Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Stormwatch #3

I bet Merlin did!

First off, let me say that Merlin began Stormwatch. I only noticed this because I happened to scan and post just the right picture from Demon Knights #4. Then I was rereading my entry after having read the first two Stormwatch comics. And having had that flashback connection to Demon Knights and then seeing that Adam One also lived backwards like Merlin, it all came together. It was only after I noticed this that it sank in that Paul Cornell was writing both comics and so the tie in makes a lot of sense. Even though I spend an hour to an hour and a half reading and writing about each comic, I still miss some major things going on. So. On to Issue Three.

You mean if only you could see! Because fucking Martian Manhunter is standing right behind you with his peanut butter in Hawksmoor's chocolate!

The next page shows what is going on inside Jack Hawksmoor's head and I sort of wish it hadn't. It shows Jack sitting cross-legged drinking a cup of tea with the personifications of Paris, Metropolis, and Gotham speaking with him. I wish it were the other way. I wish Jack would become like a city! And he'd overlay his map or his skyline or his architecture and sewers and parks over the other cities' maps or skylines or whatever I said. And then they'd communicate by honking and creaking and birds chirping and people screaming and litter fluttering by and motorcycle crashes and domestic violences and maybe two people waking up in the morning, one from Jack's city and one from Metropolis, and they end up having incredible morning sex as the cities overlap and all the communication Jack and the city need comes screaming out of the woman as she climaxes.

That's what Warren Ellis would have done. Or at least, that's what I would have done!

Harry also transferred all of the creature's knowledge to himself before killing it.

Meanwhile, on the moon, Harry Tanner reveals his real super power! Lying! Here's a quick list of Stormwatch's members and their powers:

Adam One: Immortal. Other things too, probably. Weakness: Arrogant.
Martian Manhunter: Telepath, Shapechanger. Weakness: Flammable.
Jack Hawksmoor: Master of Urban Development. Weakness: Farms.
Projectionist: Manipulate Media, Tapped into all media all the time. Weakness: Tapped into all media, all the time.
Harry Tanner: Lying, Swashbuckling. Weakness: Probably that whole crying wolf thing.
Jenny Quantum: The power of the 21st Century (mostly still unknown!). Weakness: She's just a stupid kid!
The Engineer: Nanotechnology and merging with electronics. Weakness: Harry Tanner.

How do you handle being in a relationship with someone who has the superpower to lie?

Apollo heads into space to destroy the moon rock assault and Midnighter sticks with the rest of Stormwatch as they head out to Colorado to deal with the one alien creature that landed. It's in the middle of nowhere but Jack was assured by Gotham and Metropolis and Paris that it landed on the site of an ancient city. Jack is going to tap into that ancient and mad city (Gotham said it was madder than Gotham was. So it's probably one of Lovecraft's cities) to help defeat the alien monster. The rest of Stormwatch just has to protect Jack.

Back in Stormwatch Headquarters, Projectionist is having incredible sex with Superman.

What? I didn't write that! I typed that Projectionist was fucking Superman all night long.

What the hell? Seriously! That's what Projectionist is doing! She's off changing all of the media to what she wants it to say so that nobody hears about the alien from any bloggers or phones or whatever. Okay. So she changes the content. But the person who put up the content is still going to know, right?! This Projectionist is making me think everything ever thought by a schizophrenic was true and the world was just changed and manipulated by Stormwatch right out from under them. Is that where madness comes from? I hate you, Stormwatch!

Back in the field in Colorado, things aren't going so well. Do they ever? Jack gets sucked underground by the Ancient Mad City, possibly Kadath. And then the rest of Stormwatch is absorbed into the weird alien while Midnighter stands around saying, "I told you so."

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