Legion Lost #1

The only thing I know about Legion is that Lobo spent a lot of time in that series.

The title for this issue is Present Tense. Can we all get over this grammar pun already? An issue of Red Hood and the Outlaws had the cover blurb, "Past Tense!" Seriously. Guys. It's been done to death. But I guess if I expect every line in a comic book to be an original thought, I wouldn't be reading very many comic books. And since I only have once series left to start after this, and it takes place in the future (Legion of Super-Heroes), I demand that the first story in that book be called Future Tense or I'm writing a letter of complaint to DC.

Legion has crashed their Time Bubble in our time while trying to head back to somewhere or something. But something went wrong because they had to help out some people in the 31st Century and it took them too long so somehow that messed up their time traveling plans because, um, you know, they couldn't time travel in time? This comic is already a fucking mess and I'm only three pages in!

So they've headed back in time to stop someone named Alastor from releasing a pathogen. But because they were delayed, it gave time for Alastor to release this pathogen. So fucking go back in time a little further and stop it from happening? Oh, is that not how time travel works? Are we going to make "the clock is always ticking in San Dimas" rule that makes no sense whatsoever? Like there's a needle sweeping across time and it's always moving and you can only change things that the needle hasn't reached yet? Which is obviously wrong since people coming from the future need to have had the needle pass by them for them to exist. Unless this Legion is only a possible Legion from a possibly future depending on what happens as the needle passes by! But then there should be an infinite number of Legions arriving at the same time!

If you're going to invoke Time Travel, keep your time travel consistent within your world. I hate the voluntary limits like someone can do something in the past before we can get back to stop them. You can always just go back a little further, douchebag. Lost (not to be confused with Legion Lost!) actually did time travel really well. As did the movie Primer.

Now, I'll believe that they can't go back in time to stop Alastor because something went wrong with their Time Bubble and they crashed at a point after Alastor released the pathogen. But don't make up some story about running late and not being able to stop him. That's just stupid.

Shut up shut up shut up!

Let me make excuses for Legion Lost so that I can live with it. The ability to go back in time is predicated on "Time Stops". These are like rest stops along a highway and they're the only moments where you can arrive when you go back in time. So to find this Alastor, they need to hit the same Time Stop that he used. Which means, um, he'll be arriving right there when they arrive! I can't even make up my own lies to fix what they're talking about!

Maybe you should have thought of that when you left the future for the past!

I like how this panel is meant to explain away their inability to go back in time further to stop the pathogen from being released! Look, idiots. If you didn't care about time paradoxes before this first trip, then you don't need to care about them for a second trip. Get the parts you need here at this time. Fix the Time Bubble. Go back in time three days. Avoid this area where you guys will be during this limited time! Voila! But since this guy, whoever he is, just casually says "Forget I asked", we can all now move on and put the idea of going further back in time to rest. It just wouldn't work! It's just not a possibility! OMG TIME TRAVEL IS THE HARDEST!

They collect Alastor and restrain him in the Time Bubble and decide to head back to the future, even though the pathogen has been released. I have no idea what this pathogen is. I have no idea why Alastor is so angry except that he mentions his sister was killed or allowed to die by humans. Alastor tried to kill everyone in the future and Legion stopped him so he went into the past to do it and seems to have succeeded. As Legion is trying to take him into the future, their Time Bubble explodes. Two of their members seem to have been disintegrated in the explosion. But Alastor is nowhere to be found. And Legion is now stuck in our present.

The other stupid explanation for their trouble with Time Travel is that the events of Flashpoint have made it more difficult. But that still doesn't explain their stupid inconsistencies within this story. Well, at least their Time Bubble is broken and they can't bitch and whine about time travel anymore! Although I know they will.