Batman Loves Superman #8

Who wants to bet that car does not belong to Superman? What a fucking dick.

Before we find out why the heroes are battling each other like they're wont to do, let's return this blog to a subject that's been sorely lacking of late: me! Some people are of the mistaken opinion that this is a comic book blog. But comic books are simply incidental to the topic I'm most passionate about which is, once again, me.

The Thanksgiving before last, my mother brought up a box with my old report cards and that School Years Book that every parent diligently filled out for their first born child, filling the paper pockets with awards and drawings and lost teeth. I'm the second born child, so mine is a little less thorough. I'm sure if I'd had younger siblings, their books would have still been wrapped in cellophane.

They're probably still making these with this exact cover! Oh shit. Or maybe they aren't! Let's get out of this caption to look at something entertaining I found on Amazon just now!

It looks like Batman and Superman are going to have to wait even longer now that I looked up the School Years Book on Amazon to see if they're still being sold. And they are! Of course they aren't using the cover I just scanned since that font was outlawed in 1977 and even by the time I was going to school way back in The Dark Ages, we didn't have little school houses or carry our books on a belt. I'm sure the image has been updated quite a few times across the last four decades. But this is what it looks like now:

Well shit. That image is still way the fuck out of date!

Anyway, as you can see, the little white boy is practically the same kid as on my cover. But the little girl has been subtly altered. If you can't figure out what's different, I'll let Ward Kendall explain it to you in a second. But first, who is Ward Kendall and is he going to become one of the voices I begin using for this blog, joining the ranks of Cowboy Joe and Philo Sophocles? He is the author of the novel, Hold Back This Day, which tells the "chilling story about the last white people left on Earth. It is 85 years after the Unification, and mankind has been forcibly united under one government, one religion, and one race. Yet, a handful of whites still exist, among them skoolplex administrator Jeff Huxton. As he watches his son slowly destroyed by a racially homogenized world that will no longer accept his kind, Jeff comes to meet Karl Ramstrom. Ramstrom holds out one last hope for them--but only if they can escape the global-wide police state ruled by the iron-fisted leaders of World Gov. And the only place left to run is Mars." That sure does sound chilling! Anyway, this budding science fiction juggernaut left a one star review for the School Years Book which I really thought was a parody review because it's actually pretty funny! Here's Ward Kendall to let you guys know what's different about this cover versus my cover:

Propaganda Written By A PC Leftist/Liberal Multiculturalist
Amazon Review by Ward Kendall, Terrified White Person [Sorry! That was me, Tess, editorializing! I won't do that again! The rest is purely Ward's words! Except when I can't help but interject within square brackets with bold text! I also apologize for its length but it's all pure gold! I'll print it in Italics so you know where it ends if you get sick of how many times he repeats his joke. Or his serious point. It's one or the other, depending on how sane you are.]

I am the father of two children, now grown [And probably fled as fast as possible out of Ward's household.]. That said, my first thoughts upon seeing this book's cover took me back to my own childhood [Where everyone was white and happy because the darkies and mulattoes kept to their own neighborhood or we gave them the proper what-for!], as well as my own school years. First off, note the traditional "little red schoolhouse" on the cover [Hey! I noted that on my cover too! I hope that's the only thing Ward and I have in common!]. And the little boy skipping along with the same kind of lunchbox I had back in the 1960's [When you were working upon girders building high-rises?]. Finally, note the style of shirt he's wearing, which goes back even further, being commonly worn as far back as the 1950's, and, in some cases, the 1940's [And which some kids were still wearing in 1974 as you'll see when I scan in my picture from Kindergarten!]. Rarely, however, do boys in the 21st century wear that style of shirt [You obviously don't know any hipsters.]. So WHY is this book illustrated this way - depicting a childhood school scene more common to the 1950's and 1960's - but NOT today? Could it be that the author wants the potential buyer to say, "Yeah, look at that scene! Just like I remember it so long ago!" [Except for that stupid sausage dog. Couldn't the author have put a Labradoodle on the cover?!]

But wait [What?! Oh, okay! What's going on?].

Look at the cover again. If you're old enough you'll fondly remember that such a traditional scene is missing one very important element: the cute, blonde-haired little girl skipping along at the boy's side. She was ALWAYS there [Well, not on my cover. My School Years book only has a skanky brunette.] - and you, as a child, might have fantasized that she was the equally cute boy's childhood sweetheart. Or, if not that, then perhaps his sister [How about both?!], doing his sacred duty to protect her along the way. And if not these, then simply a schoolyard friend of his [Why you gotta portray the white boy as the main character?].

So why isn't that traditional blonde-haired little girl there NOW? Could it be, just maybe, that the author has deliberately deleted her very existence in order to replace it with a new existence and a new MESSAGE: that cute little, red-haired boys no longer have cute little, blonde-haired girls to grow up with - and perhaps marry [Holy shit! Ward's right! This cover is a time travel story and the little blonde girl has been erased from existence by the machinations of this dark skinned vixen from the future!].

This book's cover, obviously, is implying that TWO white children happily walking to school together is now something that is no longer to be "tolerated" [That's exactly what I thought when I saw this! I hardly thought for a second that this was just a scene of two kids with no agenda! Although when I looked at the cover of my old book and saw two white kids, I thought, "What? Minorities weren't allowed to go to school back then? And the school could only fit two children? And the bell tower was reaching critical mass? Also, what kind of disfiguring accident led to the boy losing his nose?!" Obviously that's the message on my old cover or else they would have drawn more people on it!]. Metaphorically, the cute little blonde-haired girl is dead [OH MY GOD! It's a horror story! "This winter...be prepared for the fright of your life! SCHOOL YEARS! The tale of a little dead girl that never existed and the poor white boy that had to make friends with a Filipino."]. In her stead she has been replaced - replaced with something resembling a mestizo or possibly a Cambodian or Filipino - or anyone of countless immigrant invaders of non-European ethnic stock [Why are the Europeans never invaders in the minds of guys like Ward Kendall? Somebody has some blind spots when it comes to history!]. Take your pick [I pick Cambodian!].

So there it is: just another author's below-the-radar message: that the little red-haired boy on the book's cover is to be force-fed non-white children [OH MY GOD! It's also about cannibalism!], OR he will be ruthlessly shunned ["Eat up, boy. Nobody's gonna play with you until you finish that thar plate of Mexican food. *WINK*"]. And as he grows up the message further pushes the author's stealth-bomber agenda: that the non-white girl will constitute the red-haired boy's strictly-controlled pool of friends as well as, later on, his dating choices. And when he's ready to marry? Well, his future bride is to be that little non-white girl - or one of millions just like her [How come Ward can't picture any white girls in his future dystopia simply because the one he expected is missing but he can picture millions of non-white girls that aren't depicted on the cover either?]. Because that's the final implication that the author is trying to convey. And when the first babies come forth, they'll all be non-white...[OH MY GO...wait. Was that supposed to be a scary part?]

Thus, the little blonde-haired white girl has been erased - and not by accident. You see, she and the little red-haired white boy are not intended in today's tightly-controlled propaganda machine to ever meet and marry, if this author and the millions of his comrades have their way. For once the children of the little red-haired boy and the Cambodian/Filipino/whatever little girl grow into school age, the little red-haired boy will also be erased, leaving both the boy and the girl skipping their way to school as two brown-skinned children, killing off the last vestiges of the traditional America that you and I grew up in [He has a point! The Native Americans didn't take these same precautions and look what happened to the traditional America their ancestors grew up in! Completely ruined by assholes!].

So, unless you want to expose your children to this kind of visual anti-white propaganda [Sure, why not?], you should avoid this book. Because neither your own cute little red-haired boys and cute little blonde-haired girls are wanted anymore, in this fast-disintegrating USA. As for yourself, parents, pick up a copy of "Hold Back This Day" here on amazon, if you are concerned about where this country is headed.

My favorite part of this review is how he already has the two kids on the cover married and fucking! With the world disintegrating down around their ears! And America being invaded by millions of terrifying non-white babies! I'm so frightened now! How about I change the subject and talk about Superman and Batman now? I'll get back to my Kindergarten years next commentary since I got a bit sidetracked!

But before I ponder why Batman and Superman can't keep from punching the new ladies in their lives, I have to say I probably screwed up by visiting the Amazon page for Ward Kendall's book! Now Amazon is showing me a bunch of racist propaganda that I might be interested in!

Amazon: "Hey, I saw you looking at that Fear of the Black Man book by Ward Kendall? How about another shitty book by him? No? Not interested? What about White Girl Bleeds A Lot: The Return of Racial Violence to America and How the Media Ignore It? What? No? You're seriously not into that? Well, you gotta want this book about how awesome Hitler was, right?"

Okay! For realsies this time! Getting back to the Batman and The Huntress! Here, I'll scan in a picture to get the ball rolling.

Is she really just seventeen? That means she would have been eleven or twelve when she came to New Earth. That seems quite a bit off because I found her super sexy back then and I don't believe I'm into prepubescent girls! At least I haven't been for about thirty years anyway! Perhaps Batman is just terrible at guessing the age of women from other worlds.

The Huntress decides to tell Batman the long story which basically means she lays it all out on the table. Her dad was Bruce Wayne and her mom was Selina Kyle. This causes Batman to make a mental not to have Alfred check all of the Batman condoms for flaws. She tells Batman that she's from a different Earth where her father was killed in a war against Darkseid. She doesn't yet mention that she met Damian a while back and he bought her story, so maybe Batman should buy it too.

Batman is a man of science so he takes a DNA sample from Helena which proves she's his daughter. Lucky she wasn't from Earth 3 or all of her DNA sequences would have been backwards! Which would make her Earth 3 DNA exactly like her Earth 2 DNA, right?

After Batman has proof and he's probably not going to break her nose, Helena approaches him to tell him why she finally came to visit.

This is killing me! When are they going to hug?!

Batman and Helena head off to do some investigating because that's what Detektifs do. The Huntress has an opinion but Batman says, "Keep your opinion in your girl hole, you!" The Huntress thinks Batman should trust his friend Superman and that they should contact him since who would know better than him how to control a Kryptonian gone wild? But Batman likes this comic book when it only has his Narration Boxes and Superman's stupid Narration Boxes aren't shoved into his panels, full of propaganda and words that might make Batman's words look foolish and self-serving. Fuck you, Superman! There's only room enough for one hero in this comic book! And that hero is the one with top billing! Superman disagrees with Batman and decides to make an appearance.

Superman is chastising Power Girl, not the boy or the dog.

Superman manages to get the situation under control by smashing half of a mountain over Power Girl's head. It's the Kryptonian version of slapping a hysterical woman in a 50s movie.

Superman: "Get a hold of yourself! *SMASH*"
Power Girl: "What the fucking fuck, you abusive motherfucker?! Holy Rao! Did your Earth parents teach you striking a woman was okay?"
Superman: "MA AND PA! *CRY*"

The answer would be "Fuck off and die, superdickbreath."

While Superman helps Power Girl get control of her powers, Batman and The Huntress investigate the reason for her powers going wonky. And they find it. It's related to New Gamorra and Kaizen Gamorra. Or his son. The guy that died in the men's bathroom after his date with Power Girl back on Earth 2 in the Worlds' Finest Annual. Because of the whole "guy that first made Power Girl wet" aspect of this revelation, The Huntress decides to keep it secret and goes under cover with Batman to The President's Ball on New Gamorra.

They discover that Kaizen Gamorra is somehow going to detonate Power Girl for some reason or another. Perhaps it's because she knows his man bathroom secret life. Batman tells Superman to leave her but Superman holds her as they float over the Earth, exploding over and over again. Earlier Power Girl mentioned the release of power felt like the best sneeze ever. I know what she really meant. And so did Superman which is probably why he wants to be a part of this. BOOOM BOOOM BOOOM SPPPPPUUUUURRRRT!

Batman and The Huntress Love Superman and Power Girl #8 Rating: +2 Ranking. The art is gorgeous and I felt Greg Pak got the character interactions pretty close to the mark. I still wish Bats and Supes weren't being shown as having such a huge rivalry. I guess this Reboot Universe is new enough that they're still building trust between them. But I really wouldn't mind an issue here or there which tells old stories of Clark and Bruce from Earth 2 where they're really close. Super close. One might even say "fantastically intimate" or, you know, just gay.