

Amanda Waller calls this "porthole" the Toilet because it's used to remove waste from this universe to some other unknown universe. My guess is it leads to the Marvel Universe. I think it backed up at the beginning of The New 52, spilling Scott Lobdell, Howard Mackie, and Ann Nocenti all over the floor. Disgusting!

I love transparency even if my readers hate my love for it because it always causes me to talk about things other than the comic book I was reading. But I just thought I'd point out that I just took a six hour break from reading Suicide Squad so I could earn a living. I came home with a bag of Darkside Skittles: The Other Side of the Rainbow. Apparently they're Evil Skittles. As I've been eating them, I occasionally stop to whisper darkly, "Rape the rainbow." Your mind would probably go there too if you knew what the flavours were (okay, maybe not your mind. Sheesh. I guess you're better than I am)! Dark Berry. Forbidden Fruit. Midnight Lime. Blood Orange. It sounds like the beginning of an episode of CSI (even to somebody like me that's never seen an episode!). The only flavour I don't get is Pomegranate. I think the Pomegranate represents sex in The Book of A Thousand Nights and a Night. Anyway, now I'm out of Evil Candy and need to get back to reading my comic book.

Why is Power Girl so tiny? And Steel so huge?!

Notice the placement of Power Girl's Boob Window here? Apparently Jim Fern and R.B. Silva were using different reference pictures for Power Girl's costume. Fern has drawn a costume that will actually keep Power Girl's breasts inside the costume.

I hate to say this because I feel bad when I criticize an artist (why don't I feel bad criticizing a writer?) but Jim Fern's art is lousy. Wayne Faucher on inks isn't doing anything to liven it up either! And Brett Smith's coloring? Well, let me just say he's no University of Northern Colorado at Greeley Alum Gabe Eltaeb!

The writing on Suicide Squad has been lousy as well! Come on, Matt Kindt. Stop fucking sleep walking through your writing assignments! You really aren't fucking trying on this Forever Evil shit, are you?

Nice, Deadshot! You just had to bring up Gwar, didn't you? Now you've got all the little Bohabs crying again!

This might be some of the worst art I've seen in The New 52 for quite some time. It's worse than the art you'd get in a free mini-comic strapped to the back of a knock-off action figure or dug out of the bottom of a box of Trix. Maybe it's some kind of Modern Art that I don't understand!

Really, Harley? OMAC and Cheese?! I suppose the shitty one-liners fit with the shitty art.

You may have noticed I'm not really discussing the plot much. That's because it amounts to everybody getting shot with magic bullets as they try to lead OMAC into the toilet.

Power Girl and Steel arrive to help out because this fight needs somebody in it that can actually survive a punch from OMAC. Steel bang bangs his silver hammer down upon OMAC's head causing Kevin Kho to renew his foothold in OMAC's mind. I don't know what's happening with The Thinker. I guess he's the guy that's been using OMAC's mouth to utter dialogue worse than Harley's.

Everybody drops down to Waller's level and stand around The Toilet looking stupid and disengaged. Inside OMAC's mind, Kevin and The Thinker are apparently fighting but that would be too complicated to draw if you only had the artistic skills of Jim Fern to rely on.

Goddammit! I feel horrible saying that! Why do I have such a soft spot when it comes to lambasting artists?! I think I'm still sore from the time Marcus To called me out to the woodshed, pulled down my pants, and softly inserted his tongue. No wait. I'm conflating two different memories! That was my uncle. Marcus just pointed out that I was a raging asshole when I criticized one of his covers. He was right to point out I was an asshole. But I was right to point out his cover design sucked spectacularly sweaty balls.

While everybody is kind of waiting to see if Kevin Kho saves OMAC from having to be flushed down the toilet, King Shark shows up with a little prepared speech he tells suitors when they want more than he'd like to give them. "Gee, Blank, my name is King Shark. You killed my father. Prepare to die." King Shark tackles OMAC into the Toilet and flushes himself away. OMAC grabs a ledge though. I guess King Shark will be appearing in Moon Knight next month.

Kevin defeats The Thinker and takes care of OMAC but then Captain Boomerang takes care of Kevin by kicking OMAC into The Toilet. Now Amanda has to fish two fucking lunkheads out of it somehow. Also Amanda has another twist because she's always lying about everything and manipulating everybody! The Magic Bullets were really Nano-Bombs! Now everybody is a forced member of The Squad again! Stupid jerks! They deserve this job! Get fooled by Amanda Waller once, shame on you! Get fooled by Amanda Waller dozens of times, your name is probably Floyd Lawson.

Captain Boomerang is eating invisible ribs.

Suicide Squad #29 Rating: -2 Ranking. Boring story. Horrendous art. Pretty good title ("Flushed") for this piece of shit.

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