Constantine #17

Remember when people were up in arms about DC's new logo and then they immediately forgot about it and now nobody remembers what the old logo looked like at all?

When I purchased my stack of comic books last week, my comic shop owner asked me what I thought of Constantine. I said, "Eh. I didn't really like his involvement in super hero groups or his need to be shown as more 'heroic' in The New 52." I didn't realize I had Constantine rated at about #38 of Not Even Close to 52 Comics but I think that's an "eh" rating. Maybe worse. He then asked how I liked it compared to Hellblazer and that was a different question entirely! It doesn't even come close to comparing! Forget that Constantine can't say cunt anymore. Integrating the Vertigo characters into the mainstream titles severely limits what the writers can do with them due to the constraints of New 52 continuity.

I'm hoping Ray Fawkes and the Constantine editors have realized how limiting The New 52 is on Constantine and are beginning to cut his ties with the other characters. Last issue, Constantine removed a spell placed on him by Zatanna to be a better person. That sounds like a step in the right direction since two of my problems with him right now are his love for Zatanna and his need to be a mystic cop for the DC Universe. The further he distances himself, the better Constantine will be.

Winding up in World War I is a good start.

Due to magic hocus pocus, Constantine finds himself in Tanzania in 1914. That was like 100 years ago or something. Hey! Remember when one of the main reasons for Flashpoint and The New 52 was to put an end to time travel in DC Comics? Remember how that lasted hardly any time at all because shitty writers like Tom DeFalco and Scott Lobdell (Tott Dedell!) didn't realize what this meant and continued to write stories about time traveling characters from alternate futures? Remember how their editors were the worst because they didn't tell them that they were fucking up the whole Flashpoint idea? What a couple of silly guys!

Even though Constantine is now 100 years in the past, he's still thinking about time as if it's still currently running in San Dimas. He thinks that while sitting on the beach in Dar es Salaam in 1914, events he planned to take down Sargon and Tannarak and the Cult of the Cold Flame are taking place in 2014. I don't think that's how time works, John! I mean, well, wait. Maybe it is? I suppose whatever happens in 2014 happens in 2014 no matter what. So John can speculate on how the events played out even if they won't play out for another 100 years. And he could be right or he could be wrong or he could just light up a cigarette and realize he can't do anything about it in his current situation anyway.

Why does Foghorn Leghorn know more about history than Constantine?

Constantine continues to think about how the plan to take down Tannarak should be progressing. He was supposed to appear near the Cult of the Cold Flame, presumably to take his part in the plan. I'm willing to bet his part of the plan occurs at the end of Julia and Spellbinder's assault on Sargon and Tannarak, so he'll still arrive in time to light up and say something snarky once he figures out how to time travel into the future. You know, by some other means than the one we all use every minute since John will never make it to 2014 using the regular method of forward time travel. It's so slow!

Foghorn Leghorn had a posh accent?

Constantine remembers a few stories about Doctor Occult and what he was doing in 1914. Turns out he was in Dar es Salaam trying to cast a spell to prevent war for all time. Seven of the greatest mages of the time across the world were working on the spell. Too bad one of those mages was Anton Arcane who was always a huge dickhole and never wanted to see war end in the first place. But since Doctor Occult doesn't know that, he still thinks he can save the world. But first he needs to remove the interfering limey by casting a spell to send him back where he came from. Well, isn't that convenient!

Didn't Doctor Occult die in the House of Secrets? Poor House of Secrets! What did it ever do to get itself completely ignored by The New 52. It was supposed to reappear in All Star Western but that story changed for some reason. Hopefully the reason was because The House of Secrets is going to get its own title soon! And it will be as good or better than the one by Steven T. Seagle back in whenever that series came out!

When John is transported back through time, he tries to muck with Occult's spell so that he arrives in the time and place where John wants and not where Doctor Occult planned. In the process, he loses his Foghorn Leghorn Moonblade which remains in 1914 with Doctor Occult. Constantine shoots right past his arrival date and five years into the future so that he can be one of the few characters that's really participating in his Futures End comic book as opposed to the other heroes whose issues are just fantasy and speculation. I think. Or something.

Constantine #17 Rating: No change. Too bad Tannarak and The Cult of the Cold Flame got away again! Because that means they're still going to be involved in this comic book and I'm completely bored with them as antagonists. And what's up with Tannarak and that stupid blindfold? Does he have assholes for eyes? Man, I miss Hellblazer!