Wonder Woman #28

Last issue, The First Born was about to escape and kill Apollo, Cassandra and her Magic Bull were about to kidnap Dionysus, and Wonder Woman and Artemis were wrestling naked in the hills. Zola and Zeke were on their own in France since they wanted nothing to do with the Pig Orgy. And Wesley Willis was still on New Genesis trying to get a bomb removed from a critical part of his body. Lennox was still a mantlepiece. Hera was living the life of a depressed homemaker. And Clark Kent was wondering why he never gets to be a part of Wonder Woman's comic book.

This issue begins with Wonder Woman, Hera, Hermes, and Artemis on the hunt.

I'm a Master Comic Book Reader and I'm baffled by this dialogue. Maybe I forgot I was drunk.

Anyway, Artemis catches scent of Dio as well as Zola and jumps to a seemingly logical conclusion that if they search for Dionysus (who will be easy to find because they'll just follow the trail of empty wine bottles and dismembered corpses), they'll find Zola. But by the time they find Dionysus, he might already have been kidnapped by Cassandra, leaving Zeke and Zola alone in the French wilderness. That's the worst wilderness to be alone in if you only speak English because even if somebody hears your cries for help, they'll just scoff and continue on their way. That's worse than the American version of this because you know the French person understands that you need help because they will understand English but they'll still refuse. An American who hears a foreigner calling for help in another language won't understand and will probably shoot them as a terrorist. Oh wait. That's worse. My mistake.

Although getting lost in the woods in France also means you get chased by people like this:

Again, I guess if you've seen Deliverance, you might argue that lost in an American wilderness is still worse.

I've never seen Deliverance but I think I wouldn't mind seeing a remake of it by Guillermo del Toro. Actually, I guess the above panel could easily be one of the story boards for that.

While Dio fails to stop the Bearotaur from having its way with him, Wonder Woman and the others arrive at the edge of the woods just in time to hear either a scream from a god with a Bearotaur penis in his ass or the scream of a Bearotaur with his penis in a god's ass. It's hard to tell since I don't think there's a comic book standard sound effect for either one of those. Now if I could actually hear the sound with my own ears, I'm fairly confident I could identify which it was.

Artemis finds the scream exciting and sprints into the woods followed by Wonder Woman and Hermes. Hera remains behind because she's a useless member of the team. So now she knows how Aquaman must feel hanging out with the Justice League.

Meanwhile on Olympus, Apollo is finding out that The First Born is not an easy creature to kill. He's completely warn himself out turning The First Born into a walking piece of charcoal. Now it's the charcoal's turn.

As Dio is brought aboard Cassandra's ship and Zola and Zeke slip aboard as well, the Good Guys arrive. I know the terms good and bad depend on a lot of factors and perspectives but since Wonder Woman's name is on the cover of this comic book, I'm going to go ahead and trust that she's in the right. If DC published more anti-hero comic books, I might be unsure. But 99% of their titles are either "heroes" or Batman. I sure would like more books based on super villains. That's why I hope Lois Lane gets her own title!

This was just a cool looking panel.

Before Cassandra's ship takes off with the Bearotaur and its captive (and the stowaways!), Wonder Woman makes eye contact with the Bearotaur. Is this the same creature she fought in her Zero Issue when she was thirteen? The one which she mercifully let live? I know it looked more like a bull back then but things change! The old style gives rise to modern interpretation! If this is the same beast, it will definitely wind up siding with Wonder Woman because Wonder Woman's greatest power is making friends! I don't have that power at all! I don't think I've made a new friend in well over a decade!

Now that Cassandra has Dio, she has her key to get into Olympus and collect The First Born. But I don't think he's going to want to leave because he's on the cusp of defeating Apollo and taking the throne for himself. But just before The First Born can squeeze the last of Apollo's life from his body, and just before Cassandra's ship arrives (with Wonder Woman now hanging from the bottom), Apollo detonates Olympus and blows everything sky high. Or sky low? Earth low? Space high? I don't fucking know where Olympus is located in reality.

Wonder Woman #28 Rating: No change. It feels like everything is coming close to wrapping up! Although Zeke is still just an infant and not a grown ass man that likes to rape mortals while pretending to be different creatures or inanimate objects. I suppose once The First Born is no longer a threat, Zeke will grow a big beard and reclaim the throne and make his wife a god once again. He might keep the name Zeke though. Zeke, King of the Gods, sounds about right.