Reincarnated cyborg Alec Holland looks like early 80s post-punk new wave John Constantine.
What's that? How does Jesus know about Mohammed? You want me to give away the entire plot of my book? No fucking way! Although I will say this: it's the best fucking post-apocalyptic, coming-of-age, college-road-trip time travel story ever written!
I've probably said too much! Nobody steal that synopsis to describe the novel you're working on to people whose pants you're trying to get into!
The issue begins with Swamp Thing battling Machines all over the Earth while Lady Machine and Anton Arcane reanimate Alec Holland's corpse by having a three way fuck party on his bones.
I wonder if this works for cats?
Alec sends part of his consciousness off to battle Reanimated Alec Holland while the rest of him lays siege to The Machine's Arctic Fortress with Abby Arcane. I hope Swamp Thing got the right directions off of Mapquest or Superman is going to be pissed.
And now Abby is going to be pissed.
People who are angry also sound intelligent. It's like, "Whoa! Look at how much spit and passion are coming out of that person's face. What they are screaming about must be important. They must be smart enough to see something that I can't see which is driving them mad with rage." Sometimes I see a car with a bumper sticker on it that says, "If you aren't outraged then you aren't paying attention," and I think, "Geez. I really thought I was paying attention but I guess not!"
Once I thought I was really, really angry but it turned out that I was just wrong about what I was angry about and then had to apologize for yelling at a bunch of people. But I rarely ever see angry people apologizing for screaming at other people, so I guess they must all be correct in their anger. In fact, they're usually demanding that everybody else apologize for being part of the reason they're angry. I guess I should apologize now because I don't want anybody yelling at me! Sorry, hothead! I didn't mean to do that anger inducing thing! I guess I just wasn't paying close enough attention!
They're all sneaking off to pee in the green.
My mother used to say, "You have to hate somebody!" That was her justification for hating Arabs. I did not understand her anger at them. I don't believe she understood her anger at them either. That probably explains why her reason behind her anger seemed to be completely random, like she drew "Arabs" out of the Hat of Hate and just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Yeah, okay." Maybe picking someone or something to hate intensely makes life more vibrant in all of its other aspects. Maybe my mother sees flowers and thinks, "These are so beautiful because they are in danger of the filthy Arabs destroying them for eternity." Perhaps I should find something to hate?
I see you all desperately trying to be the first person to leave a comment that says, "But what about Scott Lobdell?!" Oh, you silly cretins. That is like a magic trick. It's like pulling the rabbit out of the hat. The rabbit was never actually in the hat to begin with! It's all sleight of hand and legerdemain (which is the same thing so I probably shouldn't have said them both) done to entertain the viewer! Although I probably shouldn't have pointed out it's a trick! Once the trick has been revealed, it loses its luster. Now nobody is going to be entertained by my rants against Scott Lobdell because they will say, "I know how this trick works. I know the secret of this trick very well."
Oh well. Maybe some day I will feel anger. Or I will be paying attention. Some day.
Chlorine! We need more chlorine!
Swamp Thing #38 Rating: No change. Once Charles Soule goes over to Marvel for good, he should begin writing Man-Thing! He does like writing about big green monsters! I didn't mean to insult She-Hulk even though it's a valid description of her.