I hope Lady Weeds tattooed her butthole with a flower that smells like poo.
See how that first paragraph began as if it were about something else but I was still able to bring it back around to discuss me? That's because this blog is about me! It's not about comic books at all. Those are just incidental.
What did they do, Cappuccino?! They made a puppet of the Swamp Thing?!
Like that one person born out of the head of the other person (Cher or somebody. I forget), Swamp Thing explodes out of the head of Baby Swampie to answer Cappuccino's call. I sure hope Baby Swampie was already dead before that happened.
Brother Jonah decides he'd rather go back to The Green than die. Must be nice to have that kind of choice! I guess those are better last words than wondering whether to use "lie" or "lay." Although that's still better than dying wondering whether to use "who" or "whom." Which is still better yet than dying not knowing the difference between the Arctic and Antarctica.
Oh Lady Weeds! You get more beautiful with each passing panel!
After killing this jerko father of no year ever, Lady Weeds firebombs the plant life around the hospital she hitched a ride to. Then she sets Wolf free to do whatever he's going to do. Fight Swamp Thing? Curb himself? Eat the entire hospital staff?
Meanwhile, Swamp Thing carries Jonah into the Green to become his regent. He'll take the place of Baby Swampie which is too bad because Baby Swampie was my favorite new character of last month! I bet Dan DiDio is behind Baby Swampie's death! Jerko!
I once knew how the story ends but stupid time has taken away all memory of the book! So, really, it doesn't matter, Jonah. You'll only be satisfied for the most fleeting of moments before time pisses it all away.
Swamp Thing leaves the Sureen and Cappuccino to fight Wolf at the hospital because the brilliant Lady Weeds planned it that way.
Ugh. Wolf is even more disgusting than when he was a bald man.
Lady Weeds doesn't realize that Swamp Thing has learned his lesson about body switching and, it seems, is now willing to let two final innocent people die to keep any more from harm. She also doesn't realize that Wolf has learned to use his new demon vocal cords and that he hasn't lost his hatred of the vulgar.
Although stabbing yourself in the throat seems a bit crass as well.
Maybe Lady Weeds can be the New 52 Oracle!
After Wolf is dead and Lady Weeds severely injured, some guy named "A Calculus" comes forward to help Alec with his duties.
Swamp Thing #34 Rating: No change. I'm sad that Lady Weeds has been taken out. But I'm happy because now that Swamp Thing doesn't have to deal with Lady Weeds and Wolf, that means Etrigan can finally show up to battle Swamp Thing for Cappuccino's soul! Etrigan has been sorely missed lately. Although why would Etrigan still care about the deal Jason Blood struck with Cappuccino? Wasn't that just one of Jason Blood's plans to remove Etrigan from his life? And that's already happened, according to that story in Stormwatch where Etrigan came back and possessed some London punk. Anyway, DC Comics needs more Etrigan, no matter who he's shacked up inside.