Twat Lobo #4

Now I want to draw this one in crayon too!

I've always believed that who we are doesn't really change all that much over the course of our lives. A few years ago, my dad gave me some copies of my elementary school report cards. Most of you reading this don't know me at all but I assure you that thirty seven years later, Mrs. McFarland's assessment of me in kindergarten still rings true.

11-9-76: Tess is a fine boy. He does have his 'problems' but I see progress every day. He has an excellent mind.
1-28-77: Tess continues to make great progress. He is entering into nearly all activities willingly now.
4-14-77: Tess has days when his 'mood' affects the way he participates.

Mrs. McFarland gave me a minus (which isn't good!) in the following categories:

Interacts positively with others.
Accepts guidance from others when necessary.
Feels good about himself.
Has self-discipline.
Is emotionally able to cope with problems.
Demonstrates an attempt to solve his own problems.
Uses time to his advantage.

You know what? Fuck you, Mrs. McFarland! How dare you judge me, you cantankerous old cow!

Actually, I really liked her! I remember spending an awful lot of time sitting alone while everybody else engaged in some activity or another. I did like playing in the sandbox with the rubber animals, lying on my blanket during naptime, going across the first grade playground to play in the padded gymnastics room, and playing "Button, Button, Who's Got the Button?" My best friend (and possibly only friend in kindergarten) was a girl named Judy. I remember stacking blocks with her but not much else.

Lately, Twat Lobo and Superman have been having some problems. They just don't seem to like each other much.

Who fucking made you king of the world?!

Fucking illegal aliens! Come to this planet and start acting like they own the thing! What gives Superman more right to be on Earth than Twat Lobo? Simply because he was here twenty something years before Twat Lobo?! Superman's just as bad as every other immigrant that ever came to the shores of America slightly before every other immigrant!

Twat Lobo wants to shoot Superman in the face but his three anchors tell him it's a bad idea. The bald anchor with the handlebar mustache references an old fucking song about how you don't tug on Superman's cape and you don't spit into the wind and you don't do a bunch of other things and you don't mess around with Jim. Or Superman. Unless he's referencing Rapper's Delight by The Sugar Hill Gang but I think that one just insults the fuck out of Superman.

Instead of throwing Twat Lobo off the planet again, Superman probably realizes he's being a controlling douche and decides to talk it out with Twat Lobo. I think they'll be best friends in no time! Even though Twat Lobo is an imbecile who constantly says "Sorry Not Sorry," he actually seems more inclined to compromise than Real Deal Lobo the Original and One and Only Lobo. That Lobo constantly got his ass kicked whenever he came to Earth, so Twat Lobo has the right idea making friends with Superman.

Twat Lobo tells Superman that he's after some guy named Snake Omega and that Snake is going to use the Planet Earth as a bullet to kill some other alien that Snake has a contract for.

At first I thought those were potatoes but I think this giant space guy just shits where he stands and lets his turds float off.

Twat Lobo should be the one using the planet Earth as ammunition! He shouldn't be an inadvertent super hero helping to save the planet! This is one of the things I hate about Twat Lobo! Even though it's a good idea that he buddies up to Superman, I still hate him for being a weak-willed asshole! Tell Superman to fuck off, ya big wuss!

Superman and Twat Lobo decide to work together to capture Snake Omega before Earth blasts its way through some alien's skull. While they search for Snake Omega, Twat Lobo decides to have a flashback.

In his flashback, Twat Lobo's world of Czarnia is falling down around him as the citizens go crazy. Twat Lobo and the princess are the only ones not infected yet so Twat Lobo says not to touch anybody since they don't know how the sickness spreads. He then immediately sticks his fingers into the eyes of an attacker. I bet he rubs his face with that hand before washing it!

Back in the present, the team-up isn't going so well.

Just suck each other's dick and get it over with.

Twat Lobo isn't able to kill Snake Omega in front of Superman because Superman has a planet sized stick up his ass. So instead, Twat Lobo's pals plant a bomb on Snake Omega's escape ship and he blows up later. Superman once more tells Twat Lobo to leave Earth, Twat Lobo promises to leave, Superman flies off, and Twat Lobo goes back to hunting Earth killers. That Superman! What a naive jerk!

Twat Lobo #4 Rating: No change. I liked the cover although it should have had more dicks in more mouths. And I liked the idea of using Earth as a bullet to assassinate some space giant. Especially if that space giant had been Oracle! I don't mind losing an Earth to kill that idiotic character.