Ha ha! Throw the book at him! Throw all the books at him!
Although the men aren't getting off much better. Tim Drake is a selfish, arrogant asshole that won't even let his teammates know who he is. He says it's to protect Batman's identity but Batman isn't really trying too hard to keep that secret himself. I think Tim just knows that one day he's going to betray them all by becoming a mastermind vampire from the future and he doesn't want any of them knowing his secrets. Superboy was killed off and replaced by an, if you can imagine it, even worse character. Kid Flash has been so annoying that I don't even care if he's killed off. At least Bunker escaped this mess. Maybe that's why Skitters left so early. It wasn't that she was useless; it's that she had some motherfucking pride. Good for her!
Only four issues left until I don't have to read this garbage anymore!
Scott Lobdell pisses me off right from the beginning when he begins: "The Echo Station...somewhen in the late 30th century." Somewhen. So fucking clever, Mr. Lobdell. As if the word "sometime" doesn't actually exist or the word "somewhere" is just too conventional since this is a time travel story and you have to make some kind of reference to the heroes of the story being out of time. Oh! That's another joke you can use! When Kid Flash is sentenced, somebody can say, "Well, I guess we're out of time!" And they can wink and elbow nudge Wonder Girl in the ribs when they say it. Although it's hard to see a wink from behind the Red Robin mask.
We're still on Page One and Lobdell is pissing me off again.
I hope Page Two is written better!
Man, that's why I always get hurt! I believe in people too much. I expect the best out of everybody! I think everyone is going to be smart and kind and considerate and avoid taking advantage of others! And the next thing I know, I'm waking up groggily in a bathtub full of ice with one kidney missing and ejaculate drying on my face. Again!
Goddammit. I have to put another quarter in my Judd Winick jar. Be right back.
Oh! Oh! Page Two explains one horrible part of Page One but doesn't help at all with making the concessions I made more believable. Although it also causes more trouble as Superboy skids in the frictionless space of space.
In space, no one can hear you interrobang.
As an ECHO spaceship comes along and blasts Superboy before asking him to declare his allegiance (fucking cops, amirite?), Superboy thinks about how he's dying because his human DNA is totally into segregation and thinks his Kryptonian DNA should not be stranding in the same chromosomes. Superboy thinks, "I'm dying." Really? Are you? I mean, I know that's the whole reason for Kal-el's previous existence. He was to help figure out a way to keep Joke-el alive. But by this time, Joke-el has been living for at least twenty years (from 2014 to 2034) without any harm. He seemed healthy enough then to kill most of the superheroes on Earth. But now he's dying again. Sure. Okay. I'll go with that. If I have to.
Back in the courtroom with the gaping hole in the roof that doesn't seem to be a problem anymore even though the vacuum of space is falling in and getting on everything, The Teen Titans battle to stop the battle. It's a thing! "Using violence to end violence!" It's The Green Lantern Corps Motto!
As plans go, this one was really fucking stupid because why would all the politicians come to his trial? Have they lost the ability to stream video live in the 30th Century?
The next ridiculous moment in a big skullpile of ridiculous moments in a story ravaged by starvation and disease is when Kid Flash wraps up Wonder Girl with her magic lasso and tells her, "I don't want to hurt any of you." No, that's why you ended last issue telling your men to kill them along with everybody else.
Scott Lobdell, can I pull you aside for a moment? Can I give you a bit of advice? I don't know where you heard that comic book readers can't remember anything that has happened in previous months but it's not true. And even if it were, you realize these stories will be collected in a Trade Paperback, right? So fans will be reading these stories in one sitting and they're just going to be confused by the way characters believe different things every twenty pages or so. Or how something that was happening previously no longer is happening. Or how Skitters just disappeared when you realized she was fucking useless on a super hero team. She might be interesting in her own title. But don't expect her to be ready to save anybody at the drop of a bank robbery. I imagine a lot of these inconsistencies are fixed up a bit in the Trades. Shit, that must be a lot of work to edit your stories and get them ready for a collection.
Here's Scott Lobdell continuing to write poorly.
How about we chalk up this defeat to Kid Flash subconsciously wanting to be stopped by Solstice? Does that work? Okay. Let's move on.
Since when did Red Robin start wearing a "T" on his shoulder? Does it stand for Tim?!
Brain 3 and Red Robin have a philosophical discussion about civilization and the rule of law as they kick the opposition in the teeth. There's your law, Red Robin. Might makes right. You're just proving it by kicking ass to get them to listen to you.
Meanwhile, Joke-el kidnaps Kid Flash and takes him into space. Instead of throwing him into the sun like he did with the others, he talks long enough for a monster ship to appear out of thin air. Bart gives us a little history on this ship: it was built with one purpose and that is annihilation. Why not omnidestruction? I would have gone with omnidestruction. Definitely. And piloting the ship is Bart's sister who is working with the Functionary to stop Kid Flash and his rebels.
For once, Superboy and I have the same thought: "You're welcome to try!"
The next day, Bart once more goes back on trial and is sentenced to a life of hard labor. And Red Robin swallows his tongue and screams, "What?! Justice is working against what I want?! How can that be? It must be injustice! We must free Bart!"
Red Robin, you're a fucking dick. Apparently the better way to end this whole conflict was really just your way to end this whole conflict. Bart's a treasonous murderer but screw punishment! Red Robin says he should go free!
Solstice decides she can't live without Bart so she murders one of the judges so that she will be sent to the hard labor planet with him. Jesus! She doesn't even know if it's a co-ed prison planet! She's just going to wind up imprisoned somewhere else instead. No, no. Red Robin won't let that happen. He'll make sure everybody gets back to the present and they'll just forget about all the murders because how can you be convicted of murder when the person you have supposedly murdered hasn't even been born yet?
Teen Titans #28 Rating: Fuck this comic book.