Ms. Marvel #2

Like is that the most adorable thing you've ever almost seen but then the lighting was all wrong?

I guess I'm supposed to write one of these things every month? I guess I can keep that up as long as they continue to be interesting? I can barely remember what happened last time? My cousin Grunion Guy said I should read what I wrote a couple months ago so I remember what was happening but who likes to read their own writing? I'm so embarrassed seeing the things I said even just two months ago? Like I was probably raving about Chris back then but he turned out to be so gross, you know? Like he was caught trying to take upskirt pictures of the lunch lady? I know, right? Like what a flurbin' perv? Although, I do have to like say that our lunch lady is stunning? And she does have bare calves poking out from underneath that long white cooking robe she has to wear? But did Chris actually think she like has nothing on underneath that? I'm sure she at least has some big granny panties on! She's like way old, like nearly thirty. It's so disgusting that the guys think she's hot? I think they jizz in their pants whenever she reaches out with a big greasy corn dog in her admittedly dainty hands? What do they think? Some old lady like that is going to be into teenagers? Ugh. The boys in my class are so disgusting.

One of them saw me reading Ms. Marvel #1 a few weeks ago and he must have thought that meant he could talk to me? Ew. I talk to boys! Boys don't talk to me! I'll like let you know if we're going to have a meaningful conversation? You know how? Because I'll walk up to you and you'll be speechless and then I'll say, "Hey." And you'll say, "Hey." And then we can talk about, like, stuff? But don't say "hey" to me first and invade my space and make me all uncomfortable, you got that?! Step off, boys. You don't get to decide who you like! You wait patiently and us girls will tell you!

So forget boys. They're mostly jerks anyway? I can understand why a teenaged girl would like a thirty year old man because that man isn't one of these nasty, annoying, smelly boys? But if that man liked the girl back, that would be creepy, so who would want to like an old man like that anyway? I think I'll just concentrate on this comic book because even though Chris turned out to be a pervert and he laughs at stupid jokes and he and his friends belch and play too much basketball, I still kind of want to know what his mouth tastes like? I'm such a slut!

Okay! The comic book! Um, Kamala had gone to a party with boys because she's got that same ambivalent feeling about them? You know that feeling? I just described it! It's where you're head and stomach are going, "Ugh. They make me want to throw up." But your lower back and lower stomach and the sweaty areas along the sides of your upper torso just under your armpits are saying, "Why does looking at the tips of his fingers make us feel so dizzy?!" But Kamala fled that party because Zoe Zimmer and her boyfriend were acting like entitled jerks? And then apparently some thing called a Terrigen Bomb hit? I don't know what that is? Is it a comic book thing? It turned Kamala into a white girl in a mini skirt when she wished to be like everybody else?

Now her skin can't decide what color it wants to be?

I know a little bit about some comic book super heroes? Like Ms. Marvel is a lot like Captain Marvel because they both have Lightning Bolt Branding, they both have the word "Marvel" in their names, and they both turn into practically an entirely different person when they transform? At least Kamala turned into a different woman and not a different boy? Although, I wonder what it would be like to suddenly have a penis? It would be interesting to examine one close up while not attached to the raging ball of sex lust boy that it would normally be attached to? If I had a penis, I'd probably just stare at it all day long? Does staring at your own penis cause it to become erect? I know when I...whoa whoa whoa. This isn't some pervy voyeur secret sex blog! I probably shouldn't talk about that thing I was just going to talk about? Probably just old men reading this anyway and hoping for some sexy insights into my sexy hot home life! Gross!

Although penises are kind of an interesting topic? Some guys talk about erections like they're totally embarrassing things but it's actually intriguing and a little bit exciting to see one through a guy's jeans? From afar, of course! I don't want a guy I'm talking to to suddenly begin pitching a pup tent? And at the Junior Christmas Dance, I felt a number of them against my leg and the guys didn't seem to be embarrassed? I just pretended I didn't notice because it was kind of nice feeling that while also knowing that we were in a crowded room so the guy wasn't going to think we were engaging in foreplay? Maybe I should stop talking sex talk?

I wonder what Chris's penis is doing right now? Such a slut!

Oh! I know that song! That blind guy Stephen Wonderful sings it!

I think I remember the lyrics to the song! "No New Years Day! To celebrate! No chocolate covered raisinettes to give away! No Easter Dance! No warm romance! Not even reruns of Scooby Doo to waste the day!" Or something?

That person singing that song is Zoe Zimmer's football boyfriend? They must be drunk from the alcohol at the party or the Terrigen Gas. Kamala begins to discover that she's kind of in control of the bodily transformations she's undergoing? I wish we were all so lucky!

Zoe falls in the river and almost drowns but Kamala, as Ms. Marvel, rushes to her rescue? It looks like her new super powers allow her to transform her body purely by thought? So she changes into a white girl when she feels uncomfortable and wishes she fit in better? And she shrinks when she feels beyond notice? And her right hand because ginormous when she feels like slapping the fuck out of death and saving her Fremesis Zoe Zimmer?

Better to slap a bitch with, amirite?!

Kamala heads home and sneaks back in but her brother sort of catches her? But since she has the power to shapeshift now, she winds up looking like herself although she's still wearing the disgusting sweater she borrowed from a homeless person? Not that that gives her away anyway-Z since her parents already knew she snuck out? And now she's in big trouble because her parents probably assume she was having sex with a boy but they'll deny the possibility that she actually had sex with a boy while still getting ulcers from the belief that it was possible that she was having sex with a boy? Why is it that's the worst fear parents seem to have about their daughters? That they're out having sex with a boy? Probably only parents that haven't taught their daughters about contraception feel that way? Because that's kind of a scary thought, right? Getting pregnant? Ugh. Gross. Life over! But would parents be this weirded out about their daughter having sex if pregnancy wasn't an issue? Why is being female and banging such a scary proposition for some people?! I really don't know the answer to that because I'm a total slut! Ha ha, not really. But even if I was, nobody else is allowed to care but me anyway, right? So get out of my personal space, people! Also, my personal space is not a euphemism for my vagina, you pervs!

Anyway-Z, Kamala is now grounded for-practically-ever. So how is she going to do her super-heroing next issue?!