Monday, March 19, 2012

Static Shock #3

Does Virule have Triforce kneepads because his name rhymes with Hyrule?

Since the comic book repeated this panel from Issue 2, I will too!

Remember this was happening? Well then this started happening.

Does electricity cause Chia Pets to sprout faster?

Coming in to contact with Static gets Virule pregnant. That thought box of Static's is because he's turning off the Yellow Power Ranger's Magnet Jet Ski and timing it so that the Jet Ski crashes into Virule and knocks him away. It also causes a Virule to have a miscarriage. OF JUSTICE!

That baby isn't any uglier than all the other newborns I've seen.

Oh! I wonder if Virule began replicating due to Static's healing power which might have kicked in again because Virule smashed him in the previously severed arm which was still a little bit messed up. Maybe Static can transfer his healing power! And maybe Static made his sister's Doppelganger by kissing her boo-boo when she fell down roller skating! Or, you know, some other plausible scenario.

The Green and Blue Power Ranger have gotten their Jet Skis working again and join in the fight, as does the NYPD in a helicopter. And some typical comic action happens that gets everybody nowhere so Static goes home as the Power Rangers escape and the po-po mope about because they couldn't catch the flying black kid.

Static's sisters are still up and they both try to convince Static that the other one is the clone. It's sort of a silly argument to be having. I don't know how this extra Sharon was created but if she's somehow an exact copy, right down to all of her memories, then it doesn't matter which one is the 'real' Sharon. But if she's a clone that only has the memories since when it was created, then it should be real easy to figure out which one is the clone. Maybe there's some kind of carbon dating or radiation reading to tell which one has been around longer. How long has she been a part of the family? I wonder if we'll find out at all since Static Shock is only going for eight issues.

Back at school, Virgil finds out more about where the Power Rangers hang out because of the blabbiest new recruit ever. So later that night, Virgil heads on over to a club with this gossip gangbanger to see where the Power Rangers hang out.

I think Gossip Gangbanger should be a television show.

Let's go clubbin' and sit around with our weapons out!

Static heads up to the top floor of this club where the other two Power Rangers are stealing secrets from some company and trying to figure out Static's identity by checking the names of everyone who just moved from Dakota into New York City. As they're doing that, Static sneaks in and takes one of them out by frying her brain. I'm sure it's just a temporary outage.

Meanwhile, back at the Criminal Cartel's headquarters, Virule professes his love for Static.

I've been feeling that need since 12 years old!

Static forces the Power Rangers to meet up with him by kidnapping the Red Power Ranger whose brain he fried. At the meet, the Rangers realize Static doesn't know anything and then order Virule to shoot Static in the head. But Virule's lust keeps him from killing Static. Instead he barges in and attempts to rape Static while the other Power Rangers get away.

True love!

But Static has very strict dating policies.

Does he chop off the hands of all of his suitors who try to take him further than he's willing to go?

Static apparently doesn't understand the mating rituals of the Virule people because Static ends up blasting Virule with all of the power he's able to siphon from a nearby power plant. Which seems to reduce Virule to a fine green paste. But it actually impregnated him with the force of 1000 invading barbarian tribes.

This issue still wasn't great but it was far less boring than the first two issues. And it had a love story! I think I just don't like the character of Static Shock. Most of his dialogue consists of trash talk or aggrandizing his own abilities. I heard enough of that bullshit in junior high. I guess Static is in high school though, so it fits the character. At least it fits better than Green Arrow saying the same bullshit! But even if it fits, I just don't care about Static. No change in the ranking.

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