Trigon and his entire family, including Lobdell's version of Raven, make any comic book in which they appear 300% worse. Hashtag I did the math.
I do like that things are being tagged so they're easy to find if you're looking for something particular. But is anybody really going on Twitter and looking up Hashtag Barista Problems? Or has Hashtag Circumcision Won't Stop Bleeding really proved useful to anybody? Although if you really want to fall into a deep, dark despair of bitter anger and disappointment with the world, just go on Twitter and search out the #SorryNotSorry or #NotaRacist tags. Whee.
None of that has anything to do with The Phantom Stranger although the title is an anagram for Hashtag NPR Ottermen. Is their a liberal conspiracy to replace the human race with Ottermen? If there is, I just discovered it.
This issue begins with the resolution to The Phantom Stranger's encounter with The Spectre last issue. Basically it doesn't come to much more than Chris the Redeemer giving The Phantom Stranger and Cassandra Craft some kind of gift, a vision of their past and future connected. Maybe Cassandra Craft is Mary Magdalene? Anyway, after that nonsense with Chris, Dog, and the Spectre (nonsense that feels like a pilot for another project secreted safely within this issue to set the stage for a monthly Spectre comic) is finished, everybody heads to Las Vegas to meet up with Trigon's sons.
Her psychic eyes don't seem to notice that her tits are falling out of her shirt.
The mini-Trinity of Sin (fuck The Question! If he isn't going to take part in these crossovers, he can go fuck himself. Cassandra Craft should get the job) makes their way up to the 13th Floor (you know, where evil and ghostly shenanigans always take place) to meet with Trigon's sons and ask them to help save the world. Because without the world, where are they going to find souls to gamble with?
As debauched devils and sons of the Universe's Greatest Rapist, their sexual desires seem pretty vanilla. They're demons. Why are they sticking to just females? And humanoids? And animate objects?
Here's an aside for people reading this that keep thinking, "Why the hell does Tess keep talking about comic books? Get to the boring, mundane shit about real life!" It's 9:20 AM in the morning and I just received a package of chocolate from Germany. Okay, the Non-Certified Spouse actually did. But I answered the door where the old timey DHL delivery guy was busy covering the package with a garbage can lid to protect it from the rain! Also last night, I laughed Sierra Mist out of both nostrils. It was refreshing!
Once again, a bunch of arrogant prick asshole losers need to be convinced that The Crime Syndicate is bad for business. You'd think people would notice this kind of thing. I guess I'm just too optimistic about the intelligence of people (and rapey demons). Why would any evil or amoral person think, "Hey! More evil and amoral people! They're just like me! We'll probably get along great!" Well, if you're one of those evil and amoral people (like me!), you'll understand the flaw in that logic. If you're a goody-two shoes ratfink jerkoff, you might think, "I love being around people like me! Why wouldn't evil people like being around other evil people?" I don't know. Because community doesn't work when you're setting your neighbor's house on fire and coveting his wife's ass? Pretty much every evil jerk in the DC Universe that had any aspirations to live life by their own free will should be against The Crime Syndicate. I can understand losers like Giganta or Blockbuster or Copperhead following them. But
Why would The Stranger ask these guys for help when he already knew what they would ask in payment and he wasn't ready to give up the coins? I bet that's why this story is called "The Gamble"! Because there's a secret part to this plan!
Belial decides to help The Phantom Stranger because he's obviously OG if he can wear that necklace without breaking down like a little bitch the way Belial just did.
The Phantom Stranger #17 Rating: No change. I can't think of a reason Cassandra would be connected to The Phantom Stranger unless she's somehow Magdalene. Who else could she be? Oh! Jesus himself! Except Chris the Babysitter is the Jesus figure in this story. But The Phantom Stranger didn't fall in love with him, so he's not actually Jesus. Just a divine substitute! Cassandra Craft could be Jesus though! Would J.M. Dematteis write Judas/Jesus Slash Fiction for a major comic book company? I would!
Here are Cabbage Patch Batman and Robin showing off half of the German Chocolate delivered today.