The Movement #10

Why are Batgirl and Katharsis blocking the comic book characters I really want to read about? "Deep Fried Chicken Hawk" and "Potato Salad."

Word on the dirty street is The Movement has been cancelled as of Issue #12. The Dirty Street is what we call Gail Simone's Tumblr. "We" are me. There's something wrong with that previous sentence but I don't know how to correct it! We is I? We are I? We is me? We am us? Fuck it. I'm going to stop using language. The rest of this commentary will be done in pictures.

Hmm. This just may be my greatest commentary ever but nobody is going to understand it. Maybe I'll stick to language.

So last issue, Batgirl was unconscious and about to be undressed by The Movement.

That's exactly what upskirt creepers say! So I've heard.

If Horizon joins The Movement, that would give the group seven members. And since Virtue's powers rely on the Emotional Spectrum, I think that means each member of the group represents part of that spectrum. So Burden is Red/Wrath, Tremor is Orange/Selfishness (Mouse likes her because Cheese is orange), Horizon is Yellow/Fear, Vengeance Moth is Green/Willpower, Virtue is Blue/Hope, Katharsis is Indigo/Compassion (Like the Indigo Lanterns, she is a violent criminal that is reforming), Mouse is Violet/Love. Actually Mouse is kind of gray and pale but that's pretty close to violet and he loves cheese. And probably peanut butter. And Chips Ahoy cookies.

The Rainbow also has another hidden meaning that you probably all think you already know but you don't. It's the symbol for the covenant between God and mankind in which God declares he will never flood the world again. So that brings in Rainmaker somehow. Oh! Also Rainmaker makes rainbows. So that probably fits on its own without bringing in that asshole God to muck it all up!

Batgirl regains consciousness just before Mouse can get her top off and promptly defeats the entire group in about three seconds. That'll teach this new group not to mess with Batman or Batman affiliated franchises. Katharsis isn't just the major muscle in this group; she's the entire muscular system. Possibly also the ligaments and tendons. And the liver. But Katharsis isn't currently in The Sweatshop because she's out hunting Horizon the hero and/or murderer. How about we just say "future member of The Movement" and be done with the philosophical and ethical questions?

Meanwhile, The Gravy Factory quit their jobs. Ha ha. Cowards. They made gravy in their pants.

Katharsis locates Horizon and decides the best way to make peace with Batgirl is to fuck Horizon in midair. I don't know if Batgirl will be happy to hear about it or not but I wouldn't mind a few more pages detailing the encounter. But no. One lousy panel. I bet you anything Simone has six or seven pages of script vividly describing the entire scene with a note to Williams saying, "If you can't fit in this entire scene, cut the Batgirl stuff." But then Editorial threw a fit because Batgirl was already on the cover and they didn't have time to redo it. Anyway, the new cover would probably have too many penises and vaginas on it to be sold anywhere but on the corner of Haight and Ashbury.

Back at The Sweatshop, Mouse is learning that none of Tremor's orifices are interested in his wiener. None at all. No chance.

It still can be, Ven! Make some moves! Or recruit some more members until you find a booty that's compatible with your call.

Wasn't there some plot about some guy named the Cornea Killer or something? Man Cannon the Big Shot's son or something? Bah, who cares? It can't be more interesting than the drama within the group and Batgirl's stuck-up judging of this entire city.

Cornea who?

Katharsis decides to run off with Horizon but first she needs to talk to Virtue about it. And that's when Katharsis finds out Horizon recently killed a couple of Coral City cops. That might be a problem for their future together. But Horizon has an idea for a happily ever after!

I think I had this wet dream years ago. I mean normal dream! It was totally dry and not sexy.

Of course Batgirl doesn't let anybody die! The police are coming to arrest him and The Movement can't think of anything else to do but give him up since he is a cop killer. Batgirl heads back to Gotham City after making peace with Virtue and inviting her to come visit once Coral City ceases to exist in a few issues.

That felt like a cheap shot! I'm sure it'll appear in the DC Universe again sometime. Maybe Hal Jordan will get pissed off and raze it to the ground in a year or two.

The Movement #10 Rating: +1 Ranking. I think I'm supposed to be torn by the ethical dilemmas this group deals with in the face of very tough circumstances but I don't care at all about who is just or right or oppressed. I just want to see more booty calls and hook ups. Does that make me shallow? Bah. My picture review was way more intellectual than this stupid language one.