Red Hood and the Outlaws #28

My guess as to their getaway (seeing as how it was advertised as the worst place on Earth) is Cleveland.

Having never been to Cleveland, it's probably pretty ignorant of me to declare it as the worst place on Earth. But I'm just going by the fact that they had a football team named The Cleveland Browns (and continue to have after although it's different somehow which is too bad because they were kind of exciting for a moment when they were sort of The Ravens). They named the team after the coach because nothing else about Cleveland was fit to be a public mascot. Unless they named the team the Browns because when a tourist steps into downtown Cleveland, they get an intense feeling of brownness. Also, according to Princess Wikipedia, they might have named it for some other reason that sounds like a really fishy retcon by a bunch of people that don't want to admit that they chose the most boring name for a football team ever. It seems the town first voted to name the team the Panthers but were overruled by the owner for possibly legal reasons and they just sat back and took it when the owner declared the name would be The Browns. I'm really starting to feel like my original ignorant position on Cleveland's awfulness is now rooted in reason and rationality! Even if just a teeny, tiny portion!

Don't they also have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland? That's the worst. Who goes into rock to be honored in a museum? I know all the young people in bands I ever met always stared dreamy eyed into their beers while sighing, "One day, I hope to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It's all I dream about." Every rocker that has appeared at their induction ceremony is dead to me! Every. Single. One.

I'm sure I must have some reader from Cleveland reading my words and nodding vigorously! I can't help but think I'm right about Cleveland because I thought it and my mind must have reached that conclusion for some reason!

The first page of this issue declares it is taking place in Gotham City. But that's just the first page! This might just be a story teaser! Gotham City can't be the worst place in the DC Universe! Especially this month when it's actually the best place in the DC Universe! GOTHTOPIA!

Well, I think I'll take the fantasy if the reality is such a fucking dick.

I really thought The Joker had killed Isabel but I guess I was wrong. Me? Wrong? Does that mean I might be misjudging Cleveland? No, no. Let's not get crazy! I can't begin living my life second guessing all of my ignorant assumptions!

So this guy Jonathan is one of those characters that comes along in a television show or story and is so perceptive that he can just skewer another character to the wall with their perceptiveness and instinct for a person's psychological inner turmoil. Just like how in the later seasons of House, some family member of a patient would always come along and tell Dr. House exactly what was wrong with him so that House would be dumbfounded by the truth he had been hiding from himself. Too bad Jonathan sounds like a douchey buttnugget when he makes his wildly accurate generalization. Isabel is never going to call his ass again.

When Isabel enters her apartment, she discovers some horrifying robots with Joker-like smiles painted on them. They turn out to be a means for Jason Todd to communicate with Isabel and invite her to an island in the Mediterranean called Elysium. How big of a fucking asshole is Jason Todd? After what Isabel went through with The Joker, why the fuck do you send robots that look like they have Joker faces painted on them? Fuck that shit. If I were Isabel, I'd chase down after Jonathan and bang him in the elevator immediately. He's suddenly the most charming guy in the world! Or at least more charming than the one guy Isabel really wants to fuck.

It still makes no sense that The Joker was able to find Isabel without knowing Red Hood's secret identity. I'm never going to forget all the mistakes you made, Scott Lobdell.

Twelve hours later, Isabel is on the island with Jason Todd and his friends. They're also being attacked by a bunch of armored soldiers. But the weirdest part is that Isabel is still wearing the same dress she was wearing when she went out with Jonathan. Are you kidding me? Like she wouldn't take the time to change before heading to the airport? Even if the Joker Robots told her she had only minutes to catch a plane, I don't believe she would head out in the same dress she just wore on a date with a pathetic loser. You got to change that shit up! Especially the underwear. She wasn't going to fuck Jonathan so she'd definitely have on a not a chance in hell will hanky panky be happening pair of undies. Although I guess that might be all she changed. It's not like I've been privy to any crotch shots so far.

Shouldn't Isabel's reaction be, "Who the fuck are you and why are you mashing your enormous tits against me?"

As I read about these characters interacting in a currently non-blood soaked setting, I can't help but dislike them simply because of their past Lobdellian history! I just can't get past my hatred for Roy Harper because Lobdell wrote him so fucking poorly and annoyingly for the past two years! I look at him and my gut wrenches and my anal sphincter buckles. Reading his dialogue is like trying to force sour milk down my throat! And yet I feel like this might actually be fairly enjoyable if I wasn't completely biased and my entire experience utterly tainted by Lobdell, Supreme Purveyor of Shit.

Maybe I need to do a little meditating to cleanse my mind. Chant a little "Lobdell is gone" over and over to help cleanse my psyche. Can I ever see Roy Harper without the baggage? I'm going to try. I really want to try. It's not like he's Condor, right? People used to like this guy! I mean, not when he was Speedy, of course! Hopefully he'll say something truly funny by the end of this book and I'll hear it in Roy Harper's voice instead of Old Man Lobdell's.

At first I figured Midas was overreacting and agreed with his henchman about it being a coincidence (because it is!). But Midas makes a good point about what Todd did to Suzie Su. Better to be safe than shot in the head after losing everything you've (illegally) worked for.

Midas makes a preemptive strike on Jason and his friends while they're just trying to dance. Isabel is probably going to be a bit upset by this. Intergalactic wars, insane clowns, international crime syndicates. These are the kinds of things she doesn't want in a relationship. Jonathan is looking better all the time. Unless she meets anybody else in Gotham. Then Jonathan is probably right out as well.

And so the big battle begins! ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

Poor effort, Roy. Still don't like you.

Roy defeats this one guy with a coat check receipt and probably some others with other ordinary household items. Starfire blasts some with starbolts. Red Hood cuts a few in half with his flaming swords from nowhere. And Isabel is given a Space Gun from her previous adventure and blasts a few soldiers into dust. I'm sure some great music is playing during the battle just like that time Hit Girl murdered a bunch of drug addicts while The Banana Splits Theme played. But this is a comic book, so I can't tell what it was. Here, let's let my iTunes decide. The battle took place while "Leavin's Not the Only Way To Go" from the Big River Soundtrack was playing. iTunes, you're not very good at scoring fight scenes.

Luckily Midas's soldiers are cyborgs, so Isabel is only a half-murderer once the battle ends. Midas flees to Island One where his real army is located. This was merely Island Seven! But Jason Todd isn't going to let him get away with ruining his vacation! He's going to find Midas and bring him to justice! That's a euphemism for bringing him to a state of deadness.

Isabel decides she's had enough of this bullshit even though Jason Todd makes her squishy in her lower quadrants. That's how robots write about human romance in their Human Romance Novels they enjoy reading. So Isabel heads back to Gotham to find that puke, Jonathan, and tell him that she's ready to try on his face.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #28 Rating: No change. It was decent and way better than it was when Lobdell was writing it. But it still hasn't quite made me a fan. Tynion's got a lot of work to do to make me forget the horrible acts this comic book has perpetrated on my delicate psyche.