OMAC #2

The video for Teardrop is probably what Pro-Lifers think is really going on in the womb. At all stages. Forever.

It turns out OMAC no longer stands for One Man Army Corps. Probably because DC already had Men of War and who needs another military book, amirite? Unless Blackhawks counts. And speaking of Men of War (although I should save this for the Men of War post): does DC expect its readers to be anything but cynical about its reboot motivations when it cancels Men of War and replaces it with GI Combat? Oh look! The war book was cancelled due to low numbers. Maybe we should replace it with another war book! Then we can use all the stories we were going to do for Men of War in GI Combat! And people will buy it because it's a new title instead of that old title which sucked! I know there are more changes than that. But what's really happening is DC is changing one war book that didn't sell with another war book that will never sell as well as they want because they put JT Krul at the helm! Fuck. Really? Eat me, DC! You are so lucky I get 13 titles free each month or I would start beginning to possibly consider maybe not purchasing one of your 52 titles! Stupid suck ass JT Krul.

I would have called it the Overwhelming Military Ambiguity Container.

Oh yeah, returning to my previous thought, OMAC now stands for One Machine Attack Construct. Which sounds like he'll be beating the the hell out of tons of shit even more than when he was a One Man Army! It also sounds like Kevin has acquired a perfected version of the virus that the Suicide Squad had to stop. Sort of. A little bit. If you squint and kick yourself in the balls. Which I just did before having that thought. Am I the only person in the world who can't sit comfortably and correctly in an office chair? Generally I just squat in it like a [insert foreign type that squats a lot]. <--- Irishman?

As you can probably read in that panel I posted, Brother Eye thinks he's controlling Kevin. He's probably right. He can probably flip the OMAC switch any time he wants. Let me guess: Kevin is now going to wander the Earth like Carradine's character (my friend Ken via Instant Messenger: "Not sure how to spell it, but it's Quay Chang Cane" Close!) in Kung Fu or Bruce David Banner in The Hulk.

OMAC THE TELEVISION SERIES BY ME!
EPISODE ONE: Only Men Are Callous

Kevin Kho wanders through the Southwest. He ends up in Santa Fe wandering around a local artist fair. A man walks by a native themed pottery stand and scoffs! Kevin begins to feel weird. Brother Eye can't stand smugness! Kevin erupts into OMAC and smashes everything including the scoffer's skull! The police ride up on burros to arrest him but OMAC runs into an alley and changes back to Kevin. Kevin pouts about all the lives he's hurt but just as he's about to turn his back on the scene, he sees the pottery artist smile and hug her pot! He turns and walks away into the desert with sad music playing.

OMAC's origin story!

This issue, I learn that Cadmus is in Metropolis! And Checkmate makes its first actual appearance (I think) investigating OMAC's attack on Cadmus. That chick that looks like Jonni DC Continuity Cop in the above panel is a Checkmater. And Cadmus is a part of Checkmate. The only Checkmate comics I read were the ones that crossed over with Suicide Squad. I wasn't really interested in them but this following bit in OMAC makes them look about 15 percent more interesting than 20 years ago. That's pretty slow growth.

I guess I was wrong about them being a United States agency. Except I guess they are! They're just privatized, really!

After throwing his cell phone away in the desert because Brother Eye kept talking to him through it, Kevin Banner Caine walks into Wayne, Texas. How is he going to get home to Metropolis without a cell phone?! How is he going to take instagram pictures of his trip and post them to Twitter?! He's going to fall so far behind on his tumblr time wasting! This Kevin is in some serious trouble!

Kevin stops into a bar and ends up in the middle of this situation:

I would have gone with the name Rockest.

Oh, turns out the guy's name really is Rocker! His codename is Amazing Man and he worked for Checkmate before Cadmus gave him his rock man abilities.

No relation to this Amazing Man. As far as I know.

It looks like Brother Eye teleported OMAC into this little Texas town to capture Rocker. I think OMAC just turned into the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo and Pokemon as well as Kung Fu and The Hulk. Is OMAC going to be sent from place to place to capture escaped Cadmus projects? OMAC ends up throwing a building at him.

Well then maybe you should have sent a poet to capture him!

The Amazing Rocker Man absorbs stuff. So it just absorbs that building. But after OMAC literally punches his face off (yes, literally literally, not figuratively literally!), Rocker decides to absorb OMAC's power. Which is, of course, what Brother Eye wanted all along. Once Rocker is full of OMAC circuitry, Brother Eye uploads him into his satellite for later use. With the fight over, Brother Eye teleports OMAC to Metropolis. No, just kidding! He only teleports him to the bus station in Fort Worth. Kevin can find his own miserable way back home!

You know, after Brother Eye sends him on on another mission to Louisiana. Also, the last page big surprise reveal just makes the Reboot even more less of a reboot.

So he's back? Again again again? Again?

I was going to end there but needed an addendum. I just read all of Maxwell Lord's confusing history. In an off-hand way, I knew a bunch of it. Like how he killed Ted and how Wonder Woman broke his neck. But I hadn't known about all of the OMAC stuff he was involved in and how he ended up running Checkmate. So this comic makes a lot more sense as one of the titles of the New 52. And that nano-virus in Suicide Squad looks to actually have been this OMAC virus that Maxwell Lord tried to release on the world. Which is why Checkmate arrived at the scene after Suicide Squad killed everyone.

You know, you knowing a lot about the DC Universe really helps explain what is supposed to be some kind of reboot. I suppose just changing all the titles to Issue One was reboot enough. Why ditch all of the history?! Now I have to wonder about all the people who bitched and moaned about the reboot. Are they just sad that they aren't picking up Detective Comics #794?