Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Arkham Manor #3


I feel ya, Bats!

Friends Update!

Last issue, Jack "The Batman *wink, wink*" Shaw completely failed to solve the Mystery of the Man with the Hole in His Head. But then, Jack Shaw is no Batman *wink wink*!

Now Jack Shaw has a concussion and has been told he must spend the night in the infirmary. Jack Shaw says, "What's an influrmtury?" The doctor says, "Just relax. You took a nasty blow to the head!" And Jack Shaw says, "I'm Batman!" And the doctor says, "Oh, ha ha! You mentally ill people that I secretly call cuckoo wackos behind your backs sure do make me laugh with your insane antics that are mostly fun loving until somebody gets Joker gassed." Then he locks up Jack Shaw in the infirmary.

Just kidding! That was all just the doctor's dream sequence after Jack Shaw knocked him out and stole his clothing so he could go search for clues without being interrupted by regular people just trying to do their jobs who he would have to hurt pretty badly in service to solving his mystery.

This issue is called "Cold Comfort" and it takes place before Batman #36. And I think Batman #36 takes place after the events of Batman Eternal. So this comic book is in the future! Or maybe it's the present while Batman Eternal is the past and Batman is the future? Why do I care? I'm not the crazy person trying to make a timeline of The New 52 Universe! And good thing I'm not since Canonology hasn't been heard from in almost a year! The project must have driven Canonology crazy!


As an employee of Arkham Asylum, it's the little things, like sexy boots, that keep you going.

Jack Shaw finds a clue that leads him into the walls of Arkham Manor. I bet he stumbles onto Jason Todd's secret stash of porn! And maybe some more clues that suggest Zsasz is now living in the walls. I still think the murderer is a master carpenter like I guessed last issue because who else could break through a wall, kill a guy, and then rebuild the wall behind him before being discovered? That doesn't sound like Zsasz!

Meanwhile out front as the guy with the hole in his head is wheeled away by Eric "The Joker *wink wink*" Border and some other orderly, Mr. Headhole's gurney breaks through a hole in the ground. Eric Border rescues him and everything is okay! Maybe whatever Eric sees while down in the hole leads him to the realization that Bruce Wayne is Batman! And that's how The Joker finds out about Batman's secret identity!

Maybe Eric Border really is The Joker during this comic book. Maybe he decided he wanted to learn more about Harley's world by becoming an orderly at Arkham. His plan was to understand Harley better so he could win her back. But then he found out Batman's secret identity and decided that it would be a good joke to show Batman that he figured it out without Lex Luthor's help at all.

Jack Shaw's exploration inside the walls of Arkham Manor lead him to a stabby man with super bright head lamps on his helmet. It's The Spelunker, Batman's newest and most deadly foe! They fight for a little bit but then The Spelunker gets away and Jack Shaw decides to follow a scent of shit and death deeper into the house.


A clue!

Mister Headhole kills the ambulance drivers and escapes while Eric Border deals with the old guy in the wheelchair. It turns out Batman somehow recognized he was Clayface.


I know! That's what I said last issue! How did Batman recognize Clayface but not The Joker?! My feelings would be hurt as well.

The Joker makes sure Clayface swallows a nice, healthy dollop of Joker DNA and then sets Jokerface loose on Arkham Manor. Jokerface? At least it's better than that time Two-Face declared he was One-Face. Holy fuck was that stupid.

Arkham Manor Rating: No change. I wish the White Rabbit were incarcerated in Arkham Manor! What's going on with her? Why hasn't she been in any stories lately? The only time she pops up is as a background character. She's the worst character to have been created since the start of The New 52. You'd think Scott Snyder or Grant Morrison would decide to make her interesting!

FRIENDS UPDATE: Season One, Episode Five
This episode splits the group of friends into three pairs, each with characters that have not really interacted much. It seems to be the entire premise of the episode (also to have Rachel and Ross kiss for the first time) so I'm going to concentrate on another aspect of the show: Ugly Naked Guy.

So there's this character that's never seen by the audience called Ugly Naked Guy. He's a neighbor who apparently hangs out in his apartment fully nude with the shades up and curtains open. The humor is supposedly in what Ugly Naked Guy does while he's naked and ugly. This episode, he was laying tiles, a fairly mundane, adult activity. What Ugly Naked Guy represents is right there in his name. He is the ugly, naked truth of adulthood. The characters observe him from a distance as they confine themselves to the safety of their apartment which represents the limbo world of their twenties. They joke about his activities: Can you believe he's laying tile?! Ha ha! And they always act shocked and disgusted by what they see. That's because they know they are witnessing their future selves. This is what they will one day become as they're finally expelled from their latter stage extended childhood. They revel in seeing somebody else forced into the responsibilities of adulthood as they believe, however wrongly due to the extreme denial capable of twentysomethings, they will never be Ugly Naked Monica. Or Ugly Naked Rachel. Or Ugly Naked Joey. Or Ugly Naked Literal Sack of Potatoes. In the face of their nightmares, all they can do is laugh and make jokes, as would we all do (or have done).

The funniest part of this episode was when Phoebe asked Chandler how many espressos he'd had and he says, "I don't know. A million?!" The humor is found in the profundity of the moment. How does one quantify the successes and the failures in one's life? What is the point of doing so when both the person who drank one million espressos and the person who never tasted one at all will both, eventually, cease to exist? The question is absurd and so Chandler answers it in an absurd fashion. It is also possible he has been driven crazy by the caffeine and the harsh, insane cackle of his girlfriend Janice. And, once again, we see the dark soul in Chandler striving to get out. One day, he will betray these people he calls friends. One day.

No comments:

Post a Comment