Justice League #37

Is Superman saving Lex from whatever is trying to kill him?

What if the Amazo Virus gave you immortality? That would trump the part of the virus that causes your blood to turn black and your brain to boil, right? What if it just gave you immunity to viruses? Would you then just lose the virus and then lose your immunity to viruses and then die from the flu?

Batman begins this issue with a Seventh Grade Report on the worst diseases mankind has ever faced. It's a Seventh Grade Report because he leaves out the Spanish Flu and doesn't really flesh out the two diseases he does mention. I give him a C+, partly because the entire presentation was wanting and, since I'm grading on a curve, I have to say Hawkman often gave more entertaining oral reports to start off his comic books.

At the end of last issue, Batman and Superman had confronted Patient Zero. It turns out it isn't Jimmy Olsen like I had hoped. It's just some guy named Ikarus that was working at LexCorps. Lex Luthor needs a sample of his blood if he's going to create a cure for the Amazo Virus. I'm still not sure how this guy contracted it if the virus wasn't airborne. I think maybe Lex Luthor is lying and he absolutely created it to be airborne because he's a dickhole.

Other Robin ideas: Bat-Lube (Dick Grayson), Bat-Crowbar (Jason Todd), Bat-Bat (Tim Drake), Batling Gun (Damian Wayne).

Patient Zero's super power is if he can see it, he can do it. The power might actually be "if he can think it, he can do it," but this guy isn't very imaginative. He's the kind of asshole that gets movies, books, and games in trouble because the writers think of the crazy shit to due in a fictional world and then unimaginative assholes like this guy glom onto the idea and enact it in real life. This causes big stupid dumb-dumb journalists to ask probing questions like "Is the auteur to blame for other people's idiocy?" Then all the fearful mothers send letters to Mtv and force Beavis to stop saying "Fire! Fire!"

Apparently the Amazo Virus can survive indefinitely outside of a host so the world is doomed. Also, why does the fucking virus need a host if it can survive outside of the host body indefinitely? Maybe the world isn't as doomed as Superman first thought! It's mutated beyond the need for a host and can now live freely and peacefully alongside humans! Yay! This story is over!

Lex's sister Lena asks Luthor why he invented the Amazo Virus because she must be a big dumb dumb head. Why does Lex do anything?! Because he's obsessed with ridding the world of Superman. And since his crappy Amazo Virus only affects humans, he locked it away in storage until he could figure out a way for it to infect Kryptonians. But now it's too late and everybody but Superman is going to die.

How could you be so cynical, Captain Cold?! Come on now!

And then some idiot named "Bullet" explodes onto the scene and tells Lex he's going to kill Lex for money. Shouldn't he just kill him and go? Why waste time explaining why you're suddenly in the comic book? Just fucking do what you're being paid to do, asshole.

Bullet does shoot Lex's off-panel head on one of the next couple of pages. But since it isn't shown then it didn't happen! I'm sure Captain Cold created an ice shield or something before Bullet's bullet could meet Lex's brain.

And finally, Batman's Haz-Bat Suit gives up the ghost, leaving Batman exposed to the Amazo Virus. Batman's new power will probably be to emit pheromones. Look out, ladies! And gents too, I guess.

Justice League #37 Rating: No change. This cover was silly! I guess it represents Superman's most secret fantasy that he can never tell anybody or else they'll know he's a monster capable of horrible evils. Although everybody likes Superman and hates Lex Luthor. I think they'd forgive him for killing Luthor. The judge at his trial would probably be all, "Do we even need to do this? I mean, Lex was kind of a dick. Who can blame you, Supes? By the way, why isn't Clark Kent covering this trial? I was really hoping for an autograph from the guy that exposed Morgan Glenmorgan-Morgan Glennglenn Glennmorgan!" And the jury foreman will be all, "Not guilty, right guys?" And everybody will be all, "Yeah! Yeah! Not guilty!" Except that one guy in the back that just moved to Metropolis who says, "Not so fast. Maybe we should really think this over first." And one of the other jurors will be all, "Oh, come on Malone! Nobody here's going to find any reason to convict that boy scout for killing a monster like Lex!" And Malone will strike a match and say, "I've got reasons. Oh boy, do I have reasons. Let's go to the deliberating room and Twelve Angry Men this bitch!"

Batman and Robin #37

Batman and Robin donate cans of Split Pea Soup to Gotham's Campaign to Feed the Hungry and Insane.

Last issue (pronounced 'iss-yew' because I've become a pretentious snob since embarking on my campaign to become the next Poet Laureate of Portland, Oregon), Darkseid had finally come to see what all the hullabaloo was on his planet. It was, of course, Batman trying to get his dead son's corpse back. Except Damian might not be as dead as you'd expect. But he isn't quite as alive as you'd expect either. It was more like he was a survivor in a plane crash and was currently dealing with Polar Bears, Smoke Monsters, and a severe heroin addiction.

Anyway (do I say 'anyway' too much? That and 'meanwhile' are probably my top words for this blog, right after 'fuck'), now Darkseid is about to get his ass kicked by Hellbatman and the Batkids (guest staring Cyborg and Titus). Or, more likely, Darkseid will just be taunted by Batman until he uses his Omega Effect to accidentally bring Damian back to life. Unless he does it on purpose! I bet if he does it on purpose, it will come with some kind of Stephen King curse in a Maine accent: "You reap what you sow, Batman. Ayuh. You reap what you sow."

This issue is called "Black Hole Son" because Damian is only ten years old, otherwise it might have been called "Man in the Box."

The only other person I can see standing up to Darkseid like this is Preboot Amanda Waller. Fuck. Now I want to see that. Can that happen in this convergence thing?! Darkseid versus Preboot Amanda Waller? Hey DC? Can I write that?! I'd also like to see Cheeks versus Brother Geek. Since Brother Geek appeared briefly in Green Team, that can be a possibility!

Batman punches Darkseid in the face and now I'm wondering when this takes place. Maybe Darkseid is behind the chaos in Batman Eternal! And Damian has just been off in dance class during every issue which is why we haven't seen him yet.

Darkseid returns the favor with some kind of one legged piledriver? It's hard to name wrestling moves that can't be done normally because most wrestlers aren't three times as big as their opponents (at least not since Andre the Giant died).

I think this is some kind of Superfly Smash or something?

I think to defeat Darkseid, Batman is going to have to get him in a Figure Four while Cyborg puts a Sleeper Hold on him and Batgirl gets him in a Camel Clutch. I think that's about all the wrestling moves I remember.

Batman throws a weak upper punch as Batgirl tries to fix Cyborg's BOOM Tube circuitry. Too bad it's located in his pelvis so she's completely distracted by his penis. And it's not helping that every time Cyborg sees her eyes glance toward it, a little more blood flows into it and it flinches and grows. I bet Batgirl grabs it in both hands and screams, "One chance left to jump start the BOOM Tube!" as she closes her eyes and...well, you know.

I think this was Andre the Giant's signature move!

The BOOM Tube opens as Batgirl wipes her mouth and Darkseid finally blasts Batman with his Omega Beams. Surprise! That's just what Batman wanted! He catches the Omega Beams in the Chaos Shard and powers up his suit with the limitless energy of Darkseid's eyeball's ejaculate.

That settles it. Nobody can beat Batman.

Everybody makes it through the BOOM Tube and Alfred begins serving sandwiches to celebrate. Except first Batman has to shed his Hellbat Suit and plunge the Chaos Crystal into Damian's heart as he bellows something about the Omega Sanction equaling life. Also, this somehow cures his Apokolyptian acne. Anyway, it works because comic books.

Why is Alfred in his 90s Comic Book Alfred Costume?

And then Batman collapses and Damian screams "Father!" and Batgirl says "OMG!" and Alfred thinks about asking for a raise and Red Robin says "Holy crap" and Red Hood says that too and Cyborg goes, "Whut?! Whut?! Can somebody tell me what's going on?!" because he's in pieces and strapped to Titus's back or something.

So that's it! Damian Wayne is back and everything can go back to normal, right? Right? What's that? There's still one more Robin Rises book left, you say?! I'm sure it's just thirty pages of Robin saying things like, "So where's Dick?" and "Don't lie to me about Dick" and "What kind of secret mission is Dick on?" and "When can I go visit Dick?"

Batman and Robin #37 Rating: +1 Ranking. Why is Highfather going through so much trouble over in Godhead to find a way to defeat Darkseid? Hasn't he heard about Batman?!

Batwoman #37

Clayface loves watching vampires fuck.

Now that I'm writing sonnets and being all highbrowed and shit, I'm not sure I should have begun with the vampires fucking line. That could give the tenured professors I attracted to my blog the wrong idea about how intellectual I am! I'd better write another sonnet to get them back on my good side!

Sonnet #Clayface

Does anybody know where vampires fuck?
It's something that I really need to see.
This line ends with a word that rhymes with fuck.
This line should have a word that rhymes with see.

This stanza here is all about Clayface.
Also about the general state of man.
And woman too, of course; there's just no space
To be socially just in every scan.

Now where was I? Oh yeah! Clayface had just
Begun to mope about his life's lost zest,
And the love of his life and her big brust
(I'm sure that's some archaic word for breast).

A man of many faces might I be.
The one that matters most, you'll never see.

Holy fucking shit! I am a genius the likes of which the world has never seen! Sonnet #Clayface might be my best sonnet ever!

The strangest thing you've ever said? Please. Like you've never shouted, "Ram your beautiful blooming piss factory into my gaping maw so my eager pleasure muscle can bring your throbbing love button to an intense state of indescribable quivering ecstasy!"

Earlier in the night, Batwoman threatened a reporter or an ex-girlfriend or just some Nocturna hater. She doesn't want her vendettaing Natalia Mitternicht because that's her vampire girlfriend now. Or her vampire sex mistress. Or just some person that comes by to fuck Kate when she's blackout drunk and won't remember it in the morning. Which is probably a good thing since the act involves a lot of biting and bleeding and pacts to the dark mistress Satan.

Back at Jason Blood's house, Etrigan mentions how he never wants Jason Blood inside him ever again, and Jason Blood says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know who you've been talking to but I ain't into fucking animals." Then Etrigan begins to strangle him and then Batwoman enters and says, "Step away from the naked man." Hmm, I would have ended that with an exclamation point. But then I end over 90% of all of my sentences with one! See?

Meanwhile, some thieves take off with Ragman's Celtic cookie.

Does anybody else think the magic cookie has something to do with Etrigan's sudden appearance? Is that why the burned up cult guy recognized Jason Blood? Were they summoning Etrigan with the virginal sacrifice? I like to believe that scenario since Etrigan should be sharing time with some squatter in London, as seen in Stormwatch Number I don't remember the number (what am I? An editor?).

Really? Strained? Your insult would hold more weight if that were true but this is some of Etrigan's best rhyming so far in the whole New 52! Especially that crack against women! Ha ha! Cowards!

His rhyming later in the encounter gets significantly worse. I'm going to have to admit that Batwoman has a better ear for rhyme than I do. Although she later calls Etrigan's rhymes a "haiku" so maybe she doesn't know anything at all about poetry and rhyme. Perhaps she's simply gained powers of prognostication with the vampire blood now coursing through her so she heard his future rhymes before he rhymed them.

Batwoman and Etrigan manage to say enough during the fight so that they realize the true villains in the current scenario are the robed cult that summoned Etrigan from out of the British squatter. Batwoman learns the cult are trying to resurrect Morgan le Fay which Etrigan assures her is a bad idea. He really drives home the point by rhyming "all" with "all." I guess this quest will get them in contact with Ragman and his Morgan le Fay summoning cookie. But how will Clayface join the team?! And Beth! Or Alice? Whatever.

Clayface is captured by the Cookie Thieves. Easily. Jesus, Batman goes through so much trying to catch this guy and all he needed to do was refer to him as Mr. Karlo and appeal to his acting ability?

Etrigan sniffs vampire sex juice in Kate Kane's wig and points out that she might need a little mystic hoodoo to clean out her system. For the moment, at least, Kate and Natalia's link is broken. Darn. I hope that doesn't mean their relationship is over and now Kate is going to report Natalia to Maggie for sexual molestation and near cannibalism and breaking and entering and holding her hand in public and looking like the most adorable couple ever when they really weren't although come on! They were so cute together! They shouldn't end the relationship simply because it started out on the rape foot! Um, wrong foot! I mean, at the very least, can't we consider it was an ambiguous foot and all agree that they're too cute together to make a fuss about how they first got together?!

Can't everybody just agree for my sake to say, "You know, we're all kind of weirded out by the way Nocturna broke into Kate's apartment and took advantage of her while she was pretty drunk. But for Tess's sake, let's just look at the situation with a less critical eye. I mean, Nocturna did tell Kate that she wasn't Maggie. She didn't lie to her! Sure, Kate was still drunk but it was on wine and how blotto can one really get on wine, right? She was just a bit sleepy at first and thought, 'Oh, hey, Maggie wants to fuck.' But then her vision cleared and she saw it was hot, sexy Nocturna (who, by the way, said, 'I'm not Maggie') and said to herself, 'Oh yeah! I need this random hook-up to make me feel better about the mess I made with my relationship with Maggie. If that sourpuss doesn't want any of this anymore, I'm not going to lock it away in a no-sex-allowed vault!'" See? When you say it that way, I can have my way and you can all not feel angry! We're all much happier now!

Back at the Cookie Thieves' hideout, they shove the cookie inside Clayface and they and all their friends chant the magic Rune Chant.

Ta-da!

Batwoman #37 Rating: +1 Ranking. Is this comic book going to have enough time to get all of these characters back into space before the final issue?! I hope so! Unless the time it takes to tell that story doesn't allow for more pages of Kate and Natalia fucking because then I have to hope for the pages and pages of fucking.

World's End #11

Sonnet #WE11: "Father's Day"

Visage of stone which taught me how to act,
Ignoring all that I desired to be.
Imagination rectified to fact.
A miracle turned into pure fury.

A dream of God, a father far away,
Reminded me that I was not of stone
Nor flesh nor blood but love and spirit made,
Which merely left me feeling more alone.

Each voice commanded me to be like him.
And though a moth attracted to each flame,
I could not bow to each and every whim,
So chose escape and neither of their game.

And so a voice I'd known yet hardly heard
Whispered, "God and Father are both absurd."

World's End #11 Rating: +1 Ranking. It gets that ranking mostly because it was one full story instead of thirty different plot threads! And I apologize, after the fact, on some of my line stresses. But fuck it! It's 400 years after Shakespeare and even he didn't pay perfect fealty to the iambic pentameter over the message or the words he wanted to use. Besides, I only spent about forty minutes on this (including the reading and coming up with a theme and sorting the thoughts of each stanza and, well, you know...the words and syllables are the easy part!).

Batman Eternal #37

I want lots of awesome stuff. My New Years Resolution is to become Catwoman.

I probably check Facebook on a daily basis but I don't really use it for any reason. I don't wish people Happy Birthday even when Facebook reminds me that it's somebody's birthday. I don't post status updates. I don't play Facebook games. And I certainly don't do the "Year in Review" thing since, well, what will there be to review? I used to link my Tumblr to my Facebook but I figure the only thing that accomplished was getting a bunch of friends and relatives to block me from their news feed. Anyway, today I logged on and Facebook decided to show me what my Year was like with a preview of a Year in Review thing.

My year was adorable.

At the end of last issue, we found out that either The Riddler was behind Gotham City falling apart or he knew who was and figured it was time to help Batman figure it out as well. Mostly he just wants to make up more riddles because he's got a bit of an obsessive personality.

I bet I know who's behind it all! Catwoman! It's all a big trick to get Batman to admit that he loves her! I don't know how it's meant to accomplish that because it's so convoluted. But sometimes that's what it takes to reach a humorless man that has never been in a real relationship with anybody his entire life. He pays the man that's closest to being a family member and expects him to clean his house and wait on him. All of his wards were trained to fight at his side instead of being kept safe and spoiled and pampered and educated. Most of the women he dates he either never sees again, or they die, or they're super villains. He keeps the only thing on Earth that can kill his best friend on a ring in his Batcave. You know, just in case. You need a big plan to ensnare a guy with those kinds of trust issues.

Catwoman nearly gets assassinated by some guy in a Japanese mask with a flaming sword. Right in her own Egyptian Club Casino, Bar and Grill. I guess she really has hit the big time.

While I'm on the subject of Catwoman, will somebody put together a history of New 52 Selina Kyle for me? Please! Last thing I knew about her past is that she was a street orphan and I think she ran around with another kid that might have been her brother? But then later as an adult, just before she became Catwoman, she discovered something about her family and her name and the Russians or something? And now she seems to accept that she's the daughter of Rex Calabrese? Did I miss something somewhere or is everybody else just as confused as I am? Has DC just decided to dump Selina's past as written by Ann Nocenti and chosen to just graft on some Preboot Selina history? But even that's wrong, right?! Wasn't she Falcone's daughter? Does any of it make sense? Maybe I should just move on to the next scene which should make more sense.

Hmm. Okay. Next scene then?

Batman is currently out looking for Arkham inmates who escaped during the building's collapse. Killer Croc isn't one of them. I guess eating people he finds in the sewers isn't against the law. So Batman runs off to find a villain that should be locked up while Catwoman decides to offer Killer Croc a job.

The ex-Arkham inmates have decided to form a little gang to try to take over Gotham (again) while chaos reigns (also again).

But why would Ivy want to follow you after what you did to her at the end of Detective Comics #15? I don't know what it was because it ended with a "Fin?" before it could happen, but I'm fairly certain it was rape-esque.

Spying on the Villains Anonymous meeting is a black cat with a kitty spycam around its neck. The make and quality look to be Alice Tesla's work. And I'm really trying not to hate Alice Tesla simply because Ann Nocenti created her. If she appears in this book, she'll have real, honest-to-goodness writers penning her dialogue, so she shouldn't annoy me too much.

Another strange meeting is taking place in a shitty diner. This one stars Harvey Bullock and Maggie Sawyer. Bullock might seem a lot rough around the edges, but I bet Maggie knows he's a decent enough guy when you get right down to it because he has cats. And nobody that has and loves cats can be a bad person. They might not be polite people. And they might tell you to your face that they hate your stupid guts. But that doesn't mean they're not good people. Cats are good judges of character. Dogs, on the other hand, love anybody, no matter how despicable.

Jason Bard tries to ask Bullock and Sawyer for help because he's suddenly looking for the honest cops to help turn around this shit he helped start. But they don't want anything to do with him because he's a huge dickhole.

And then Catwoman sets up a Batsignal to reel in her prey. I mean, so she can show Batman some footage from her Kitty Cam. Did that sound dirty? I think that sounded dirty.

Oh yeah. It was definitely dirty.

Finally, Batwing calls up Penny-Two for information about g-g-g-g-ghosts!

Batman Eternal #37 Rating: No change. I'm trying to do three commentaries per day so I can finally catch back up to the current week's comics by January 7th. But holy shit am I burning out quick! That's my excuse for the horrible quality of the next thirty commentaries! I'm rushing, I'm burned out, and I need some other kind of stimulation in my life! Not that kind of stimulation! Okay, maybe that kind of stimulation. But with cookies.

Futures End #33

Baby Deathstroke! She can make dreams come true! Baby Deathstroke! She'll wind up murdering you!

All Fifty Sue ever wanted was a family. It's so sweet it should be packaged and distributed from an unregulated company (named Convict Confections and operating out of Tijuana) for use in sodas with names like Perpsi and Corke. Obviously the company is a subsidiary of God's Love Products which is a subsidiary of Nothing Odd Going On Here, Inc. which is a subsidiary of New Folder which is a subsidiary of Recycle Bin Brands which is a subsidiary of Time Warner.

Last issue ended with Ray Palmer's Stormwatch being threatened by SHADE within orbit of Earth.

Hmm. That's the strangest Earth I've ever seen.

Instead of working together the way Ray Palmer and Father Time used to work together, they decide to battle each other to see who gets to shout orders when they turn their attentions to battling Brainiac. If you're Father Time, why bother approaching Stormwatch with a detailed plan explaining why he needs The Engineer's help. And when he fails to show that kind of forethought at Angie's arrival, why can't Stormwatch decide to act like adults and say, "Okay, what's your plan? What can Angie do to help?" Am I asking too much out of adults? Maybe most of these assholes need an uncle to tell them about their great power and what comes with it.

Angie might have the best ass in The New 52. But that's not really fair to compare it with all of the others since her ass is full of nanobots keeping it perfect. Plus, she came from a universe that allowed her to have nipples, so of course she's going to have a better formed ass.

Black Adam murders Father Time's monsters because Black Adam is a super villain and he doesn't care how sentient the creatures might have been. Hawkman watches the gorefest and little hearts appear in his eyes.

Ray Palmer decides to take control of SHADE by shrinking down to atomic level (because that's all he can do!). There's a little more to it than just the shrinking. He also hops in Father Time's mouth and swims up to his brain somehow. I don't know inside biology as well as I know outside biology (I can point out hands and feet and nipples and stuff! With no prompting!), so I can't describe the path he took to get from tongue to brain. Or how he breathes while inside a bloodstream. Maybe he just siphons off oxygen from blood cells? Anyway, he winds up in Father Time's brain where he finally comes face to face with Father Time!

Gross! Father Time is a parasite that looks like the Sandman's mask! He also looks like some kind of octopus. He also looks like a penis. Right? That's what they all look like?

Later, Frank Rock and King Faraday remind everybody that some guy named Ethan Boyer had an important thread of story happening months ago. Sequel (which is Fifty Sue's new name) has been tasked with bringing Ethan Boyer back into the Cadmus family. While on her mission, she runs into Grifter's Dungeon Master friend talking on the phone to Grifter. So she punches the guy in the stomach, takes his phone, and completely ruins Grifter's life. I think the old team (minus Deathstroke) might be back together soon!

Lois Lane plugs in her phone or whatever and Brother Eye is set loose, once again, upon the world. He zips about until he finds a recognizable piece of electronics in the future body of Plastique being held in TerrifiTech. I guess Plastique doesn't have to die now since her cyborg body has always existed within a short loop of time! But where did it come from? How did it begin? Something can't have always existed and never existed at the same time or something? Oh wait! I know the answer to all of those questions! God.

This is the part where Terry McBatman and Plastique flirt.

Firestorm heads back to the lab to find some clues about the accident that might help Jason and Madison separate. On their way there, they fly directly over Tim Drake who says, "What? Who? How?! If only I were a journalist, maybe I could answer some of those questions. And a few more even!"

Before Firestorm can find any clues, Doctor Yamazake, now Doctor Polaris, throws some metal shit at her and pins her to the ground. That's when the issue ends because it's the only point of tension in any battle with Firestorm. Villain gets the jump on Firestorm, Firestorm goes, "Holy fuck what the fuck fuck?!", and then Firestorm changes the molecules of everything and the villain loses because his suit is suddenly made out of cookies and the air around him is now chlorine gas and the ground under him has turned to lava and the gum he was chewing has turned into cyanide.

Futures End #33 Rating: No change. Just more filler.

Worlds' Finest #29

I'm trying to think up a caption for this cover but I can't stop eating banana pudding.

This must be the easiest gig of Paul Levitz entire life! Rehash the Batman and Superman origin stories in a way that doesn't mess up current continuity. Although it's the secret origin of the Earth-2 Batman and Superman, so who cares. They're less important in The New 52 since they weren't the historical, Golden Age versions that established the entire genre of the super hero story. And they're far, far less interesting than this banana pudding is delicious.

My job at Christmas Dinner tonight was to peel potatoes and then to finish seasoning the potatoes once they were mashed and nearly ready to go. After that, I shaped them into Devil's Tower and served them. There were some people at the table that didn't know what Devil's Tower was. I no longer speak to them. Because they're dead. I killed them.

I really can't put this pudding down! I keep setting down the bowl and reaching for the comic book but wind up with the pudding back in my hands! It might be cursed!

Okay! That's finished. Now I can concentrate!

Maybe I should wash the bowl out and get some water first! The comic book can wait!

This thug just can't believe how tightly that leather is clinging to Catwoman's anal sphincter.

Batman has chased Catwoman all the way to Metropolis to lecture her about engaging in criminal behavior. He doesn't think she should do it because he wants to have sex with her but doesn't think he should be having sex with a criminal. Technically, Batman is also a criminal so he really shouldn't care. But he only thinks Catwoman should break laws in the same way that he breaks the laws which is better. For some reason.

Superman was currently meeting Wonder Woman after he crashed on Paradise Island due to an exploding satellite which caused him pain "for the first time in his life." That's always a good way to explain to the reader that Superman is facing a threat equal to his powers. Usually he says something like, "That actually hurt!" or "Did you have to use three fingers?!"

Wonder Woman says, "Get the fuck out," and Superman says, "How high?"

Superman leaves Wonder Woman and the Amazons to play with their new toy from Apokolips and heads back to Metropolis where he finds Catwoman toying with Batman.

Superman just got showed up by a woman so the next one he meets, he treats like a child.

Batman and Catwoman flirt a little bit more before Catwoman heads back to Gotham with her jewels she retrieved from the terrorists. She also calls Batman "Mister Wayne," so I hope Lois Lane wasn't snooping around nearby!

The New God that wanted Superman as a baby and then as a child arrives to tell Superman he's been making poor choices. The only good choice is to team up with the New Gods. But he won't! Even if they kill him, he won't...well, actually, after they kill him, he does kind of team up with them. So I guess he'll team up with them over his dead body.

Why does the DC Universe have to have some overarching super villain hellbent on destroying everything? Did somebody tell the editors at DC that all of the monthly stories are more exciting if they have a framing story that's a battle for the fate of the universe? Before the New Gods happened along, it seemed like DC was going to make the Daemonites the world threat that everybody had to continually be on the look out against. But Helspont just couldn't cut the mustard and he was replaced by the looming threat of Apokolips. Although that story also needs a framing story because things always have to be able to get worse! And that's why the Anti-Monitor made an appearance at the end of Forever Evil!

All of these stories that have been erased from a character's mind are just as bad as the shitty "let's all save one future timeline" time travel stories.

Worlds' Finest #29 Rating: No change. Here's a suggestion! If you can't have a character remember a story you put them in, don't even bother writing the fucking story! Jesus fucked. Let the characters remember shit even if you have to listen to a thousand fanboygirls screaming, "Why didn't Superman remember that in Issue #13 when he did that thing to that person that he'd met when he was younger! Why didn't Superman say anything about the first encounter, hunh?! Hunh?! Answer me that or else I'm going to continue to scream and point out your errors like a total dickhead!"

Shut up. That last comment did not resemble me.