My girl here can shape reality. So she's about to bang Green Lantern 3000 in the ass. God I love her.
Last commentary, I guessed that the only two members of The Five that have not been revealed were Validus and Aquaman 3000. This issue begins by reminding me that one of The Five is called "The Convert." But don't worry! I didn't screw up! I just forgot about my theory that The Convert was actually Aquaman 3000! He just had to change his name because a guy that controls fish isn't worth a damn in outer space. But Aquaman 3000 probably forgot that he could only telepathically control sea creatures and now he goes around controlling humans instead. Hopefully he also forgot that he was the lamest hero in the DC Universe!
Oh, don't roll your eyes at me! I'm a Master Comic Book Reader! And if I say Aquaman is lame then Aquaman is lame! It's an objective fact thoroughly researched by a near Grandmaster Comic Book Reader (that'd be me! Just a few more levels!)! The only people that don't think Aquaman is lame are people who love underdogs (which, by the way, doesn't earn him points towards not being lame) and thrive on telling other people why they're complete idiots and that Aquaman is more than a guy that talks to fish. Yes, he is. But it doesn't make him interesting. Sure, I was tricked into thinking that The New 52 Aquaman was a terrific character for a few issues! But then I realized we were getting the exact same Aquaman stories we always got! Talking to fish. Dueling Black Manta. War with Atlantis. War with the surface. Battling whalers.
Also, never mind the fact that I have the Aquaman Series ranked as one of the Top Ten Comics of The New 52! There's bound to be an odd discrepancy or two in such a complex system! Seriously! I hate Aquaman! The fact that I'd recommend picking up his series doesn't change that fact at all!
And don't bother reading any of my Aquaman commentaries because they'll just piss you off. It's just a lot of "Aquaman can go eat a whale's ass for all I care" and "Why doesn't Aquaman just swim straight down a Great White's throat?" and
10 PRINT "FUCK AQUAMAN"
20 GOTO 10"
and "Once again, Aquaman manages to bore me into eating my own feces." That's probably the kind of stuff you don't want to read. So I don't recommend reading any of them. Ever.
Well shit. I guess I'll have to fucking change my terminology, won't I?!
Terry (or Teri. Whichever one is the female Wonde...um, half of the scientific work team) is flipping the fuck out because Locus killed The Flash 3000. That wasn't supposed to happen. But Teri (or Terry!) points out that they can just clo...create a new Barry Allen from the samples of DNA they have lying around. Hmm. That seems an awful lot like the C-word. I guess I'm just too stupid to understand scientific processes.
Oh my God! I would like this comic book so much more if they were cupcakes!
She explains the process in-depth on a previous page but that page was all scientific and technical and boring! This page had all the pathos! And ethos! And logos!
Hal, you idiot! She totally wants you! Although I'm glad you're not into it because I'd get mighty jealous watching you touch my sweetheart with your disgusting, dead-person's tongue.
Hal gets his power back but he's still a teeny tiny person that smells like he recently passed through an adorable colon. So instead of fighting Locus, he decides to run. Which doesn't go over too well with my baby.
You know, Locus, I'm kind of on Hal's side in his decision to leave. You are the one that refused to let him hang out with his best friend by murdering his best friend in the most grisly way possible. This break-up is kind of on you, hon.
Now that I've had time to think it over, you were right to keep Hal from Barry, Locus! You were also correct in your decision to kill Hal. That was a very good decision, Locus. Very good! You always do the right thing, don't you Locus? Yep! Locus always knows what's best, doesn't she?!
Back at Cadmus, Barry Allen is resurrected inside the body of another volunteer. He also gets to keep his memories of his previous resurrection. So basically the Justice League are playing a reality video game which allows them to respawn with their memories intact after they've been killed. And it appears Cadmus has more DNA samples than just the Big Five.
I bet somebody "accidentally" misplaced the Aquaman DNA.