Friday, March 9, 2012

Voodoo #1

According to the cover and the first page of Voodoo, this comic book is about a David Icke lizard woman stripper. And if you throw in the cover of Issue #2, she's also a menstruating federal agent!

She hasn't even started dancing and people are throwing five and ten dollar bills at her!

I guess I can believe guys are throwing more than dollar bills on stage. It's probably some fancy shmancy high end strip joint. But I don't believe this next panel.

There is no way this guy is fat enough to be a real strip club DJ.

This is DC's big comic aimed at women in their 52! It has a lot of really powerful images of a woman taking her clothes off while a DJ tells the men hypnotized by her that they want her and need to give her money. It's all done really classy! I think the definition of a classy woman is one that refuses to have sex with you in the men's restroom of the club where you just met her. The definition of a classy guy is one that acts like a douchebag and throws plenty of money around.

Two agents are sitting at the rail on the side of Voodoo's stage watching her strip. They guy is named Evans and the lady is named Fallon. Probably last names since Federal Agents only ever call each other by their last names. Fallon gets pissed off at Evans for enjoying keeping an eye on Voodoo while she dances. She should be pissed off that they're doing their job so poorly! Shouldn't they try to be inconspicuous? Bringing a female to the rail at a strip club is going to get you noticed by the dancer! They always ignore the men when a woman is ringside!

I think DC likes the long skinny panels so that they can show headless women with big boobs. They did this to Catwoman a lot in her own book!

Evans tries to get some information about Voodoo from the server. The server, like a big rookie chump, blabs that Voodoo has only been working the club for a few months, the guys at the military base love her, and that her real name is Priscilla. Someone fire that server immediately!

Oh, because the other names like Dominique, Krystal, Pandora, and Lilliputian are the real names of the less popular dancers.

Meanwhile, it's taken Fallon a full song to make her way out of the club. As she's leaving, she bumps into some young white boy in a hoodie, an attitude, and a bitterly disappointing childhood. Just because Fallon brushed by him, he thinks he needs to go intimidate her with his gang of underage oafs.

I sense a really painful disrespecting coming up in a few panels!

Whenever someone complains that they're being disrespected, it usually means they've been acting like an asshole and somebody else finally called them on it. And now the asshole has a legitimate reason (in his own dull head) to act out violently on the other person. People who think they deserve respect are assholes. ASSHOLES!


I'm glad all of the pictures I want to scan of Fallon outside the strip club are on the edges of my Big Book of #1s! Because when I check Google for pictures from the Voodoo comic book, they're all pictures of Voodoo stripping! Way to go, internet nerds!

Next we get a couple of scenes of eight strippers in the back room talking. And let's assume there's a stripper out on each stage right now. That's a lot of variety! The Voodoo Lounge really is a high end establishment! It's like the Metropolitan Opera of getting naked!

Seriously? No career strippers? No women living out their dreams? Poets? National Merit Scholars? That can't be right!

Here in Portland, we have a strip club called The Pitiful Princess. I wonder if the most popular dancer in that club gets the sobriquet Pitiful Princess!

Voodoo's name is Pris. So, obligatory reference to Blade Runner here.

Pris is either a Raccoon or a zombie from Zombie Nation.

Evans decides he wants a private dance from Voodoo. They go to a private room where she dances around in her underwear for a few pages. Evans questions her about her life which is always a bad idea! You don't want to know any real personal information from the naked woman you're paying to grind on you! But it doesn't matter because Evans ends up spilling all of his seeds. I mean beans.

He probably only told her all of this because she has limited telepathic abilities as well. Allegedly.

Evans also threatens to stick her with vivisection. Voodoo doesn't take too kindly to that and flips the fuck out.


After she kills Evans, she takes his phone, Federal Badge, and skin. She quits the club and walks off looking like Federal Agent Evans.

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