World's End #15

It feels like this comic book has been going on for years.

How is DC Comics making any money off of this comic book? Look at all those names on the cover! They all have to split the profits on this? You figure comic book stores are purchasing this at wholesale around $1.50. And then Diamond is taking their cut which is probably at least twenty percent of that. So DC is making, maybe, $1.20 per issue sold on this? And they have to use that to pay for fourteen artists, not counting the letterer or the editors? Why is DC even bothering?! No way this book is selling enough copies to make a profit. Plus it killed Earth 2! Who is buying Earth 2 anymore now that it's just a place for this book's footnotes? And it's boring the fuck out of me each week!

Some stuff happens on Apokolips for two pages. Then some stuff happens to Jimmy Olsen for four pages. Then some stuff happens to Mister Miracle and his crew on Apokolips for one page. Then some stuff happens to Hawkcop and The Gimmick starring Jay Streak for two pages. Then the battle between the Avatars and the Four Horsewomen of Apokolips takes place. I thought it was going to be an epic twenty page battle over in Earth 2 #30 but instead that issue was just a stupid book of stupid poems. Except for that poem about the Library Cat. That one was like, "Yeah, yeah! Totally! That's nearly a perfect insight into the human condition!" Anyway, instead of just saying, "Then some stuff happens to the Avatars for X pages," I'll actually talk about this part because it's interesting in a "this is a really terrible battle" kind of way.

Okay! Now the Avatars will be at a great advantage and be able to defeat the Four Horsewomen! Finally!

The Jay starring Streak Gimmick informs Alan that War is actually just a Tamaranean brat who gets her power from ultraviolet radiation. Alan's plan to defeat her is to have Sam wrap himself around her and block her from her source of power. That's a poor idea because this little kid has been kicking everybody's ass so why would she suddenly be subdued by what basically amounts to wrapping a warm blanket around her? It's not like her powers shut down the instant she no longer feels ultraviolet radiation on her body! She's like a battery, you idiots!

Sorry, sorry. I shouldn't be calling Alan and Sam idiots. What do they know about aliens? Alan is just going on the one sentence from The Streak starring Jay Gimmick which described the Tamaranean.

Next, Alan learns that Pestilence is a Czarnian which means she says dumb shit like "Sorry not sorry" and "Feetal's gizz!" Plus she has extraordinary healing powers. So Alan decides that being swallowed by Azathoth will keep her from healing because he's full of water and she'll be in a perpetual state of drowning and healing and drowning. Too bad Alan doesn't know the Comic Book Golden Don't: never swallow any living creature whole. It always winds up poorly for the eater.

Finally, Alan discovers that Death is a Martian! Solomon Grumpy knows what that means and immediately sets her pregnant belly on fire.

The only problem is The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick doesn't know the weakness of The Huntress since she was raised by Batman and Catwoman. Which is too bad because she saves all of the other Horsewomen in two panels.

Okay, War is actually saved by Pestilence on the next page when she spits in Sam's eye.

And that's how The Huntress became the only character in The New 52 Universe to kill a Great Old One! The Parliament of the Blue gives up when his Avatar dies because he's a big puss. That's when Queen Lantern realizes that the Blue Avatar never really mattered much anyway. The only way to defeat the Four Horsewomen is to get the Red Avatar fighting for them!

That's really a fucking stupid conclusion. The idea was that they needed all of the Avatars to battle together to save the world. But now that the Blue Avatar is dead, why would being joined by the Red Avatar make a difference? What they needed was the Red Avatar while the Blue Avatar was still alive! Idiots. I hope they all die.

Then some stuff happens to Dick Grayson for three pages. Then some stuff happens to Replacement Batman and Tornado Lane and Power Girl and Val-el and the Red Avatar for four pages. And then Superman dies on the last page because he had to die (again!) before the Earths merged. DC Comics didn't go through Crisis On Infinite Earths thirty years ago just to have two nearly identical Supermen walking around on the same Earth again!

World's End #15 Rating: No change. This issue was called "Sacrifice." Wasn't one of these issues already called "Sacrifice"?! Next issue will be called "Birth" so I guess Death is finally going to have Darkseid's baby! Or maybe it's a metaphor for everybody on Earth-2 hopping aboard the new Generation Ship Jimmy Olsen discovered (thanks to Commander Khan (don't you remember all of this? I covered it earlier in the "stuff happened" segments!)) and squooshing their way into Earth-Main-Earth's dimension through a portal created by Mister Terrific using Mister Miracle's Shoe Disk Technology!