Earth 2 #21

An insane Dr. Fate? An agoraphobic Kryptonian? A super powered Jimmy Olsen? Replacement Batman has some serious problems to work through before his new Justice Society is up and running!

Five years ago, Earth 2 was kidney punched into submission by Darkseid. But Earth 2 got lucky with a wild, flailing swing as it went down pissing blood, knocking Darkseid out and driving his armies from Earth 2. Now, five years later (go ahead. Do the math between "five years ago" and "now" and you'll see I'm correct that it's five years later), Flip the Fuck Out Superman is curb stomping the shit out of Earth 2. It's lost most of its teeth and is babbling incoherently as it slips toward unconsciousness and eventual oblivion. All that's standing in his way is a Justice Society that nobody recognizes because now they're gay when they weren't or women when they were men or men when they were women or fathers when they were their sons. It's complete and utter chaos!

It's also pretty fucking terrific! Why would anybody want old characters told in the same way when they can have new characters and new stories while still having access to the old characters and old stories?! More is always better! Especially if you're talking about cupcakes! But probably not when you're talking about violent attacks on random citizens or fatty deposits in your arteries.

The Atom bitchslaps himself.

I know, I know. The term "bitchslap" is problematic. But it's only problematic if you're a sexist jerk that hears the word "bitch" and automatically thinks that it means "woman." Now that's problematic! Stop being sexist in your interpretations of the words I'm using! By "bitch," I obviously meant a non-gender specific somebody that sucks at Call of Duty.

I know, I know. Redefining words that have never been used to demean or oppress the person redefining the word is problematic! You know what else is problematic? A world where everybody rushes to be offended and upset just to prove that they're smarter and better than the person they've just been offended by!

I know, I know. Policing other people's reactions to words and expecting them to feel the same way I do is problematic! But it's only problematic if you know what the meaning of the word "problematic" is which I don't think I do because I keep saying things I'm writing are problematic but I don't seem to care! Ignorance is its own reward!

Meanwhile, Replacement Batman hands out assignments in his war against Flip the Fuck Out Superman.

Replacement Batman is the best!

After this auspicious bit of verbal beatdown, I have a feeling Red Arrow is going to be the guy to stop Flip the Fuck Out Superman with a well placed Kryptonite Arrow right in the missing scale.

The World Army has mostly been defeated. Those that survived the battles only did so by retreating to Amazonia. It's possible this is Earth 2's version of Themyscira. It's also possible that it's a large warehouse in Seattle. Khan has escaped with 1% of his World Army soldiers. He can't get in touch with the World Government because they're escaping on a Space Ark in a few minutes with all the rich assholes of the world. Good riddance! Now if Replacement Batman and the Just Barely Society can save the world, it will be a far better place without the jerks that had the power and wealth to get a seat on the Space Ark.

Flip the Fuck Out Superman feels the same way I do but he goes the extra mile to make sure these douches don't wind up fucking up another world somewhere else in the universe.

Ha ha! Good one, Taylor! You really stuck it to all the power hungry, wealthy assholes that read comic books!

I bet if the above page had been sent to Fox News, they would have devoted a number of outraged hours to speculating on how the liberals had turned Superman into a hater of tradition and success and the American Way! Oh man, I would love to see Flip the Fuck Out Sean Hannity shit his britches over this.

Replacement Batman, Aquawoman, and Commander Khan Skype together and agree to work together to come up with a plan to save the world. I'm sure it will mostly be Replacement Batman's plan while the others are forced to spout puns and wear bright outfits.

Finally, Bedlam is overseeing a project to Boom Tube Earth into Apokolips' current location so Darkseid can sit in all of Earth's chairs without leaving the comfort of his orbit. Bedlam's helpers are Mister Terrific, Mister Miracle, and Mister Terry Sloan (the original Mister Terrific and the one Fox News prefers because he's white. I mean, he was the first and thus the traditional one). In the process of controlling Sloan's mind, Bedlam discovers that the good guys have their own Kryptonian. Well, that's troubling. They haven't even cured him of his agoraphobia yet! It looks like Val-el is going to be entering an Immersion Therapy Program whether he's ready for it or not.

Earth 2 #21 Rating: +4 Ranking. I'm really enjoying this title so much more since it's become an Elseworlds Book instead of a "Let's Re-imagine the Justice Society" book. I suppose that's also an Elseworlds Book! But this one is better! Sorry, Mr. Robinson, but it is.