Catwoman #5

Guillem couldn't manage to show Catwoman's boobs in this pose somehow? Comic Book Fail.

I haven't opened the comic book yet so I thought I'd make a guess at how Catwoman survives being launched way up into the sky. Since she has her whip, I'm guessing she'll pull an Indiana Jones and whip lasso a flag pole or something and swing to safety. I also asked my local comic book shop owner about the Teen Plus ratings and how he deals with them. He said that they don't ever card anybody but if it's obvious the kids are pretty young and they don't have parents with them, they won't sell them obviously adult titles, whether they have a rating or not. If parents are there, he'll point them over to the kid's comic section which separates new comics like Tiny Titans and Scooby Doo out from the mainstream new titles. He also mentioned that one of the things he's been disappointed with the New 52 is the lack of any titles he can suggest for new, young readers to get them into comic books. I think he's spot on. One of my major criticisms has been most of DC's new comics just don't have that fun factor which would really excite someone new to comics. It's been awhile since I read an issue, but maybe Justice League International might work. That one hasn't had any over-the-top violence that isn't super hero standard. And the raciest stuff in it is Godiva's flirting with Booster.

Guillem March does draw a sexy Catwoman.

Here's Catwoman falling looking to whip on to something. I know, it wasn't much of a grand prediction on my part. What else was she going to do? Learn to fly? She manages the feat with nothing worse than a dislocated shoulder (probably. Unless that complicates the story and then it's just sore) and a shitload of bruises as she swings onto an unfinished floor of the building at the construction site she's plummeted into.

Reach is still after her so she's still got some rabbits to pull out of her, um, cleavage? I don't know where she could possibly keep any rabbits in that tight fitting outfit! Maybe I should have used the aces and sleeves analogy instead.

I turn the page and get this:

I've also heard from a woman who'd had three kids that kidney stones hurt worse than childbirth as well. Or possibly as much. But she said the stones were worse because at least with childbirth, you knew the pain was going to be over soon. So how many other things hurt worse than childbirth? I'm starting to think having kids is a breeze, you whiny women folk!

So that's good! She did dislocate her shoulder. Now this comic in which a woman runs around in a cat suit and another one has electric anti-gravity powers and can fly and blast people into the air is realistic and I don't have to fanboi out and start ranting, "*snort* How can she fall at 32 feet per second per second, and have her fall arrested by just her skinny ass arm with no damage at all! It should have been ripped from her shoulder!" Although she did keep saying, "Go limp!" before the whip went taut. Plus Batman and Robin and Nightwing have probably done this move zillions of times before! It would be sexist not to have Catwoman accomplish it as well!

When Reach comes after Catwoman this time, Catwoman gets the jump on her. After popping her arm back into the socket while chewing on her glove so she doesn't give away her position while screaming with the pain of one thousand childbirths, she leaps out and kicks Reach's ass before Reach can use her Reach Around Powers. Catwoman leaves Reach unconscious and walks away with a bag full of drug dealer money.

Dirty cops? In Gotham?!

Turns out the bag full of money wasn't drug money at all but money from the Gotham City Police evidence vault that a bunch of dirty cops, including the Lieutenant, were trying to launder. Some detective named Alvarez has been linking robberies to Catwoman over the last few months but the Lieutenant keeps shutting him down and doesn't want to hear about it. Probably because dirty police fingerprints have been all over a good portion of those robberies. It also turns out there was $425,000 in the bag. Which makes Catwoman realize something really wrong was going down and maybe she should lie low for awhile.

But being Catwoman, why would she actually consider that? I mean, it's not like her best friend can get killed twice by acting stupid and careless!

"Yeah, and make sure as I get my massage, you splash champagne all over my back!"

Since the cash was marked with some super sensitive Spa Manager Suspicion-O Ink, Catwoman's use of it at the spa immediately gets her flagged and the Gotham Police alerted to her location. Then the less than subtle staff all vacate the room for an 'emergency meeting' and Catwoman's spider sense begins to tingle. So she quickly gets dressed and makes her way out the back alley and into this:

Whoops! And then...




Her getaway doesn't go quite as planned.

Catwoman suddenly realizes by the sheer amount of go-po-po after her that the money she stole must have been dirty Gotham police money. Go-po-po-mo! And that she's in big league trouble now!

So with all my bitching about DC Comics not being fun, here's one that is. And next I read Nightwing and it's been working its fun mojo as well. How can I praise Judd Winick? Swallow my pride and tell him, "Good job!" I can't! Fuck him! But Catwoman is a pretty fun comic book! So it gets +1 Rank for this issue.