Thursday, January 8, 2015

The Spooky Files #2

The Spooky Files! Starring Moldy and Skulker!

I'm already feeling spooky just from this cover! Unless Jim Corrigan is palming the nun's pudenda. No wait. That's even spookier. I wish I could read this book with the lights off so I could get really scared but I don't want to go blind! Did you know you could go blind from reading in low levels of light? That's what my grandmother said and why would she lie to me? She loved me!

Did you know that Friday the 13th The Final Chapter (that's Part IV!) takes place the day after the third chapter which takes place the day after the second chapter which takes place five years after the first one? Which means that only the first and fourth parts, so far, take place in the year they were filmed. The other two take place in the future! And apparently only one, maybe two of them take place on Friday the 13th! I guess Jason Voorhees is one of those people that celebrate their birthday all week long.

Also, I knew that Corey Feldman was in The Final Chapter but I was surprised to see Crispin Hellion Glover in it! I'd completely forgotten about that. I like him a lot! He's a certified genius (certified by me and my money which I paid to go see him two nights in a row a few years ago and which also bought me three of his books). I bet you didn't know he has books! He has books! They're not what you'd expect though because you're boring and you expect boring things that bore me. Not you! I'm talking to that one person that I can't stand that's still fucking following me! You know you hate me and everything I say, so why are you still reading?!

Last issue, Internal Affairs of the Gotham Police Department were investigating The Spooky Files because they don't believe in general spookiness. They figured it had to be some kind of scam, running a department that was chasing ghosts and werewolves. But Sergeant Rook (unless he was a Lieutenant) learned at the end of the issue that spookiness is all around us! Especially when you wander out of a swamp and into a haunted schoolroom with possessed kids and demonic teachers! School was spooky enough with just cheerleaders and football players. I might have lost my mind completely if it was full of ghosts too!

You can tell this classroom is haunted because of the spooky lighting!

Rook begins evacuating the screaming children while Jim Corrigan prepares to fight the demon nun. Rook is new to the job so why does Corrigan give him the difficult task?!

Oh! Remember the spooky girls who only spoke in tongues? They start flipping the fuck out when Sister Justine, The Spooky Files' Resident Holy Person, enters the house to stick a tongue depressor on their souls. That sends her into a flashback or a reverie or a daydream about her past.

Her previous church was fucked up. I mean it was spooky! This comic book isn't rated mature enough to be called The Fucked Up Files.

Back in Slaughter Swamp, Rook has rescued all of the children except the monkey in the dunce cap. He should probably leave the monkey alone! I bet it's going to be trouble. At the very least, he might get splashed by demon brains when Jim Corrigan blows the creature's head off. Better to stay out in the swamp with the kids mumbling in tongues.

Jim Corrigan keeps resisting The Spectre's advances which means nobody's going to buy this comic book! They want to see great big green glow in the dark vengeance! They don't want to see Jim Corrigan playing MP3s of school bells which cause the Demon Teacher Nun to explode!

Actually, that was kind of cool. Not very spooky though. I would have been more scared if he did some kind of exorcism ritual with lots of Latin and lit candles and splashing holy water, come to think of it, that shit is over! We've seen the crap out of that crap. One of the reasons Constantine's television show has been so boring is because he just recites Latin whenever he needs to beat back the forces of darkness. He should be using ghost busting phone apps!

Oh Rook! Stop being so Dana! "Oh, oh! There's a logical explanation! Silly to think aliens! Probably more like, um, bears!"

Now that all the missing children have been accounted for, Corrigan and his team need to figure out what's going on. Why are the kids still speaking a language that nobody can identify? What kind of possession is taking over religious figures? Why is Gotham constantly generating more and more spooky content?

Next issue, the investigation gets serious! Seriously spooky!

Gotham By Midnight #2 Rating: No change. I love the look of this comic book. I enjoy the dialogue. And I'm loving the setting of a small department barely getting by in the bureaucracy of the Gotham Police Department. It really is a mix of The Wire and The X-Files. And just like those shows, I think it's going to take a few more issues before things really get rolling and nobody will be able to put this thing down. At least those are my hopes and aspirations for this title. I hope it hasn't been cancelled already!

No comments:

Post a Comment