I'm still waiting for Etrigan to appear on a cover.
One thing that I forgot to mention because I forgot! Pandora, The Phantom Stranger, and Cassandra Craft were teleported out of the Thaumaton before it blew up. Or before they thought it was going to blow up. Because by Page Three, I notice Constantine and Zatanna are still sealed into the contraption.
Constantine just looks bored.
Meanwhile I discover that John looks bored because he's in limbo talking with Zatanna. Hmm. That came out wrong. His body looks bored because his mind is not inside of it! It's in a place called The Between (Jesus Christ. After all the boring names things were called in Lois Lane #1, I have to get the same shit from Constantine?) and it is able to talk with Zatanna's mind there. I bet it can also do other things but they really don't have two minutes to spare. That wasn't a joke about how long Constantine can last. It was a joke about how quickly Zatanna can reach orgasm. "Etarbiv sirotilc!"
While they've got a moment alone, Constantine tells Zatanna that she's the only thing he cares about. Zatanna obviously doesn't want to hear that shit about how she's somehow responsible now for Constantine's happiness. Not only does she have to worry about saving the world, now she has to worry about whether or not she hurts John's feelings while doing it? Fuck that selfish prick! Sometimes your true feelings should remain hidden out of compassion for the other person's feelings. Although I guess that doesn't matter to John. I called him a selfish prick for a reason, didn't I? Hopefully at the end of this mess, Zatanna will just say, "Uoy t'nod yllaer evol em, Nhoj." And then he'll go back to only caring about gathering magic doodads to make himself more powerful. I mean, to maintain the balance of power to help keep the world safe *cough*bullshit*cough*.
Oh crap. Not this asshole again.
I guess Constantine is a boring asshole in a tie as well. But he has the trench coat which makes him cooler! Even if it was Nick's coat to begin with. Oh! He also has the accent! That's why he's better. English accents always make things better. Except for Scouse accents. Unless they're backed by music!
Nick's feelings are hurt when he's rejected by John and Zee so he pretends that he was lying just to trap them into the Thaumaton's firing mechanism. But the single, solitary tear falling down his face and the way he runs spastically from the room to go stuff his face full of the never dying love of a giant cheese pizza betrays his true feelings.
"...can manifest such a deep and mighty hate." I've never felt as close to Felix Faust as I do right now!
If I hadn't just gained a Master Comic Book Reader Level during my Lois Lane #1 commentary, I'd level up right now! If the cheese pizza had manifested, I'd have gone up two levels!
Justice League Dark #28 Rating: No change. Ha ha! Nick Necro cried the cliché single tear of sadness! That has to be the lowest moment of his life! What a loser jerk! I've never cried the single tear of sadness! Fuck it man. When I loved someone that didn't love me back, I full out bawled in front of police and the girl I loved! And the cops had the nerve to think I was crying because they were hassling me! So I yelled, "I'm not crying because of YOU!" Luckily they didn't arrest me or I might have sat in the jail cell which probably would have prompted me to cry the single tear of sadness. Whew! Close one! Embarrassment narrowly avoided!