Sunday, March 30, 2014

Superior Foes of Spider-Man #10

Spider-Man! Spider-Man! He lives in a garbage can! Spins a web every night! He's strong to the finish because he's the Spider-Man!

This comic book came out two weeks in a row! What the fuck is that about?! Well, as I begin to read it, I kind of begin to get what the fuck it is all about! Last issue concentrated on Captain Boomerang as he dealt with all of the criminals he's pissed off. As he was getting one Criminal Overlord that wanted him dead pissed off at another Criminal Overlord that wanted him dead, he ran into three other members of the Sinister Six driving around in a school bus loaded with children. It looks like this comic book is going to be about how those guys got themselves into that situation and should end with them picking up Boomerang. Which is kind of cool that these two issues came out right on top of each other since the stories are running parallel.

This issue begins with Overdrive, Speed Demon, and Beetle telling stories about the biggest jerko heroes they ever bested in combat. The first to go is Overdrive as he tells a story about getting one over on Hercules.

Does Hercules always sound this idiotic or is this because he's basically being written by Overdrive? I hope he's always like this! I like it!

Overdrive runs but Hercules eventually catches up. But he doesn't recognize Overdrive because Overdrive has put on a helmet by then. So Hercules, being a big dumb lummox, just asks him if he saw a villain run by. Overdrive points the way and story over!

That story doesn't really make Overdrive seem brave or heroic so I'm willing to bet it's all true! Hercules is an idiot!

This is why Superman doesn't get enough credit for how hard his job is. He probably gets his ass beat 90% of the time because he's going easy on a new villain, pulling his punches because he doesn't want to kill the guy. Meanwhile the villain is going gangbusters all over Superman's face. And just because the villain is super strong, it doesn't mean the villain is invulnerable! So Superman has to steadily increase the power of his punches little by little as he takes a serious beating! Every day Superman is walking a tightrope between getting killed and winding up in jail for manslaughter.

Next, Beetle tells her story about how she beat Daredevil! Her story takes place in court as she went toe to toe with blind Matt Murdock! And since there were rumors that he was Daredevil, she kept trying to trick him into revealing that he had some kind of super senses. But when everything she tried failed, she decided to call in a favor and have The Looter cause a ruckus outside of the courtroom.

Stupid Murdock! Your most important job is putting the criminals away after the criminals have been captured! Jerko!

Lastly, Speed Demon tells his fantastically amazing story about when he beat Spider-Man! Or a different time when he came out on top over The Thing! Or when he iced The X-Men! Or how he cleaned The Avenger's clocks! But his best story was how he got revenge on Hercules for sucker punching him!

Didn't Hercules get the clap from one of his twelve labors? Something about the Stygian Bull? Or Stymphalian Birds? It sounds like you can get clap from those!

Of course that's Hercules walking into the bar bringing the gift of battle. It ends there because do we really need to see these poor guys get their asses beat by Hercules? And by poor guys I mean Beetle and Overdrive since Speed Demon, as usual, runs away instantly.

Even without Nick Spencer writing, this comic wins most whimsical of the week! That's a new award I just decided to give out this week and will forget all about next week! On a positive note, this was the last comic book from the batch delivered on March 19th. So now I only have the comic books that came out last Wednesday! I'm very nearly caught up again! I'd high five all the readers if all of my readers were less than five years old. Otherwise I'd have to high five you and then judge you for being old enough to know better.

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