Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Blue Beetle #3

Someone needs to rethink the Fairy Wings on Blue Beetle's costume.

CORRECTION (like a real journalist!): La Dama's Wolf Guy from last issue did not kick The Brotherhood of Evil's ass. In one panel, it just looked like he had the upper hand on Plasmus which is absolutely ridiculous in hand to hand combat. But then a few panels later, Wolf Guy is choked to death by Plasmus. If he wasn't actually killed, I guess I'll be issuing another correction or retraction next time.

I wish The Brain were fighting with the rest of The Brotherhood of Evil. Why doesn't The Brain get more action? Someone could rig up one of those chest baby carriers for The Brain and strap him onto the front of Monsieur Mallah! Then The Brain could talk really smart and literary and scientifically accurate trash at Blue Beetle as they fight! Maybe it's time to write a comic script to send to DC for rejection!

While Jaime has been getting to know the Alien Scarab, his parents have discovered that he's sneaked out of his bedroom to go to the party. They call Paco but Paco doesn't have any idea what the fuck just happened last issue since he was busy losing consciousness and being nearly killed. And back in Paris, Phobia, Plasmus, and Warp are getting their asses handed to them by some new boss that isn't The Brain but is off-panel, so nobody knows who he is at all!

While everyone else is freaking out, Jaime is having a discussion with the alien bug implanted into his spine. He learns the Scarab calls itself Khaji-Da, that it is alien in origin, that it can shut stupid yapping dogs up with a Hypersonic Gun and this:


Back at La Dama's casa, Brutale (Burlap Sack Head), Rompe-Huesos (Day of the Dead), and Coyote (Wolf Guy!) have returned. None of them are dead although they should all be. None of the thugs can add up what happened but La Dama gets it because she probably knows what the Scarab Relic she was after does. Which means she suspects Jaime is Blue Beetle.

The Hive People Space Lackeys arrive in Earth orbit and locate Khaji-Da. Since they cannot contact it wirelessly, they decide Khaji-Kai will contact him directly.

You know, it's amazing how many space vehicles can wind up in Earth orbit without anyone on Earth (scientist, astronomer, super hero, nerd with a telescope) noticing. Doesn't the JLA have a satellite in this continuity? Not only is Earth's orbit filled with space junk, now it's cluttered up with Peraxxus's ship and the Space Beetle's ship, and an unconscious Superman, and Brother Eye, and Simon Tycho's satellite fortress, and probably a lot more shit that I'm forgetting. And that's just in the first four issues of the New 52.

Jaime's family is freaking out because he's still missing even though he's just standing in his yard arguing with the space bug lodged in his spine. He can't get it to cooperate with him and remove the ridiculous blue bug suit it's covered him in.

Why not the Holy Grail and the Spear of Destiny as well?

La Dama is flipping out because she paid a lot of money for the bug but never received delivery. So she resorts to drastic magical measures (or dragical measures) to locate the Scarab.

Oh, okay. Now Coyote is dead. Also, she's saying, "Mekka lekka heigh mekka hiney ho."

So La Dama locates Blue Beetle. About the same time, Jaime manages to override the Scarab and force it to remove his armor. He's gaining more control over the Scarab while the Scarab is going to end up being his version of Skeets. How this relationship is going to work is beyond me since the Scarab's mission is to destroy the world and Jaime's mission is to finish high school. When Jaime takes back control, the Space Beetle Patrol notice and can't believe what they're seeing. A host taking control? Inconceivable!

It looks like all hell is about to break loose in Jaime's backyard since La Dama and the Space Beetle Patrol know Jaime's location. But, you know, what the hell. Let's throw in The Brotherhood of Evil and their new partner.

Wow. A metal monkey with a handheld Gatling gun.

I'm not sure I should be reading comic books. It's things like this that I can't stand but it's standard comic book fare. Final page reveal of the new big bad villain (I refuse to merely say Big Bad, okay? Good? We're five by five then?). Especially when it's supposed to be the new guy who will definitely get it done because he's the best in the fucking business who has never failed before ever! And then he's a robot monkey with a big gun. He alone is supposed to be better than Warp, Phobia, and Plasmus? The only way Warp, Phobia, and Plasmus couldn't take care of the thing that needs taking care of is if the writer doesn't want them too. They've got some really good powers to complement each other! They don't need a damn dirty robot ape with an attitude!

I'd really love it if Silverback was killed almost immediately next issue. Maybe if the Brotherhood of Evil had a bigger bank account, they could have hired Goldback or Platinumback instead! Amirite?

Overall, I like where this comic is going. I don't think it's one that I would continue to read if I wasn't doing this stupid project. But that isn't really an exclusive club! I think a lot of these titles will suffer a bit for at least the first year as they try to establish their place in the DCnU. They need some of their own history without relying on the past history with which new readers won't be familiar. And I think a lot of them could use a heaping tablespoon of fun and whimsy. Blue Beetle's got a lot more than some of the others and I still feel it could be more fun. That's the ingredient missing from a number of these titles: they just aren't fun. Maybe some are trying to be too serious. Serious has its place and its time. But intersperse it with fun and you'll have a comic people will want to pick up.

Also, keep the story chugging along. Don't fill up two out of your first four issues with overly long fight scenes that don't do anything except get the story from Point A to Point B where those points could have been connected by just a few pages. I'm looking at you, Supergirl!

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