Green Lantern #34

Somebody at my comic book store must be wondering why they're not receiving the variant covers they asked for. I certainly didn't ask for them! Although they're spoiler free, so that's a change of pace from most covers.

This issue begins in Space Sector 0687 following an alien that, I'm fairly confident, makes illegal drugs. This might be the first time Sector 0687 has been visited since I have no notes concerning the creatures or planets that can be found within it. That doesn't prove that Sector 0687 hasn't been mentioned because I have been known, in the past, to be a horrendous taker of notes. The only reason I made it through college was because I majored in Reading Books and my interpretations of themes and plots were always vastly superior to what the teachers were telling us they were. Maybe. I could be remembering it all wrong for the sake of vanity. I did get a B in Rugby and never played single game. Or met the teacher. Or anybody else in the class, for that matter. Or ever did anything at all except sign up for it and then never got around to dropping it. College was easy!

The creature's name is Agarushnawokliag and he's one of the escapees from the Sciencells on Oa That Was. Now that the Great Green Lantern Corps Misunderstanding is over, Hal has found a little free time to do some bounty hunting.

Just try telling me this guy wasn't cooking up some Space Meth. Or don't try. Whatever.

How can Hal Jordan keep a straight face when calling his ring the most powerful weapon in the universe when it's barely worked against any threat he's faced since The New 52 began?! I'm sure it'll finally work just fine against this little Court of Owls looking motherfucker. Hal can't get his ass beat in the first few pages of a new story arc!

Whoops! My mistake!

I think I miss the yellow flaw! It wasn't so much a crutch which the Green Lanterns had to work with as it was a crutch so that writers would have a reason for the most powerful weapon in the universe to fail. Now the rings don't have the flaw anymore but they don't seem to work against the majority of the creatures they battle! This guy sucks down emotion so the more willpower Hal uses, the more...wait a second! Willpower isn't an emotion! Kick his ass, Jordan!

Lucky for Hal, the truly most powerful weapon in the universe was lying nearby where he was pinned by Agarushnawokliag!

The Stick™!

Hal packs up his bounty and heads back to Mogo where he finds Simon Baz waiting for him. And Simon currently has his gun strapped to his hip! Good for him! These Green Lantern rings are unreliable! Jordan wouldn't have had to use The Stick™ if he had the foresight to carry a back-up weapon. Who am I kidding? Hal's too arrogant to believe he needs anything besides the ring and his fists.

Simon Baz has escorted Hal's brother and his brother's family to Mogo for a visit. I hope this is the incursion that the title mentioned since the title was "Incursion." That way I can finish up my commentary right now by saying, "And everybody had a really nice time at the family reunion. The end!"

Hal's brother shops at 7-11? That's practically confirmation that he has a drug problem! To know what kind of drug, I'd have to observe his behavior while shopping! Right to the scratch-its? Meth. Spends an inordinate amount of time in the public restroom (if it has one)? Heroin. Spends over twenty minutes wandering the aisles or buys a single flavored Swisher? Marijuana. Rushes in a minute after the store stops selling beer and then argues with the clerk about the time difference between the store clock and their phone? Asshole. I mean, alcohol! I don't think people doing cocaine ever shop at 7-11. And people doing hallucinogens I don't think of has having a drug problem. They simply have a hobby.

Hal's niece, nephew, and sister-in-law pay a visit to Saint Walker who continues to remain hopeless. But his ring still hangs out with him waiting for that to change. Maybe children will give him hope! Aren't they supposed to give people hope? You know, when they're not giving people headaches and cold germs.

Little girl, you don't want to know what he does with that head thing.

Hal's brother makes some fairly salient points on how Hal shouldn't worry about consuming energy from a universal energy reservoir. Now if I believed in Relic's theory (which I don't because he didn't provide enough scientific evidence for it (unless you call running around screaming "The sky is falling!" evidence)), I'd believe that Hal's brother has put the matter to rest for Hal once and for all. Of course he's wasted on Khundish Ale, so maybe it was all just mindless jabbering. No wait. I'm not wasted on Khundish Ale, so I should know whether it was mindless jabbering or not! But I don't. Maybe I'm just an idiot.

Finally there's a scene where Highfather BoomTubes into New Earth's universe because Kyle Rayner fucked up the source wall's mathematics. But Highfather believes this diddling with the Source Wall is his chance to learn the Life Equation! If he figures it out, will that be as bad as Darkseid discovering the Anti-Life Equation? Is this moment supposed to be dark and threatening or happy and hopeful? And when will I find out since next month is the Special Futures End issue?

Green Lantern #34 Rating: +3 Ranking. I always like comic books where people spend time discussing things! Plus The Stick™ proved to be a better weapon than the Green Lantern Ring. Will Hal shut up about it being the most powerful weapon in the universe now? I bet Guy uses that line when he goes on dates. You know, how he has the most powerful weapon in the universe? If I explained it any further, I'd be Joss Whedon!