Superman Loves Wonder Woman #11

Doomed is Superman's Knightfall except his enemies are escaping the Phantom Zone rather than a poorly secured old timey mansion.

This issue begins with another crappy article by Lois Lane although this might be the one with the least amount of editing errors. I don't know where she's finding time to publish these articles when she's been so busy trying to enslave the world and now she's busy trying to free it. She probably has Jimmy Olsen under some kind of mind control and forcing him to write and publish the articles for her. That explains why they've been so awful and why the accompanying photos that Jimmy obviously couldn't have taken were attributed to him.

The first chapter of Last Sun was entitled "Assimilation." That means chapter two should probably be called something other than "Assimilation." But it isn't. It isn't at all called something different. Chapter Two, and here's the twist that the smarter readers may have already seen coming, is called "Assimilation." I don't actually think both chapters were called "Assimilation" though. I just think whoever has been in charge of the Doomed! title pages over the last few issues doesn't have a job in comics anymore.

At the end of the last chapter of Doomed, Mongul and Non had escaped the Phantom Zone. Remember Non as played by Jack O'Halloran?!

Other roles played by rocky faced Jack: Yeti, Ooloo the Giant, Moose, and Truck.

The first few pages of this issue have Mongul and Non retreating back into The Phantom Zone because they're not afraid of being bottled by Brainiac at all. No, no. Mongul just remembered that he forgot to turn the Warworld oven off. And Non just remembered that he preferred battling Superman when he could use his super breath for five minutes to fit in all the great sight gags that the producers forced the writers to put into the script.

Superman II Producer X: "What if we have the villains use their super breath on downtown Metropolis? Then we can see a guy about to eat an ice cream cone and the ice cream can fly off the cone and into somebody else's face!"
Superman II Producer Y: "Oh yeah! And we'll have a bunch of cars flip by and then some guy on roller skates can zoom past backwards!"
Superman II Producer Z: "Oh! Oh! Then some movie producers can be just about to suck down some blow when their snow goes flying off the black granite bathroom counter top and straight up the nose of some big breasted bombshell that immediately takes off her clothes and starts banging the producers!"

Not all of their ideas made it into the movie.

Superman and J'onn head off to rescue Steel, Lana, and Cyborg. Luckily J'onn is heading up this mission because the only plan Superman could come up with was to put them in the Phantom Zone.

"--but the men are taking care of things."

I don't like that Superman and Martian Manhunter are fighting side by side without my first having seen an on-panel apology by J'onn for attacking the entire Justice League back when he was allowed to join. I'm going to hold Superman's grudge for him. Batman can carry his own grudge.

For maybe twice in the last 75 years, Batman doesn't have a plan. Okay, maybe this is actually the first time he doesn't have a plan in 75 years because have you reread Knightfall lately? I think Bruce planned getting his own back broken! What a tricky bastard, that one! But Wonder Woman and Superman each have their own plan. Superman will purposely stress himself out so that he has an outbreak of Doomsday Simplex 2. This will hopefully give him enough power to destroy Brainiac's ship but he may also get stuck as Doomsday again. Wonder Woman heads into The Phantom Zone to see if she can rent Warworld. She is the God of War, after all! That's practically her vehicle by right!

Hmm. I thought there would be more to it after Wonder Woman called to Mongul and Superman confronted his Doomsday mental demon. But the final few pages just confirm what I said was going to happen in the last paragraph so I'm suddenly out of story to comment on! How about I say this: remember when Superman had a zombie Lana Lang from another reality living in his head? Why isn't she hanging out with Doomsday?

Superman Loves Wonder Woman #11 Rating: No change. This was a pretty quick read. I really enjoy quick reads because it allows me to do things other than comment on DC Comics! Like go see Dave Foley. And play Titanfall. And read The Last Unicorn which I've only read one sentence of so far. Something about a stupid, lonely unicorn living in a lilac wood or something. I hope the entire book isn't going to be about a unicorn! I hope there's some bumbling magician as well! And a monstrous red bull! That would be cool. Also, there should probably be some virgins since unicorns really love virgins for some reason. Virgins are only good for one thing! Quieting volcanic gods! And they're not even really needed for that! Threatening to throw virgins into volcanoes is simply a way to get young people to put out quickly. "Hmm. Volcano is rumbling again. Probably needs a few tight assed virgins to quiet it down." Suddenly virgins are fucking everything that moves!